Espionage
by bitchinblackframedglasses
Summary: A normal Muggle girl, Jenny, befriends Hermione one summer. The next summer, she is thrown into the wizarding world after an accident, and may be of more use to the Order than anyone thought. Draco/OC eventually. Dark!Kingsley
1. Espionage

_Espionage, a Harry Potter FanFiction Set in Early DH, before Bill & Fleur's Wedding_

ESPIONAGE: an individual obtaining information that is considered secret or confidential without the permission of the holder of the information.

……

_The Order Of The Phoenix Faculty Roster_

_SPIES:_

SPY #: 09

Name: Jennifer (Jenny) Quinty Status: Muggle

Recruited: 8/31/10 Recruiter: Nymphadora Tonks

Characteristics: Long blond hair, usually in a ponytail, green/blue eyes, very fit. Likes to cook, splatter paint and rock climb, all of the listed activities above are Muggle hobbies. Partakes in some kind of Muggle physical fighting, called Karate. These practices have made her dangerous without a weapon. Height: 5'6'', Weight: 110 pounds, Age: 15.5 years. CANNOT USE ANY TYPE OF MAGIC. Further investigation may be needed to understand Ms. Quinty because her way of life is different than ours. Detailed Medical File can be found in the Medical Records of The Order Of the Phoenix Faculty Division.

Mission Log: To Be Updated…

……

Jenny

8/24/09 (past flashback)

6:30 p.m.

Summer going into Hermione's 6th year

"It was really nice meeting you, Hermione." I told her earnestly as we sat in plastic lawn chairs in her parent's back yard, watching fireflies twinkle randomly into the growing darkness. The heat was making the air muggy, and I could hear mosquitoes whining out in the tall grass. My parents were supposedly friends of her parents from Dental School. I thought that I was going to be stuck with a kid wearing headgear 24/7 when my parents told me that we were going to have a three day get together, but Hermione had been really fun to be with. We had spent the past three days that my parents had been in town going to markets and touring the town, talking. We would compare what our teachers were like, what the boys at our schools were like, minor and very vague details that somehow made us closer. I felt like I had known her forever.

I taught her how to cook, (somehow, she had no idea how to even make soup) splatter paint and I even taught her some basic self defense. Her eyes would get huge when I would show her new moves I had learned at karate classes on the days we didn't spend together. She hadn't even known what a black belt in karate was, so her reaction was hilarious.

"You too. I really don't meet many interesting people at my school, it was nice to talk to you. I hadn't realized all the cool stuff I was missing out on." She smiled over at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"Hermione, you go to a private school in the boondocks, you don't need all the junky little hobbies I have. Most kids who go to private schools are really smart, like you. With smarts comes a personality." Hermione laughed.

"That is so not true, and you know it." I shrugged, and she laughed again as we watched the stars slowly appear for awhile. A cricket chirped loudly, and an owl replied. "I'm really going to miss you. It gets lonely and really intense at my school." She said abruptly, and I looked over at her. Hermione was watching the stars with a fixed gaze.

"You can always write, I'm just a postman away." I said, but she just sighed, looking down, yet incredibly torn, like she had a bigger responsibility that didn't suit her resting on her shoulders. I instantly felt slightly protective of her.

"I don't mean to sound…creepy, but I'm going to worry about you." Hermione said slowly, and I laughed.

"Hermione, it's not like I can't protect myself against the boogeyman under my bed. You know I can kick any scumbag's arse that I need to, and that includes bastards you run into as well. You get word to me and I'll make sure that they sod off." I said lightly, but Hermione didn't laugh. Instead, she sat up and turned crosslegged to face me. She looked like she was choosing her words carefully.

"I need you to take what I'm about to say without question, and just promise to do what I ask." She said quickly, and I frowned but nodded. Was she going to try to convert me or something? "I'm different, if you haven't noticed. Odd. Our 'worlds' aren't the same, and there are bigger threats rising in my 'world' than you can imagine. So please, _please_, if you ever need any kind of help, help with something you can't manage on your own, _please_ just say Pidgewedgon." She looked at me expectantly, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Pidgewedgon? I've never heard such a…interesting name before. But I promise you that if I can pronounce it right, I'll say it if I ever need help, no matter how…odd it may seem." My curiosity was fully spiked, but I squashed it the best I could. I didn't know if Hermione was going to get a laugh off of this later, because there was no possible way she could hear me say that word if I was in trouble anyway, but I didn't care. I doubted I would ever need to even use it. If I could body slam a full grown man, I could take care of my self. Hermione looked realistically relieved, so maybe she was actually serious. I tucked the name into my memory and promptly forgot it.

"You just eased some of my worries. There is a really bad, evil man gaining power in my 'world' you could call it, and he has many followers that may look normal in your 'world', but they are bad, _very_ bad. If you see a black skull tattoo on their left forearm or they are carrying what look like sticks, get away as fast as you can." Hermione looked so worried that it started to worry me. She was either a really good actress, or she was serious. Was this some sort of Death/Eco cult? Killing people with sticks as in clubs? My mind whirled with questions, but I simply nodded, leaned back and examined the sky.

"But you have to promise to write me if you need a professional body guard, or someone to kick some arse. Don't forget to practice the moves I showed you." I said, and she smiled again, like she knew some sort of joke that I didn't.

"If I ever need to use those moves, I will execute them perfectly." She said firmly, almost determinedly, watching the sky with me.

"Will I see you next summer?" I asked her, and she shook her head, looking saddened.

"I honestly can't say. But if I randomly show up at your door, I'll expect to learn how to cook some more; and that splatter painting stuff was fun." She said earnestly, getting out of her chair. "Take care of yourself." Hermione said seriously after giving me a hug. "_Don't_ forget what I told you. Pidgewedgon is the word." I laughed and nodded, and waved before walking through two backyards to get to my house. "Write!" I called, and she smiled and waved back.

……

Hermione never wrote, and early in the summer of 2010, her parents disappeared. I wondered if it had something to do with that cult she told me about, especially because they were escorted from their house by a tall African American man with a stick, but if I wanted to investigate, there was nowhere to turn. It was like they had vanished off the face of the Earth.

**A basic introduction into how Jenny met Hermione. It's hard finding a way to explain wizarding stuff as if I was restricted in what I could tell a Muggle, but I'm trying my best. The next chapter will be better, and hopefully longer, I promise.**

**blackorchestrafreak**


	2. Blood Runs Forever

Blood Runs Forever

_She's giving it all away (she's all the way there)_

_She's giving it all (she is prepared)_

_to take her place, to follow it along_

_she steps into the dark tonight_

_Rise, rise from the ashes. _

_Sink teeth into her, she becomes the cure. _

_Blood runs forever, blood runs forever._

……

Draco

8/26/10

8:32 p.m.

Late summer before Draco's 7th year

"How dare you refuse the Dark Lord?! Are you trying to kill this family, kill yourself?! Were you so afraid to kill a fat old man?" My father roared, kicking a table in his anger. I sat rigid in my high backed chair, watching the fire. "I was _barely_ able to convince the Dark Lord that you are an impertinent child, and that all you need is punishment to bend to his will." He said, coming over and standing in front of me, blocking my view of the mesmerizing flames.

I hated my father. I hated being a Slytherin. But most of all, I hated how deeply trapped I was in the Dark Arts. Even though I had been ordered by the Dark Lord to kill Dumbledore, I hadn't actually been the one to cast the spell, it had been that greasy git Snape. My father had spent all summer with the Dark Lord, trying to spare the Malfoy family, when I didn't care if it went to hell or not. I hadn't learned any of their plans, and had no desire to.

"Now, you listen to me. Greyback has agreed to take you Muggle Murdering-"

"Absolutely not." I said fiercely, standing up. "I can't go to some random Muggle house and _murder _them! Yes, they are scum, but-"

"_Which is exactly why you will not say another word._ You are going with Greyback Muggle Murdering. It will give you a spine, and you will save this family from the brink of destruction. _Do not disappoint me._" He said dangerously, picking me up by the collar out of my chair and pushing me towards the door. Apprehension and slight nausea rose in me. Could I murder an innocent person, no matter how ignorant and stupid they were?

"Ready for some fresh meat, lad?" Greyback cackled in the foyer. His wand was stuck in his belt, and he was shirtless, his massive hairy bulk already intimidating me. I nodded meekly, trying to look determined to prove myself. If I had bullshitted my way this far, perhaps I could get just a bit farther. "Lucius, I promise you, this lad will learn quickly on how to play with his food, and to show no mercy." Greyback said in almost a happy tone, and I tried not to lurch. Of course Greyback was going to play with the poor soul I was going to help him murder tonight.

"Excellent, the Dark Lord will be pleased. Good luck, and don't disappoint." He added one more time before Greyback seized my arm in a vice like grip, and after a moment of an air-less dark vacuum, we were on a muggy and dimly lit street. Once and a while, a car would idle by. Crickets chirped and once, an owl hooted. All the houses still had some lights on, even though it was after 8 o'clock.

"Lad, this is one of the most popular kind of Muggle living areas. They love this 'organized housing'. Fortunately, their houses are so unguarded, making it's easy to get in and have some fun." He emphasized the word fun and started to briskly yet silently stalk in the shadows, lightly looking over windowsills, cursing when there where too many people, or if there was a dog. The whole time he did this, he narrated and described 'the perfect target' and how easily and quickly they could be disposed of, and why all the houses we past by weren't good enough. "Aha! Take a look lad. She's a beauty, and she's alone." He shoved me over to the windowsill, and I reluctantly looked inside. A beautiful blond girl was cooking something. Music was playing, and she was gently swaying to it. She was tall for a girl, and very slender and fit. She definitely had some muscle, but I wasn't about to point that out to Greyback. "Now, watch closely, and don't get in my way. I'll demonstrate how to play with them, then you can finish her off." He strode up the front walk like it was his own house, and kicked in the door. "Honey, I'm home!" He called in a normal Muggle-ish voice.

"Brian? Is that you, because that's not-" She appeared in the doorway, an egg in one hand, "-funny." She breathed, getting a good look at the now two intruders in her home. Greyback drew his wand, and she glanced at it once, then focused her attention on the two of us with a cold, calculating gaze. "Might I ask you what the bloody hell you think you're doing?" She asked calmly, and Greyback laughed dangerously.

"This one has a bit of fire in her, I like that. Get your wand _out_, Draco, for Merlin's sake." He snapped, and I quickly drew it, and almost a look of comprehension dawned on her, but she stayed still, even when Greyback stepped closer. She looked deep in thought, and her eye flashed down to his Dark Mark.** (He is shirtless, remember?) **She couldn't possibly know what it was, or what our wands were…

"Gentlemen, if you would simply leave my house, I won't call the police. However, if you intend to do me harm, I will have to fight you." She said it seriously enough, and Greyback howled with laughter, flicking his wand once over his shoulder to close the door silently, but the lock turning made her pale slightly. Wondering what was going through her head, I hesitantly stepped closer, and seconds later, something yellow and gooey was all over me, and my cheek was incredibly sore. It took me a moment to realize she had thrown her egg at me, and had turned and fled into her kitchen. Greyback threw me in by the collar and locked that door too. She stood uncertainly in front of the sink as Greyback set his wand down.

"Now, Lad, I don't recommend setting down your wand unless you become like me, where you don't need it. Come on; let's have a look at the pretty little lass." He cooed, stepping right up close to her. She still looked almost panicked, like she was trying to remember something. Greyback stroked her face, and in a flash of movement, he was suddenly winded next to me, bruises rising on his face and arms, but wand in hand. I was shocked. She had _hit _Greyback, attacked him. She picked up what looked like glass goblets, looking coldly determined, and went to throw them. "So this one is a fighter, eh? I'll show her, _Crucio!" _ Greyback hissed, and the goblets shattered as she dropped them, starting to gasp, then scream in pain. I felt sick as I watched her writhe, sinking to her knees, then to the floor.

"This is how you play with the tough ones. The curse wears them down, so they can't fight back." Greyback said factually as he lifted the curse, leaving her gasping on the floor. Thinking fast, she opened a cabinet at her level, and suddenly plates were flying at us, shattering on my arm, thigh and back until Greyback charmed them away, making them explode; bits of ceramic going everywhere as she scrambled shakily to her feet. I felt sick; I somehow knew she would fight until she couldn't anymore, and I'd have to watch Greyback torture her again.

"Pig, pigwedge…no," She murmured distractedly, throwing eggs at us, hitting me, but making Greyback lean against the counter laughing, charming them away, even though they flew at incredibly fast speeds. He then moved almost as fast as she did, suddenly pinning her against the counter, biting her shoulder. She shuddered and gasped, her knuckles turning white on the counter until he stopped, only to lean down and take a bite of her side, almost purring with pleasure when she arched her back, starting to scream.

"P-pig, pidgwed-" I turned away as I began to be able to smell the blood she was losing. As it started to pool on the floor, she groaned as Greyback bit her a third time, on the other shoulder. "Pidgewedgon! Pidgewedgon!" She gasped suddenly, almost desperate, and when I looked up, her hand was closing around some knives in a knife case. Before I could react, she threw one at me clear across the room, and it sunk into my thigh with a sick squelch, making me fall over. She seized the biggest one with a shaking hand as Greyback slurped away, oblivious, and she stabbed it straight into his neck, blood spraying upward, onto the cupboards, her face, the ceiling, everywhere as Greyback gurgled.

At the same time, I could hear footsteps and voices. They were definitely wizards, they unlocked the first door, and I could hear them cautiously fanning out. "You…" Greyback gurgled, and even though she pushed harder on the knife, leaned forward and bit her neck, making her scream softly, yet push harder. Footsteps came racing over, and the door was kicked open. Professor Lupin, Kinglsey Shacklebolt, a woman with grossly pink hair and Ron Weasley's father entered the room, wands drawn, but froze in the doorway.

"Oh, Merlin," Mr. Weasley breathed as his eyes swept the room. Greyback fell to the floor with a thud as the girl finally let go of the knife, then she fell too. She didn't get up. The woman came over and kicked my wand away.

"This one is Draco Malfoy." She said calmly, pocketing my wand, but shooting a nervous, almost horrified glance over at the bloody scene by the sink. The rest of her group fanned out while my mind whirred. The girl must have used a Taboo to call them here. But she was a _Muggle,_ that didn't make any sense.

"Fenrir Greyback, stay back." Professor Lupin's voice was sharp, but he took a deep breath and stepped around the pools of blood to crouch in-between the girl on the ground and Greyback. He felt for a pulse on Greyback and paled. "She _killed _him." He sounded shocked, and spun on his heels to take the girls pulse but stopped. "And he bit her multiple times…she's still alive." His voice turned bitter, and he turned a truly hateful glare onto the now dead Greyback's body. I suddenly realized that we were close to the full moon, close enough for those bites to change her if she lived. Deep and sickening regret and guilt started to hurt me more than the knife in my leg. I had stood by and let this happen to a _human being._

"That little Muggle killed Fenrir Greyback?" Kingsley scoffed, sounding incredulous as Lupin cast a quick spell on the girl.

"Yes, even though he used the Cruciatus Curse." Lupin's voice was livid as he scooped her up. "We need to get back to the Order, _now._" He cradled the girl gently, like she was his own daughter. I thought I saw her eyelids flutter, but I couldn't be sure.

"What about this one? He's got a kitchen knife in his leg, and he's a Death Eater." The woman said coldly, flicking her wand to roll back my left sleeve. I glared at her and pushed it back down.

"He's coming with. Tonks, you get they boy, Shacklebolt, you get Greyback. Mr. Weasley, were going to need you at headquarters, let's _go._" Lupin stressed, and Apparated.

"On your feet then," Tonks said in an unfriendly way, flicking her wand to lift me up. Then she took my upper arm and the bloody, stained kitchen vanished.


	3. Goes Without Saying

Goes Without Saying

_It goes without saying, _

_It's already known._

_It's written all over you,_

_It goes without saying._

_Don't let it go,_

_keep it inside of you._

……

Hermione

8/26/10

9:11 p.m.

Everyone was sitting around the Burrow in a very bad mood. Bill and Fleur had decided to elope based on the sheer number of Death Eater sightings in the area lately, making Mrs. Weasley and Fleur's parents _very_ upset. I picked up a random book and stared aimlessly at a page, trying to ignore the uncomfortable tension in the room. Suddenly, I felt the tingles down my spine that I had never expected to feel, not once, but twice. Someone had used my Taboo! Ignoring the questions, I dashed to the fireplace as I checked the address and felt my breath hitch.

Jenny was calling. I thought I would never see her again. Now I didn't want to.

I threw Floo Powder into the fireplace and almost squeaked the address to Grimmauld Place. My head went through dizzying and fiery green tunnels until the dismal kitchen righted itself. Mr. Weasley looked up from the worn kitchen table in surprise to see my head suddenly sitting in the fire. "Is everything alright, Hermione?!" He asked, seeing my pale and panicked face, standing up quickly.

"No, someone dear to me used my Taboo!" I gave Mr. Weasley the address and he instantly ran to get members, not even questioning on who it was. Starting to tremble, I came back to the Burrow to be bombarded with questions. "A very dear friend used the Taboo I made almost exactly a year ago. I wanted to be able to respond to my loved ones in case…You Know Who actually started to get this much control." I said, and my voice sounded high and scared.

"You know how to set up a Taboo? What name did you use?" Mrs. Weasley asked, looking surprised, but her face was starting to pale when I did not stop looking horrified.

"Pidgewedgon. I didn't want any accidental calls." I said, and Ron looked shocked. He and Harry traded glances while I paced anxiously around the tiny living room. Everyone had gone from slightly cranky and uptight to silent and nervous. Tension was filling the air as I paced faster and faster. I knew Death Eaters were attacking Muggle families for sport, but this was _ridiculous._ I never thought Jenny would need my help.

"Who…who used the Taboo?" Mrs. Weasley asked finally. I stopped pacing and grabbed onto the edge of a chair, unwilling to answer. What would they say? What would happen to Jenny if she was ok?? I leapt into the air when the fire crackled, and Mr. Weasley's face appeared in the fire, and he looked grim. "It was a Death Eater attack at a local Muggle residence. The girl was fit, with long blond hair…" he trailed off pathetically as my hands flew to my mouth. That was Jenny, for sure. Everyone looked at me in surprise at the mention of the Muggle residence.

"Is she alright?" I squeaked, and when his face turned even grimmer, I gasped. "Is she _dead?_" I asked, and the look fell off his face.

"No, no! Not yet, but she is hurt. The situation is…extremely delicate. We're going to need you, Molly. You can bring everyone if you want, but it's not pretty. Lupin is furious." He was going to leave, but Charlie spoke up.

"Do you know how many were there?" he asked, and Mr. Weasley hesitated.

"You'll have to see when you get here." He said quickly, and vanished. For a moment, no one moved. Then Mrs. Weasley got up quickly, and started Summoning different items and shoving them into a bag.

"Oh, _please_ hurry," I moaned, trembling. Mrs. Weasley sighed after closing her bag.

"Bill, Fleur, Charlie, Fred, George? Apparate with all these kids, but _go where you are told._ And stay out of the way. See you in a moment." She said, and took my arm. The last thing I saw was all the underage kids standing up as fast as they could, to follow us. We appeared in the grassy patch in front of the two dingy houses, and Grimmauld Place appeared from between the two. Mrs. Weasley hurried inside, and I was hot on her heels. I followed her down the dark hallways to the kitchen. "Where am I needed?" she asked Mr. Weasley sharply, but he shook his head, making my heart clench at the look on her face.

"You can try, Molly, Dear, but we called for Madam Pompfrey. Her wounds are…extensive and…" He stopped when he saw me. "Hermione, here, sit down. When everyone gets here, I'll brief all of you at once. The time for secrecy has past." He said, looking pale, and pulled out a chair for me, which I slowly sank into. Jenny…was she dying? Insane? Cursed beyond repair? I couldn't help but think about Neville's parents, mentally insane…

Mrs. Weasley headed for the stairs as more people from the Burrow started to arrive. Finally, when everyone was here, Mr. Weasley took a deep breath. "Hermione, why don't you start by telling us who this young woman is." He looked apprehensive.

"Jenny was my friend the summer before sixth year. I was with my parents towards the end, and they insisted on meeting up with some of their friends from the school they went to. Jenny was their adopted daughter. We spent three full days together, and we were really good friends. She showed me a whole bunch of Muggle activities that are really fun. Towards the end, I realized that if Voldemort came to power, she would need protection. I created a Taboo on the word 'Pidgewedgon' so that I could respond to loved ones if it became necessary." I bit my lip and stared at the table top as Ron gently squeezed my hand.

"Alright…Ms. Jenny was attacked in her house when she was alone, by two Death Eaters. Somehow, she managed to kill one and injure the other." Mr. Weasley said slowly, and everyone sort of gasped. I wasn't surprised, if Jenny wanted to; I knew she could have done that. I was just wondering how she managed to do that against two Dark Wizards…

"But this girl is a _Muggle._ She was against _two_ Death Eaters, that's impossible." George said loudly as everyone kind of muttered to each other.

"Yeah, what kind of Muggles do you make friends with, Hermione, the ones that carry those gun things with them?" Fred added, but frowned as I smiled faintly.

"Muggles have a kind of sport called karate; it's like physical defense and fighting, sort of like boxing. You get a belt for every 'level' you complete, and they come in different colors. A black belt means you are a master, and are actually dangerous without any weapon. Jenny was a black belt." I said softly, and when no one spoke, I looked pointedly at Mr. Weasley.

"Ahem, yes, well," He cleaned his glasses hurriedly, making my stomach plummet. "Jenny was attacked by Draco Malfoy and Fenrir Greyback." Bill stood up so fast, the table moved, and everyone sat in shocked silence.

"She killed _Malfoy?"_ Ron actually sounded pleased, but when Mr. Weasley shook his head, I gasped and slumped back into my chair. "_She killed __**Greyback?!"**_Ron amended, standing up too. "How?!"

"Apparently she was cooking, when the attack happened. We found broken glasses, broken eggs, and plates smashed by spell and by force. She injured Draco Malfoy by stabbing him in the right thigh, and stabbed Greyback in the neck." Mr. Weasley swallowed, looking even paler. He was probably picturing the scene when he got there, and it made my heart clench.

"Bloody hell," Bill whispered, looking impressed yet pissed off as he finally let Fleur tug him back to a seated position.

"I'm afraid that's not all. Although she did inflict bodily harm on Greyback other than the obvious stab wound…he bit her. Several times." Mr. Weasley looked at the table top and no one spoke until I burst into tears. She had fought for her life, _killed_ a Death Eater and injured another, and she was _bitten._ Ron put an uneasy arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze until I stopped crying. Mr. Weasley swallowed loudly, but then continued as I dabbed at my eyes. "Lupin is beside himself. We obviously can't modify her memory and put her back where she belongs. At the same time, if we keep her among us, she will only be in danger, and she will only bring danger here."

"I feel so bad for him," Tonks's voice in the doorway scared me. "If Greyback wasn't already dead, he would probably go try to hunt him down. The Malfoy boy is locked in the attic. Molly treated his wound and Madam Pompfrey is supposedly on her way." She added, leaning against an edge of the table.

"What are you going to do with her if she recovers?" Harry asked, and Tonks looked up brightly while Mr. Weasley shrugged, looking uncomfortable. I wanted to know this too, she didn't have many options here, if any…

"I can't really say anything, the Order will have to decide what would be best for her condition." Tonks quickly looked down when he said that, but I was peeking up the stairs from where I was sitting, starting to ignore them. I could see shadows moving on the landing, but not much else. The front door opened and Madam Pompfrey came hurrying down the hallway, nodded to us, then picked up her skirt and almost ran up the stairs, a bag over her arm. I groaned and put my head in my arms.

"When can I see Jenny?" I asked, dreading the answer. I could almost hear Mr. Weasley stiffen.

"It depends on if we can treat her wounds. If so, when Madam Pompfrey and Lupin see fit. If she survives, she could be dangerous. Greyback bit her multiple times with a vengeance." Mr. Weasley said quietly, and then the waiting began.


	4. Faces

Faces

_Would you agree that we're far from all right?_

_(We fall below the line! We fall below the standards!)_

_If only you could see_

_What we see through these eyes_

_(This plague is spreading, it will sink under your skin!)_

……

Hermione

8/27/10

12:16 p.m.

After staying up all night, I barely had any sleep the next morning, but I stayed downstairs in the kitchen anyway, trying not to go up the stairs to see for myself. Mrs. Weasley had come downstairs to cook, but she had only said that time would make the difference as far as Jenny's recovery went. The members of the Order besides Lupin and Madam Pompfrey were organizing for a meeting, and for the first time, everyone except Ginny was of age and in attendance.

"This young woman, Jenny is her name, is a Muggle. She knows nothing of magic, correct?" Kingsley asked me calmly.

"To make her agree to the Taboo, I told her that our 'worlds' were different, and I told her to be wary of the Death Eater's tattoo and people carrying sticks. I never used the words 'magic' or 'wand', not even 'Death Eater.' I'm surprised she accepted it so calmly." I said nervously. What I had done was just bordering on against the law. Kingsley raised an eyebrow but continued.

"How many times was she bitten?" Kingsley addressed Tonks.

"Four times, sir. Both shoulders, her left side, and then the left side of her neck." Tonks managed to say it with a straight face, but my stomach twisted at the thought. Incredible guilt was riddling me, no matter how many times Harry and Ron told me this wasn't my fault. Kingsley sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"If she survives, she will no doubt be a werewolf, even though Greyback wasn't actually a wolf when she was bitten; we are too close to the full moon. We have no idea if she will be as vicious as Greyback or not. We would not be able to modify her memory and send her back home, she would slaughter people at the full moon, especially without the Wolfsbane Potion." Kingsley paused, deep in thought. "If we kept her with us, she could either be harmful or a hassle. I can't see any good path for her at this point."

"Sir, if you don't mind, I have an idea. I'm not sure on how it would work…but if this Jenny wasn't a violent, vicious person after the bites, and if she survived and was properly trained…I think she would be an excellent spy." Tonks said firmly, and dead silence filled the table. I lifted my head. A _spy?_

"Tonks, what you are suggesting is against the law. She would have to have a level of knowledge on magic that break every Wizarding Secrecy Law out there." Mr. Weasley said slowly.

"Look at the Ministry! It's run by Death Eaters now! If you think they are going to stop looking at blood status and start looking for _Muggle_ spies, you are crazy." Tonks said earnestly. I was starting to warm up to the idea. Jenny could be good at it! She was fit, fast and smart, and she would blend in almost anywhere.

"Jenny is an extremely fit person. She's more fit than a professional Quidditch player, and she is dangerous without a weapon. I know only Mrs. Weasley and Tonks have seen the bruises on Draco Malfoy, not to mention the wound, and that was from her just throwing random objects after she had been _tortured._" I emphasized, sitting up straight. "I don't mean to scare you, but if she could kill Greyback injured as she was, imagine what she could do when she was fresh." Everyone glanced uneasily around the table.

"But will that fitness get her anywhere against a _wizard?_" Fred spoke up, looking like he wanted to get on board for Jenny's cause, but was unsure. If only they all knew what Jenny was like!

"She managed to take on two Death Eaters by herself, and did significant damage to both. Draco Malfoy's stab wound would keep him from walking anywhere if he couldn't Apparate." Mrs. Weasley said cautiously from farther down the table.

"And Greyback's stab wound was deep. I would expect that kind of power from a strong, fresh male, not a weak, hurt female _Muggle._" Kingsley muttered almost under his breath. Everyone thought for a few moments. "I suggest we vote. If Lupin and Madam Pompfrey both say that she is harmless and can be tamed as a wolf with the Wolfsbane Potion, would you agree to the idea of trying to train this Jenny as a spy?" Kingsley asked, and everyone raised their hand.

"I guess that settles it. I'm going to go feed our prisoner and check in on the situation upstairs." Mrs. Weasley said tiredly, and I jumped out of my seat.

"Might I come with you? Not to see Malfoy, but to see Jenny?" I asked, and she hesitated.

"I'll go in first and ask Madam Pompfrey and Lupin. She still might be dangerous. If I tell you to leave, you will go downstairs, is that understood?" She asked firmly, and I quickly nodded. She sighed but took three plates of food with her up the stairs. I waited halfway up as she kept climbing. A few minutes later, she came back from the far upstairs, one plate missing. She knocked softly on the first door on the landing and vanished into the room. Moments later, she stuck her head out and motioned me up the stairs.

Silently, I flew up the stairs and slipped inside. The room was full of tension. Madam Pompfrey and Lupin were sitting on either side of the bed, a plate somewhere near both of them. I stayed at the far back of the room, behind Mrs. Weasley's arm, and took in Jenny. Her face was incredibly pale, and she looked too still, minus the rise and fall of her blankets. Every breath looked painful; the blankets shuddered and fell in jerky patterns. Her long hair was pulled back, but other than that, she looked almost the same from the last time I saw her. Mrs. Weasley slowly dropped her arm as Lupin nodded once. As I took a cautious step forward, I got a better look at his face. He looked distraught yet heavily guarded, sitting tensely at the edge of his chair. Moving closer, I could see how tired he and Madam Pompfrey looked. I could also see the edges of two heavy white bandages on Jenny's shoulders, and one wrapping around the left side of her neck.

"Oh, _Jenny."_ I breathed, and Mrs. Weasley put a careful arm around me. She looked like she could die at any moment. And what if she turned vicious and violent? What would happen to her then?? I already knew that I knew that answer; I just didn't want to accept it. The Order would have to kill her; it would be the only way. "I should have gone back to protect her. I went to get my parents, but I just _left _her there." I whispered, watching her breathe. Mrs. Weasley shook her head.

"You wouldn't have been able to do much. You would have had to modify her memory, and it's hard to do that to a loved one. This is not your fault." She said.

"What kind of a person is Jenny?" Lupin asked tiredly after a moment. It took me a minute to realize that he was trying to predict how the bites would affect her.

"Jenny was…balanced, you could say. She could be incredibly funny, yet serious, meek yet fierce, protective and wise, all at the same time. When the moment was right, she would act. She gets incredibly curious sometimes, and can have a quick temper." I said quietly. Seeing her so still was a stark contrast to the Jenny I knew, she had a lightning fast arm from splatter painting so much; rock climbing, karate and tai chi had made her strong, she was always moving.

"At this stage, the magic in Greyback's saliva and blood will have started to attack her brain. If she can resist for the next 24 hours, her personality should stay relatively the same. But I'm sorry to say that she may start to…react. It won't be pleasant for her or for us." Lupin said this all with little to no emotion, glaring at the floorboards and I knew that he was remembering when it happened to him.

"And we can't do anything to…ease her pain?" Mrs. Weasley asked for me, as if she had read my mind. Lupin silently shook his head.

"When the attacks happen on the brain, it makes the wounds burn as it closes them, to keep the magic inside. If we were to try to stop that, to leave the wounds open, the attacks would never stop, and she would probably get some type of infection from the wounds. Normally, a victim is only bit once, or is mauled to death. Jenny was bitten multiple times, so it will be interesting to see how it turns out." Madam Pompfrey said in a harried voice, her hands twisting in her lap. Madam Pompfrey was always anxious when she couldn't do much to cure a patient. My gaze went back to Jenny, and I felt more regret, more guilt. I still should have been there.

……

Hermione

8/28/10

1:45 a.m.

I jerked into alertness when a cry of sheer torture erupted into the silence, and I heard Ginny swear unattractively and shakily as she lit her wand. The mattresses creaked in the boys rooms down the hall, so I knew it had woken everyone up. The same cry happened again, making me wince but hurry over to the door and peek into the hallway. I could hear feet moving rapidly downstairs, and voices that were getting louder. I looked down the hall when Ginny appeared at my shoulder to see the boys cautiously looking out too.

Jenny screamed again, and it slightly reminded me of a wolf call, but made me cringe as they got faster and longer, but more strangled. Slowly, we all converged on the landing, and we sat on the stairs, listening. I buried my head into Ron's shoulder as the voices in her room got louder, to try to be heard over her screaming. "They're so eerie." Harry broke the silence, sounding cautious and almost scared. Randomly, I heard a door open, then Mrs. Weasley was on the stairs and stopped short at the sight of all of us on the stairs.

"Hermione, we need you. Now." She sounded strained, so I shakily got up and followed her without a word, down the stairs and across the hall to Jenny's room and we quickly went inside. The noise made it hard to hear, and it made me want to cry. Lupin was right up next to her, hand over hers firmly, saying things I couldn't hear. Jenny's eyes were full of pain and were almost dull with delirium. When she saw me, she suddenly stopped screaming, watching me, starting to raise herself up for a better look.

"Hermione?" She gasped almost inaudibly, then groaned, letting her head fall back down, and her teeth locked together. I darted to the other side and took her other hand, which was in a fist.

"Jenny," I breathed, and winced when the screams started back up again, her frame shaking.

"What—is-happening-to—me-?" She gasped painfully, trying to control herself and failing miserably. I shot a look at Lupin, who had frozen at her question. "_What is wrong with me?!"_ Jenny screamed, and it must have lasted for a minute or more.

"Jenny, remember what you told me, when you were teaching me how to rock climb? About pain?" when she didn't' answer, I pushed ahead. "You said: 'Pain is not my enemy, because I cannot define it. Therefore, pain does not define me.' Do you remember?" I asked again, and Jenny groaned, opening her eyes and met my gaze, then clenched her teeth and closed her eyes, getting so tense, her hand was super tight around mine.

"Hermione-" She started, but groaned and seemed to pale further.

"Jenny, I'm sorry, I should have protected you, and I didn't. I should have told you more about my 'world', and the dangers that were spilling over into yours. I'm sorry." I said quickly as her face twisted terribly, but she managed to stay silent.

"God, it _burns," _Jenny groaned, and I apologized profusely after each scream, each groan. Towards the end, Jenny alternated from screaming silently to a clenched jaw, and then she slowly relaxed, her eyes closed, until her grip slackened and fell from mine. Lupin checked her pulse, his face carefully controlled, and looked surprised.

"I'm pretty sure she's going to make it. Against all odds, I think she's going to live." Lupin sounded awed. "We can only hope that she stays the same. If it was hard for me with one bite, I can't imagine what four must have been like." He added the last part quietly, almost as an afterthought, watching Jenny carefully.

"How long before she's awake?" I asked nervously, backing up so that Madam Pompfrey could check the bites. I had to look away after seeing the first bandage being removed on her neck. The bites were human, but the canine teeth were longer and deeper. I glanced quickly at Lupin, and noticed that his were the same way. Wondering why that hadn't been apparent to me before, I sat slowly down in a chair. "Lupin, if Jenny stays the same…what do you think about her being a spy for the Order?" Lupin sighed and leaned against the wall.

"I really can't have an opinion on it, and neither can she. It's her only option, even if it is possibly life threatening and most certainly illegal. My only worry is when the Ministry is restored. She will have to learn how to act like a wizard, because the Ministry will not hesitate to kill her, currently and in the future." Lupin looked incredibly sad.

"But, she's technically magical! She'll be a werewolf!" I protested weakly, and Lupin frowned darkly. His hands turned to fists.

"Exactly. The Ministry already wants to exterminate werewolves, a Muggle one would be like an invitation to them. Even if Jenny can protect herself against non-magic, she will still need protection. Even if you friend survives as herself, she will be in danger for the rest of her life."


	5. Final Destination

Final Destination

_But no one faced what's coming my way. _

_And I will let my fear fade away _

_Whatever may be, I'll have to find out._

……

Jenny

8/28/10

9:18 a.m.

"All of you, _stay upstairs_ until someone comes to get you. We don't know what she'll be like when she wakes up. No matter what you hear or see. Understood?" A deep, calming voice that was vaguely familiar popped the bubble of black silence in my head and made me stir. I immediately started to wrack my memories as a group of feet moved slowly but surely closer to where I was. The one man had _bitten_ me, like a cannibal, and it had _hurt._ The cold as ice feeling spiking into my veins had made me fall into an icy hell that slowly warmed until I had been being burned alive.

I had been in a room, with two women I hadn't recognized, Hermione, and the man who had watched me the whole time silently, with almost an angry face that unnerved me. Then I had fallen asleep when the flames vanished. Hermione had…_apologized_ for 'not protecting me', and she had mentioned telling me things, but her speech in my memory was hazy.

The stinging from my bites had faded, and I was only sore now, but confused as hell. Why was I attacked? Where was I now? When my head stopped pounding, I opened my eyes and looked quickly around. The room was full of people, talking tensely with each other. All of them had sticks; that made me tense. The man who had attacked me called them _wands_, but that was ridiculous, magic didn't exist-

The slightly balding man with the glasses that had appeared in my kitchen made a slightly strangled noise when he met my gaze, and instantly, all the people in the room had their stick-things pointed at me, and I felt an instant pang of fear. Last time one of those was pointed at me, that terrible pain had come from my bones. "Are you Jenny Quinty?" An African American man with the deep, calming voice spoke suddenly, making me flinch.

"Yes," I said, and winced. The bite on the side of my neck had stretched slightly, and ignoring the people in front of me, I moved my hand to cup the spot; my eyes closing and my jaw clenching when I felt each individual wound from each tooth.

"Who is the girl you met last summer, and what did you teach her how to do?" The man spoke again, making me eyes open. His gaze was emotionless.

"Her name was Hermione Granger. I taught her how to cook, splatter paint, rock climb and self defense." I whispered, after my first few words made my face twist and the bite twang. I wondered worriedly if I would ever be able to normally talk. The slightly angry man from the previous night stepped forward, then walked calmly over until he was right next to me. I shied a little away from the side of the bed he was on. His stick-thing was so close to me.

"Let me see your neck." He said this flatly, and I hesitated. It was still so sore, my whole body was. Slowly, I propped myself upright, and I couldn't help but gasp with pain several times. My whole body felt like it had been beaten with a bat. Then I closed me eyes and winced as I turned my head away from him, so that the side of my neck was exposed. I heard him move, and felt two fingers lightly touch my neck, making me flinch. Several people shuffled in front of the bed, but I didn't open my eyes, I was too afraid. The two fingers suddenly poked me, making me gasp sharply and tense. Ever been kicked in a heavy bruise? That's what it felt like, but ten times worse. The two fingers turned into a hand lightly on my head that applied slight pressure, and I willingly moved my head to a new angle. For a moment, there was silence.

"She's alright. If she had changed, she would have attacked me when I poked her." The man next to me said, and I slowly opened my eyes to meet his gaze. "And I apologize for poking you, but the test was necessary." The man said kindly, looking friendly; a stark contrast to the coldness he had previously showed me. "We're going to need Hermione," He said out loud, and someone in the back of the room left. When I still didn't say anything, he cleared his throat. "My name is Remus Lupin." He said in the same, kind tone.

"Jenny…Jenny Quinty." I whispered, and Hermione suddenly rushed in and took one of my hands, and gave it a fierce squeeze.

"Jenny! How are you?!" She looked positively panicked. "I know that you are probably very confused, and I'm so sorry." She said in a rush.

"Hermione…I don't know how…but that ridiculous name you told me saved my life. You shouldn't apologize." I said softly, went to raise my hand to touch the bite as it twanged, but I set it down again at the look on Hermione's face.

"Jenny…I know that you don't know who any of us are besides Hermione…but we need to know what happened to you. Then we will answer any question you have." Lupin said as Hermione just bit her lip and smiled timidly at me, her eyes lingering on the three visible bites. I looked around the room, looked each person firmly in the eye. They didn't look like the men that had attacked me, but I hadn't expected that to ever happen.

"I'll start if I can see your left forearms, please." I said as bravely as I could muster. After an awkward moment that was filled with loaded looks that were passed around the people in front of me, everyone in attendance pulled up their left sleeves. I was relieved to see that none of them had the dark tattoo that I had seen on the one man's arm. "I'm sorry…I just had to check." I apologized softly, but the smiles and nods of approval I got from people in attendance shocked me. Apparently, I had impressed them. I took a deep breath, trying to assemble my thoughts. "I was home alone; my parents were out seeing a movie at the theater. I was bored, so I decided to make something to eat when someone kicked in the door and said, "Honey, I'm home." I thought it was Brian, my boyfriend." The angry noise someone made from what sounded like _outside_ the door made me stop and rub the scar on my neck. After some throat clearing, Lupin asked me to continue. "I came out of the kitchen and found two men in the sitting room. One was pale, thin and blond, he looked sick to his stomach. The other was huge, buff and dark haired. He was shirtless, and he had a tattoo on his left forearm. It looked like a skull with snakes. They had these…stick things, like you all do, and the big one called them _wands._ He somehow locked the door without being near it. I ran back into the kitchen, and they followed me and locked that door too." Hermione started to cry silently next to me, so I gave her hand a light squeeze.

"The big one was…instructing the pale one, coming closer, but the pale one seemed so…reluctant. He looked like he was going to throw up. The big one set his stick thing down and tried to touch me."

"Typical cocky little-" someone muttered, but the noise stopped quickly as it started. Again, it sounded like it came from just outside the door. I ignored it and continued.

"The move I used should have knocked him out, but he wasn't even bleeding. Then he used this…I guess it was a chant or a spell, and he used his wand-thingy. It felt like my bones were s-shredding. When it stopped, I had fallen over, so I opened one of the cabinets and started throwing plates. The big one thought it was _funny._" I almost growled on the last word. "But the blond one didn't even defend himself, even though his…teacher was making them explode somehow. Then…he bit me. Once on the shoulder, and then my side." I stopped talking, moving my hand absentmindedly from my neck to my right shoulder. My nose and eyes felt prickly, like I wanted to cry, but I tried not to.

"What happened next?" Lupin asked calmly enough, but I could sense an anger building in him, like last night.

"I felt along the counter for a weapon, even though the bite was… excruciating. The man bit me again, on the other shoulder when I found the kitchen knives, and threw one at the pale one as he tried to stop me. Then I grabbed the biggest one and went to stab the one biting me in the back, but it went right into his neck, and blood went _everywhere_, in my mouth, on the ceiling…everywhere." I took another deep breath, even though tears had started to trail silently down my face. The feeling of someone else's warm blood on my face had been repulsive. "I had been trying to remember the strange name-word Hermione had told me; she had warned me about men like this, but I thought that I would never run into that kind of trouble. I finally said it right. The man bit me for the last time, right in the neck, so I put all my weight on the knife. I remember people coming in, then nothing else." Hermione suddenly was hugging me with everything she had, starting to sob.

I bit my lip as my shoulders twanged uncomfortably when I put my arms around her trembling back, too tired to hug her back. "Thank you, Jenny. I'm certain that telling us the truth with that much detail must have been hard for you." The man with the deep voice said. As Hermione let go and sat back, wiping her eyes, he spoke again. "Now I think it's time you got a full explanation of what is going on."


	6. Jillian I'd Give My Heart

Jillian (I'd Give My Heart)

_I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul._

_I'd turn it back, it's my fault._

_Your destiny is forlorn,_

_have to live till it's undone._

……

Jenny

8/28/10

9:56 a.m.

"Jenny, Hermione was right, you come from a different world than us. Unfortunately, you are now suddenly part of ours, and there is no getting out of it. In our world, everyone is either a witch or a wizard, and everyone can use magic. Unicorns and other magical creatures exist." The man with the deep voice said, and he said it with a straight face. I crossed my arms, my temper starting to take off.

"That is so fucking rude. You don't play that kind of a joke on people, especially when they're incapacitated." I said angrily, and the look fell right off his face. "Those…men were obviously crazy if they thought they had _wands, _and here you are, trying to mess with my head."

"Explain then the pain that one man caused you without even touching you. Explain how using the word Pidgewedgon saved your life." He retorted, and when I looked at him like he was crazy, he continued. "There are two…sides of witches and wizards, the Dark and the Light. The Dark believes that only wizards born from two magical parents are worthy to be alive. The Light believes that anyone who is a witch or wizard not only deserves to live, but should be treated equally."

"You must be bloody insane," I breathed, glancing at Hermione, but she shook her head, looking almost guilty.

"One magical creature that exists is the werewolf. Although they are rare, one was working for the Dark side. He was the man that attacked you, his name was Fenrir Greyback. You killed him." He stopped as I paled, suddenly realizing what he was getting at. If what he was saying was true, I had been _bitten._ That pain was because I was turning into a _werewolf._ That's why the man bit me. He hadn't been a cannibal. He was a werewolf. And, _I killed him._ I mean, I knew that I was willing to do that if that's what it took to keep myself and my loved ones safe…but I had taken a life.

"Oh God," I choked, and buried my face in my hands. My mind was totally blown. One, a whole world I hadn't even known about was suddenly mine, two, I was a _fucking werewolf. _and three, I was technically a murder.I'd grown up my whole life believing that what I now was didn't exist, they were mythical. Not any more…

"I'm sorry, Jenny. If you hadn't been bitten, we would have wiped your mind of the attack after you were healed and returned you to your residence. That is obviously now out of the question. But you aren't alone in this. Lupin is a werewolf as well." The man continued, sounding a little friendlier. I lifted my head to see Lupin looking at me with the angry gaze. I realized he wasn't angry with me, he was angry for me.

"Unfortunately, werewolves are prejudiced against by our government, which has been taken over by the Dark Wizards, so that prejudice has been turned into a killing spree. They want to hunt down wolves like Lupin and kill them. Never before has there been a Muggle, or non-magical person who was been bitten. Even if we could let you go, which we can't, you would be hunted down. If we let you leave, every full moon you would have to somehow get away from the city, or you would risk exposure or more killings. If you stay with us, we can give you a potion that let's you keep your mind at the full moon." The man said, and I gasped.

"_Keep my mind?!_ As in I won't know who I am when I change?" I whispered, horrified. Lupin looked stony when he nodded silently, glaring at the floor. "This is insanity." I whispered, and Hermione burst into tears, making me jump. She had been incredibly quiet through the entire exchange. "H-Hermione, it's alright," I stammered in surprise, and reached over to lightly touch her knee as she buried her face in her hands, weeping.

"No it's not! You don't have any options, nowhere to go, and this is _my fault!_" She sobbed. I took a quick deep breath, closed my eyes, and then spoke.

"Hermione, I may have no other options, but this is not your fault. You didn't send those Dark Wizards to my house, and you didn't make the one bite me. If you hadn't have met me, you wouldn't have even heard about this." I said firmly, watching her until she looked up.

"Jenny, you're stuck here. You'll be constantly in danger when you're here, and your only option could kill you." Hermione sniffed.

"You just said I didn't have any options, Hermione." I said slowly, and she froze. Lupin cleared his throat, so I looked at him.

"You do have an option. The Order of the Phoenix needs a spy. You'd be perfect in the position; you are fit, dangerous and smart. Plus, you already have a disguise. Any wizard who didn't know you wouldn't think twice about who you were. You look like a Muggle, know how to be a Muggle, but you would know about us. You would be able to gather information without being in too much danger. Yes, you knowing about us has already broken a few laws, and if you were found out, you would most certainly be in grave danger, but it's your only option." Lupin tried to say this nicely, but the look on his face gave him away. I would be in danger, all the time.

"I barely know anything about your world. What makes you think I could be able to be a witch one moment and a Muggle the next? Just because I killed a wizard, doesn't mean I could do it again, especially if they were armed." I argued trying not to freak out as I realized that what I had just said didn't matter. I was already in it, it was my only option. "But I suppose that doesn't make a difference, does it?" I asked slowly after a moment of silence, and Lupin shook his head sadly, making me angry. I didn't want his fucking pity.

"We're all terribly angered and sorry for what has happened to you, Jenny. Part of the Order of the Phoenix is about protecting Muggles, like yourself." The deep-voiced-man said again. "My name is Kingsley Shacklebolt. I was a Dark Wizard catcher for the Ministry before it fell. I worked for the Order part-time before, but now that's all I do." He smiled, and his teeth made a beautiful contrast to his face. He had a hoop dangling from one ear, and I suddenly felt safer in his presence.

"You already know Remus, but the two women who helped him tend to you are Madam Pompfrey, and Mrs. Weasley." He said, pointing them out to me.

"I owe you thanks for saving my life." I said, gratefulness spreading through me. Madam Pompfrey flushed a deep red while Mrs. Weasley smiled kindly at me.

"It's no problem dear. This is my husband, Mr. Weasley, and I'll bet all of our children are eavesdropping outside the door when I_ told_ them not to." She went from sweet to scary in about ten seconds, and I heard a gasp from outside the door. "Come in, then." She snapped, and the door swung open. A large troop of people came in, suddenly filling the space in front of the bed. There were six children with the same hair as Mrs. Weasley, a beautiful woman with almost white blond hair, and a boy with jet black hair and glasses. "_Why_ would you listen behind the door when I specifically told you all not to?" Mrs. Weasley said dangerously. I didn't know if I should laugh or be afraid. I found her sudden ability to be scary and hilarious, but she was also swelling up like a bullfrog. All of the teenagers wisely stayed quiet, either looking at the floor or the walls with perfectly blank faces.

"They really weren't doing any harm." I reasoned quietly, but she ignored me. One of the red-headed boys with a incredibly scarred face glanced at me for a moment, and the bite marks visible felt like giant neon targets on my skin as his eyes locked onto them. "Wait a second," I said as a new thought snapped into my brain, and Mrs. Weasley deflated, looking annoyed that I had interrupted the rant she had been storing. "How am I supposed to look like a Muggle when I have a giant bite mark on my neck?" Mrs. Weasley's angry face fell away and she looked at me with that stupid pity that made my blood boil.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Kingsley said in his reassuring voice, and Lupin suddenly unbuttoning his shirt made my eyebrows shoot into my hairline. When he took off his wrinkled and faded dress shirt, I was surprised to see that he was pretty muscular, and a _huge_ bite started on one side of his shoulder and went onto his back. It definitely wasn't human, he must have been bitten by an actual wolf.

"They aren't that hard to hide. The major problem you'll have is hiding the one on your neck." Lupin said in a business like tone as he shrugged back into his shirt and buttoned it up briskly. "Now," he said, either pushing through the shocked silence or ignoring it, "how do you feel?"

"Like I was run over with a car," I admitted. My whole body still ached and I was becoming more and more uncomfortably aware that I was half-naked. I still had on my paint-splattered jeans, but they had just taken off my shirt to treat the wounds.

"I'll get you a shirt and some strong tea, dear." Mrs. Weasley said instantly, again as if she had read my mind. She swept out, and most of the wizards and witches in the room left, except for Lupin, Madam Pompfrey, a woman with shockingly pink hair and the group of teens who had been listening at the door.

"I guess I should introduce all of these people to you, now that your stay has been extended." Hermione said quickly before an awkward silence could grow. "This may be hard to remember, but I'm going to start with our massive amount of red-heads." She grinned at the large mass as all the siblings grinned back. "Ok, the man standing next to his wife with the blond hair is Bill, the oldest Weasley kid. His wife's name is Fleur." Hermione said, and I gave him a little nod as he waved awkwardly. "The short guy with the burns is Charlie, the second oldest." Hermione said, and he snorted indignantly.

"I am _not_ short. All my brothers and sisters are just freakishly tall." He looked so stubborn about it, that I felt a smile starting to rise to my face, so I quickly looked at Hermione, to hide it. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued.

"The twin duo over there is Fred and George. Don't ask me to tell you which on is which, I don't think that _they _even know." Hermione squinted at one of them as they cracked identical evil grins. "I think _maybe_ the one on the…left is George. Can't be sure though."

"Excellent, Hermione, we've taught you well." Said the one who might be George. "But to be nice about it, I'm actually Fred. _That's_ George." Fred pointed to his brother, who took a ridiculous bow.

"Moving on…tall kid with the freckly nose is Ron." Hermione said, and Ron rolled his eyes as the kid with the black hair next to him sniggered at his description, earning him a smack.

"You realize that the description you gave her could fit any of us?" He asked, gesturing around at his siblings, and I realized that he was right. Hermione glared at him.

"Thank you for totally ruining your introduction. _Anyway,_ the gorgeous redhead next to Ron is Ginny." Ginny smiled brilliantly at me, and my timid smile felt weak in comparison. "And last but not least, the absolute _nerd_ in the glasses is Harry." Hermione teased, and Harry frowned at her. His eyes were incredibly green, and it looked like he had a scar on his forehead.

"Are you making fun of my glasses, Hermione? Really?" He challenged her in a bored tone, like he had been doing it for his whole life. Hermione laughed out loud.

"He's just sensitive about them." She stage whispered to me, and I sat there, totally nonplussed as Harry glared fiercely at her.

"_Ahem._" Said the woman with the pink hair, and Hermione brightened.

"Sorry about that, Jenny, this is Nymphadora Tonks. Of course, if you don't call her Tonks, she'll hex you into the next century. " Hermione added quickly as Tonks glared at her.

"Damn straight. You try being called Nymphadora." She sounded wearily defensive. Mrs. Weasley came in and shooed everyone out, handing me a plain blue tanktop and setting a steaming cup next to me. Folded up neatly inside the shirt was my bra, and I couldn't help but flush fiercely when I had to ask for help. But Mrs. Weasley surprised me, she was almost better than my own mother about the whole thing, and then she helped me painfully pull on the top. She called Hermione, Madam Pompfrey and Lupin back inside, then left, handing me the steaming mug. I raised my eyebrows as I looked down into the tea to find it a hideous fluorescent orange.

"It looks disgusting, but it helps with the stiffness." Lupin said as he settled himself down in his chair. I took a sip and had to clap a hand to my mouth. It tasted as disgusting as it looked.

"God, that's potent." I muttered, but took another sip without making a face as Hermione started to look worried. I didn't want her to beat herself up anymore than she already had. Lupin had his pity face on again, which made me want to smack the crap out of him. I was going to get better, work out and practice, and be the best goddamn spy I could possibly be; I didn't need his pity, and most of all, I _didn't_ need his help.


	7. Mother Earth

Mother Earth

_Once you will know my dear_

_You dont have to fear_

_A new beginning_

_Always starts at the end_

Jenny

8/28/10

4:29 p.m.

Lupin hadn't lied, the mysterious and hideous orange tea had helped with the stiffness. It had helped a lot, actually, but Madam Pompfrey refused every request I had to get up and at least walk around the room. Not that it mattered, all my energy drained quickly away as I started to try to remember everything Hermione told me about the Wizarding world. It was all incredibly fascinating, but I was tired, and a photographic memory didn't help when all the information was in a narrative.

"Ok, let me get this straight," I said, holding up a finger. Hermione was trying to teach me about the wizards one sport, Quidditch, and she was failing miserably. "The…keeper guards the hoops, and you score with the Quaffle?" I asked with my eyes closed, trying to picture a game and trying not to laugh.

"Um, I _think_ so." Hermione said, and checked the book on her lap. "Yeah, you're right. Keepers guard the hoops from Chasers with the Quaffle." She sounded like she was trying to memorize it herself, and it didn't help my confidence.

"So it's kind of like basketball?" I asked and Hermione looked at me strangely.

"In a way…you know what? I need a guy to explain this. HARRY?" She bellowed, and I winced. I didn't realize she could get so loud. A moment later, and a cracking noise, Harry appeared at the end of the bed. I knew that wizards could travel like that, (Apparating? I think that's it) but that didn't stop me from freaking out every time they did it.

"You rang?" He asked sarcastically.

"Ok, so I'm trying to teach her Quidditch, and then she asked about _basketball,_ and I have no idea how to compare the two," She stopped talking as Harry got a gleam in his eye. Hermione told me that he was a Quidditch player, the Seeker I think, but I didn't realize he was a fan.

"It's sort of like basketball, yeah, but you obviously aren't dribbling, and you are on a broom." Harry looked thrilled that he was discussing Quidditch.

"Oh. Right." Hermione said, almost to herself, and I laughed at her, then gasped as almost every boy in the house either Apparated or came in.

"Did we hear a Quidditch discussion?" One of the twins asked innocently, and Hermione smacked her forehead, and muttered something that sounded like 'here we go.'

"You did…but I don't know all the rules yet, so you can't just go blithering on about brooms and… and stuff." I failed to think of another Quidditch related topic, and it made Ron howl with laughter.

"Ok, so there are four positions in Quidditch, Keepers, Beaters, Chasers and Seekers. Each name is similar to what they do. Keepers guard the hoops that you score through, Beaters hit balls around," Charlie had started until Fred and George howled with laughter, adding to Ron's.

"Hitting _balls_ around?" one of the twins choked finally, and Charlie rolled his eyes and continued explaining thoroughly to me the rules of Quidditch, and how much of a phenomenon it is, and the best and worst teams, which sparked another whole debate. After dinner that was forced on me by Mrs. Weasley, I begged and bothered Madam Pompfrey until she agreed to let Hermione take me up a few flights of stairs.

After painfully climbing out of bed and stretching out, Hermione took my arm and led me slowly but carefully out of the room. It wasn't that my legs were weak or unsure, but they _hurt _with every step. But I wasn't about to stop; I climbed all the staircases in the house, until we were on the top floor, and we stopped to talk with Kingsley, who was sitting calmly crosslegged in front of a door.

"You're up?" He asked, sounding surprised, and I just nodded and leaned against the banister. My thighs were burning from the effort, but I was happy. My curiosity had been spiked about the whole house, and I wanted to see every inch of it, if I was going to be living here now. I pushed away the thoughts of my parents, and what they must have found when they came home. "You should really go rest, the house isn't that interesting." He said in that deep calm voice, and I laughed.

"It's interesting to a Muggle." I reminded him, and he stood and cracked his neck, making me wince. I hated it when people did that. "And besides, it's not like this house is dangerous or anything." I said, then jumped when there was a loud bang from inside the room Kingsley had been sitting in front of, and he rolled his eyes, and motioned for us to back up. Hermione held my arm carefully, looking apprehensive as Kingsley opened the door and yelled; I saw a flash of red, and after Hermione shrieked and tore her arm from mine, Kingsley was thrown against the back banister. His wand rolled off the landing, and after a long moment, it clattered to the floor some four stories below, and the pale boy from my kitchen stepped out of the room, a long thin shank-like knife in his hand, and I put two and two together. He must have stabbed Kingsley.

Reflexively, I jumped, twisted, and kicked the knife right out of his hand, then followed through and kicked that _asshole_ right in the side of his face, making _him_ stagger into the banister. The pain and stiffness came roaring back in my legs, making my face twist as I unwillingly bent in on myself with a gasp, gritting my teeth. I heard Hermione shriek again, and then a fist connected with my face, knocking me over. I heard him start to advance, so I spun on the floor, kicking his legs out and then brought an arm down across his stomach, and the sound it made sent satisfaction up my spine as the kid turned a nasty color. "Nobody move!" Tonks yelled suddenly, and I froze, even though I was lying right next to the kid, within striking distance; but I think that he had learned his lesson, judging by his face. "Stand up, Malfoy." She sounded incredibly dangerous, and after a painful moment, he staggered to his feet. Tonks prodded him back into the room and slammed the door, locking it as I heard feet on the stairs, then a crack of a wizard Apparating.

"Merlin's beard, what happened?" Lupin sounded pissed off as I sat up, no longer afraid of Tonks cursing me and felt the sore and now bleeding side of my face as I stood to see Tonks handing Hermione her wand and going over to Kingsley as more feet started up the stairs.

"There was a noise in the room, so Kingsley opened the door to stop him from whatever he was doing, and he had some sort of knife. He stabbed Kingsley and then…" She glanced at me, and I shrugged, wiping blood off my cheek, trying not to grimace.

"I reacted, foolishly I might add. I did a double spinning kick and kicked the knife out of his hand, then kicked him in the face. It…hurt, so I stopped, and he punched me." I was about to stop there, but Hermione shot me a look, so I continued with a frown. "I heard him move, so I drop-kicked him then chopped his stomach." I said this flatly as Mrs. Weasley and Madam Pompfrey appeared behind everyone on the stairs. "But what I want to know," I added, feeling a sick hot swoop of anger smack me in the face, is what the hell is _he_," I pointed angrily at the door, ignoring the twang in my shoulder, "doing here?"

"Would you rather that we had just let him mosey on home?" Tonks snapped, but she was looking really pale. I felt bad for her for a second, but when I remembered how he did _nothing_ to stop Greyback, my temperature increased.

"Did you ever stop to think, 'Hmmm, the girl he attacked is _three floors down_, maybe we should let her fucking know?" I yelled, ignoring the photoframes on the walls that were gossiping on my use of language.

"We didn't want to bother you with it-" Tonks started defensively, but I ran her over, furious.

"_You didn't want to bother me with it? _You found it easy enough to give me the ultimatum you did, you were just _fine_ casually dropping by to say, 'Hey! You're a fucking werewolf now, sweetie!' You said I had no options—"

"Enough." Mr. Weasley said with surprising forcefulness, shouldering his way through people and coming to put two light hands on my shoulders, and didn't move them when I flinched. "You were given enough on your plate, we didn't tell you for that very reason. We want you to feel safe here because you are, and knowing that so early would have scared you." He said calmly, watching me with a piercing gaze I didn't know he was capable of. Guilt flashed through me as I remembered as if from a dream everything these people had done for me.

"I'm sorry, that was so wrong of me, to react with violence, and to yell at you all. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt." I wrapped one arm around my midsection and cupped my forehead with my other hand, trying to trace my reaction. Was I not normal after the change after all? Was I slowly going to lose myself to the monster within?

"Your reaction was perfect. That's what you'll have to do to protect yourself. Once you are feeling up to it, we'd love to see what you can do." Kingsley said after Madam Pompfrey healed the gash in his stomach as he stood up.

"…I can't. I'd need someone to fight against, and I won't attack anyone here. I would need a target." I said distractedly, not liking the idea at all. Yes, spies were fit and good fighters, but now that I had started seriously using my skills on other people, I suddenly didn't want to. I felt so close to losing who I was in this new world.

"You can use the ferret boy in there." Kingsley said casually, brushing dirt out of his pants.

"Sorry?" I asked in disbelief, sure I had heard him wrong.

"You can use the Malfoy boy. If you could attack him twice now, you can do it again." Kingsley said easily, taking his wand back and cracking his neck again.

"Absolutely not! All of my fights have been evenly matched and necessary, I can't just beat him up for you! He's your captive, not your-"

"You aren't in a position to negotiate. You work for the Order now, and an order is an order. When you're fit enough, you will show us what you can do on ferret boy so we can assign you a mission." Kingsley said, and suddenly, I didn't feel safe with him at all, as I glared at him, then stiffly pushed through the crowd of Aurors on the steps, passed the kids waiting a few steps down, then stalked back into my room. I was backed into a corner, and Hermione had been right, I had no options.


	8. Our Solemn Hour

Our Solemn Hour

_In my darkest hours_

_I could not foresee_

_That the tide could turn so fast to this degree_

_Can't believe my eyes_

_How can you be so blind?_

_Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside?_

……

Jenny

8/31/10

1:30 p.m.

As the days passed, my stiffness faded, and was replaced with the strength I was used to. I had become a lot quieter, trying not to break down or act to childish as I constantly mulled over my one and only option. It's not like I could just live here at the Order and use their recourses, and I definitely wasn't leaving. Hermione had quietly explained to me who Draco Malfoy was, and he was definitely a git, but not someone I wanted to beat up. I now loathed Kingsley, and was only irritated by Lupin. I knew that he was trying to get me to connect, trying to make me feel comfortable, but he hated himself for what he was, and his pity made me want to beat _him_ up, not Draco. "Jenny," Kingsley's voice made me tense, and I turned away from the magical window I had been blankly staring through to meet his gaze. "If you would come upstairs, please." And I knew exactly what he meant by that. I brushed past him without a word and climbed every step up to the final door on the fourth floor. The door was open, and as I walked inside, I wanted to walk back out. Four Aurors had Draco backed into a corner, wands out, leaving the rest of the attic clear.

Kingsley closed the door behind him, and leaned against the wall with everyone else. I ignored Hermione's gaze boring into me and crossed my arms. "Are you ready, Jenny?" Tonks asked, and I stonily met her gaze. She sighed, and one by one, the Aurors backed off, walked around me, and then went against the back wall. For a moment, Draco and I only watched each other. Madam Pompfrey had healed his face and stomach, and she was here today, but this was still sick. But what else could I do?

Malfoy was tall and lean, with piercing grey eyes, a constant smirk, and blond hair that looked like it had been slicked back, but was now hanging everywhere. "This is wrong." I said firmly.

"I gave you an order." Kingsley unflinchingly retorted, responding instantly, and I turned slightly to meet his gaze angrily. "Go on." He almost smirked, making my hands ball into fists.

"Fine, do you want me to beat him up, seriously beat him up, beat him until an inch of his life, or should I just kill him for you, Kingsley?" I snapped, and I saw Draco pale out of the corner of my eye.

"I told you to show us what you can do, that's all." He raised an eyebrow, challenging me, and I felt sick as I turned stiffly back around, and then took two steps forward, then five, until I was right in front of Draco, who surprisingly held his ground. Then, I picked him up around the waist and body slammed him onto the ground, locking away any emotion I had left, swearing to never let it out again. I let Draco get back up, brush himself off, catch his breath. To my surprise, he had the same determination in his eyes as I, and he went to deck me in the same spot, so I grabbed his wrist, jerked his arm around, and threatened to pop his arm out of it's socket until he gasped. Then I let go, spun and jumped, kicked him in the back, then did a back handspring and wrapped one arm around him, forcing him back into the middle of the room then in one jump, kicked him once in the nose, once in the chin, then whirled sideways and kicked him right in the side of the head.

"Good enough for you, Kingsley? Or does he have to be bleeding?" I said bitterly as Malfoy lay gasping on the floor, and the other side of the room was silent, until Mrs. Weasley of all people spoke.

"I think that is quite enough." She said it harshly, and glared at Kingsley, who was wearing a superior smile.

"I think he can take a bit more." As soon as he said it, I barely held myself back from attacking him and glared fiercely at him.

"Why don't you give it a try, Kingsley, and you see how it feels?" I snapped, then drop-kicked Malfoy as he tried to get up and rose to my full height, which was pretty tall when I wanted to be, and strode over. "You're sick Kingsley, and if I didn't have to work for you, I would cause you more pain than you could imagine." I hissed, until Lupin threw out his arm to stop me from getting in Kingsley's face.

"You would threaten a wizard…interesting." Kingsley almost snickered, making my blood boil.

"I would do more than threaten one like you." I promised him, then turned away from Lupin and started for the door.

"Oh…by the way… I wasn't sure if you were keeping track, but it's a full moon tonight. You'll be leaving with Lupin." Kingsley almost jeered, making me stop, stiffening. It had completely slipped my mind, and fear started to replace the anger. What would happen to me tonight? "Oh, and for disobeying a direct order, you can transform tonight without the Wolfsbane Potion." Kingsley added, and Lupin started to speak up, but when he stopped, and I assumed Kingsley had given him a look. What would it feel like, losing who I was, turning into a wolf in the moons light? "Hopefully, this will keep you from disobeying me again." Kingsley said; a veiled threat under his words.

"You're willing to risk me attacking Lupin for your own gain?" I said it softly, and I could almost feel his triumphant grin boring into my back as my shoulders slumped.

"Lupin can take care of himself. Welcome to the Order. We're grateful to have you." He said, and he walked smoothly past me and out the door.

"That was barbaric, absolutely cruel." Tonks spluttered sounding indignant.

"That wasn't because I'm a werewolf, or because I disobeyed him, although it certainly helped. It's because I'm a filthy dirty Muggle to him, that's it." I said it softly again, staring at one spot in the wall, memorizing the grain of the wood.

"Don't ever say that." Mr. Weasley said almost fiercely, and I forgot that he found Muggles like me fascinating. I laughed softly but bitterly and turned around to meet everyone's eyes, locking the emotion down for good.

"I can't deny what isn't true, Mr. Weasley. I'm the stupid Muggle girl who can't use magic, but is stuck in a world full of it." Mr. Weasley went to reply, looking almost hurt, but Lupin raised an arm.

"I think I'd like a moment with her, alone, if you all wouldn't mind." He said this calmly enough, and everyone except Malfoy silently trooped out. "You can't let who you are hold you back. I've already made that mistake. If you want to be able to stand up to Kingsley, if you want to be seen as an equal in his eyes, you need to stay strong. What did Hermione say to you, when she was quoting you? 'Pain is not my enemy, because I cannot define it. Therefore, it does not define me.'" Lupin quoted, and anger spiked in my veins. I had learned that from my father, who I would never see again.

"That's none of your goddamn business, Lupin. If you haven't done what you just told me to do, why the hell should I do it? I'm not going to change who I am to fit in here, no matter how much it hurts. I only hope that I don't hurt you tonight." I ended bitterly, and Lupin's look turned stony.

"I'm not giving you advice here. What happened to you is tragic, but—"

"Get out." I snarled as the pity came back. I had seen enough of it. Lupin looked surprised, but didn't move. "_Get out!!"_ I screamed at him. "_I don't need your fucking pity!" _Lupin looked sad, and the pity was still there as he walked past me.

"Be downstairs in an hour, and we'll leave." He said this like I hadn't just screamed at him, and as he left, I kicked the door shut so hard, cracks appeared in the plaster as I pressed my head to the door, hands flat on the door, emotion coursing through me as silence descended in the attic. I was dimly aware that I was trembling slightly, and I could hear Draco moving, but I could care less what he did.

I curled up in a ball, head down, hugging my knees to my chest, leaning my back against the door and tried not to cry and scream; tried not to have a breakdown. I wouldn't sob over this. I wouldn't shed a single damn tear. Even Lupin knew that what Kingsley was doing was wrong, _everyone_ knew it. I wasn't going to change for one man. "I'm sorry," Draco's smooth voice suddenly filled the silence, and it took me a moment to actually register that he had said something. I slowly looked up. He was in the far opposite corner, lightly rubbing the side of this face where a bruise was forming.

"As much as that makes my situation so much better…" I smacked my forehead onto my knees, then sighed. "But I am sorry for what I did to you. Kingsley is such a…" I struggled for words to accurately describe him and failed.

"As much as that makes my situation so much better…" Malfoy quoted humorlessly. I snorted.

"Yes, because your life is so difficult right now. As much as I would _love_ to stay here and get to know your life story, I need to go turn into a fucking werewolf now." I said bitterly, and stood up, then stalked outside, past a depressed looking Tonks, and started down the stairs until I finally reached the ground floor. Lupin was waiting somberly in the front hallway, along with Hermione, Ron and Harry.

"Good luck," Hermione whispered, already starting to tremble as I silently put on my boots. I crossed the hall and gave her a brief hug.

"See you three in the morning." I said, and it came out more chillingly and lifeless than I had thought it would. Hermione fanned her eyes, then handed me a bag that had a change of clothes and then an old jacket with a high collar that would cover my bites. "Hermione," I started as she continued to tremble, "it never was your fault." I meant to be reassuring, but again, it was lifeless. Feeling cowardly, I slipped into the jacket and picked up the bag and silently followed Lupin down the hallway and out the door.


	9. Frozen

Frozen

_I can't feel my senses_

_I just feel the cold_

_All colours seem to fade away_

_I can't reach my soul_

……

Jenny

8/31/10

6:05 p.m.

Almost as soon as we stepped outside the door, Lupin had gently took my arm and Apparated to a clearing in a forest. It was already dark outside, but I could see clouds that were shining with the moon behind them. "Jenny, I'm going to Apparate to another spot in these woods. I'll see you in the morning." His face was full of that _pity_ again as my perfect façade of lifelessness didn't fade. Once he was gone, I put my bag against a log and sank down in the middle of the clearing, hugging myself. For once, I was alone, but now I was scared to be alone. What would transforming feel like? How would I transform?

For awhile, I watched the clouds get thinner and thinner, until I couldn't watch them anymore. Despite my best efforts, I started to silently cry as the clouds finally broke, and the dangerous light of the moon hit my skin. Instantly, tiny ice cold needles pressed into every inch of my skin. It felt like I was zoning out as the ground suddenly got huge, like it had been magnified. My clothing shredded, my boots fell away.

……

The forest was teeming with life. Wild rabbits and birds shuffled almost silently as they settled down for the night. A stream flowed noisily, and the forest seemed to twitch and tremble, twigs cracking and leaves swishing. Standing up and sniffing the ground, I moved into the forest, silently moving across the forest floor. The moon was shining brightly through the trees. It made my fur stand up, it's coldness made my body tingle with energy. Sitting on my haunches, I howled up to the moon for at least half and hour, in pleasure, in desire. The light on my fur was the best feeling, it made my senses sharpen, my energy double. Howling to the moon again and again, I wandered through the forest, listening and investigating. I sniffed heavily in all kinds of thorny and bramble-y bushes, moved rocks with my nose, and ran as fast as I could in the enchanting moonlight, branches whipping at my legs. The darkness kept me covered, but the moonlight made me happy. I found my way back to the clearing, and the sheer amount of the light in one space made me howl in pure happiness and bound through the woods, trees rushing by. My feet padded almost silently on the ground, the wind whipped and chilled the skin under my thick fur. Eventually, sleep nagged at me, so I curled up under a tree, swishing my tail over my nose to keep my face warm.

……

_Something_ was poking me, all over. It felt like pine needles. Sun was warming my back, which felt taut. Harsh bark was rough against my skin. _Skin?_ I had been having the most fantastic dream, where I was howling to the moon…I rolled over as fast I could and gasped, sitting up and then groaning with pain. I was stiffer than ever before, and _naked._ Last night's 'dream' came flying back to me, making me hold myself even tighter, relishing the feeling of skin, not fur. Glancing around, I felt my fear increase. Where the _hell _was I? With a groan, I slowly got to my feet, then started to follow my huge wolf tracks back through the forest and found ones much larger and realized Lupin must have been following me, carefully of course, but he had still been putting himself in harms way. More harsh guilt shot through me as I limped and hobbled over fallen trees, roots and forest plants, following my own tracks, occasionally picking leaves and dirt out of my hair, which had lost it's ponytail in the transformation.

Thinking about it made me shiver. The feeling of a million needles that were colder than cold hitting every nerve, every cell…I shook my head to clear it and kept walking, getting more and more panicked when I still wasn't coming up on the clearing. How far had I gone?? Along the way, I examined my body and was dismayed to find long scratches and short ones, deep and shallow, along with bruises and scrapes of various sizes, along with lots and lots of dirt. Thinking back on it, I was pretty sure that I had rolled 'happily' on the ground in the moonlight.

Finally, I stumbled upon the clearing after following my tracks in circles, cursing my stiffness, my long and winding path, and Greyback under my breath several times. But I was _so_ thankful for clothes, although it hurt so much to get them on. At the bottom was a tiny mirror, and I thanked Hermione several times in my head as I pulled it out and gasped when I saw myself. My usually sleek and shiny blond hair was limp, ragged and dirty, with leaves and twigs sticking out of it. My face was covered in dirt, some bruises, but there an impressive and jagged scratch that started on my left forehead, crossed and eyebrow and the bridge of my nose, then all the way down my right cheek that took first prize. I also had collected a harsh and deep scrape on my jawline. Dried blood from the various other scrapes and cuts was all over me. Out of habit, I studied one of the four bites, the one on my neck. It seemed more prominent today, or maybe that was just me. I hastily tucked away the mirror and staggered around the clearing, cursing when I had to bend over to pick up clothing and finally, my boots, which weren't shredded to badly at all.

Who the fuck was I kidding. My boots were torn to bits, as were the jacket and shirt I had gotten. My pants were gone for, totally destroyed. I had lost a whole night of my life, had gotten lost to the monster within…tears pricked in my eyes and I buried my face in my hands. I had loved being a wolf when I was a wolf, but now I was scared shitless. I had been alone that time. What if I ran into people, or Lupin? Another animal? I already knew what I would do, I would get aggressive, I would _kill._

"Jenny?" I heard Lupin call tiredly, and he stepped into the clearing as I turned quickly and winced as my hip made a popping noise. Lupin looked like he had just woken up, and looked as stiff as I was, but he wasn't covered in dirt, scratches and scrapes like I was. "Good lord," He said quietly, coming over and gently tipping my head to examine the long scratch down my face.

Suddenly, I burst into tears. Lupin had only been trying to help me all along, and if I had just been willing to listen, to compromise, last night wouldn't have been so scary. I would have had the Wolfsbane Potion, I would have kept my head. Lupin immediately wrapped his arms around me as I cried silently into his jacket. My voice was totally gone from howling so much, and salt from my tears burned in my scratches, remoisturizing dried blood. "It's alright, Jenny. It won't be so bad the next time." Lupin said earnestly, pulling back and gently wiping tears off my face.

"It was a nightmare," My voice cracked and sometimes didn't even project sound it was so worn. Lupin sighed and gave me another hug.

"Kingsley was wrong for _making_ you change the first time without help. If we had a plethora of Wolfsbane Potions, I would have taken one for you. Now, how about we go back to Grimmauld Place, and get some tea and a shower for you?" He asked, and I nodded meekly.

"Lupin…I'm sorry for what I said to you yesterday." My voice gave out, but Lupin understood and smiled sadly.

"It's alright, Jenny. You didn't know what it's like. Now you do." He took my arm again, and we materialized on the front step of Grimmauld Place. He opened the door for me and I limped inside. Lupin stiffly walked inside and shut the door quietly. He walked in a stiff legged fashion to the kitchen, and I limped after him. Mr. Weasley was reading the Wizarding newspaper, looking grim, and the rest of the house was pretty quiet. "Morning, Arthur." Lupin said tiredly, and Mr. Weasley lowered his newspaper and gasped.

"Merlin's beard," He stood up and hastily folded his newspaper as I watched Lupin make the viciously orange tea. "I'll call Madam Pompfrey; that is a nasty scratch, Jenny." He said quickly, and left. I sighed, and leaned against the counter and closed my eyes. I was exhausted and sore, each movement hurt.

"Toxic tea for you?" Lupin said humorlessly, but I chuckled anyway and opened my eyes, turned around, and accepted the goblet, the color seeming to burn into my eyelids.

"Aptly named," I spoke crackily, my voice getting higher and disappearing after my first word. Lupin chuckled, but his face was gloomy as he leaned against the counter next to me.

"Jenny?" I heard Hermione call and feet rushing down the stairs. Mr. Weasley must have passed her room to let her know that we were back. Hermione skidded into the kitchen and gasped, Ron and Harry catching up and stopping dead behind her. "Oh, _Jenny,"_ Hermione said tearfully, and I set down my mug almost robotically as she came flying over and hugged me. I slowly wrapped my arms around her shaking back, the soreness shooting pain down my nerves.

"She's fine Hermione, just very tired and sore." Lupin said quietly from next to me, and Hermione instantly let go and traced the scratch on my face in midair, tears shining in her eyes.

"There are more injuries in this place then at Hogwarts," I heard Madam Pompfrey say grumpily on the stairs as she started to come down.

"He's right, Hermione." I said, and her face twisted at the sound of my voice. It reminded me of the time as a kid when I had gotten sick and coughed until my voice disappeared; and when I tried to talk, it would get high and rough or would vanish all together.

"Gracious, child!" Madam Pompfrey scurried across the kitchen as I looked up to the sound of her voice. "You've certainly outdone yourself, haven't you? Goodness me, I'm sure you are scratched and bruised all over. Come along, we'll get you to a room for a shower and some sleep. Then I'll heal you the best I can."


	10. Fix Me

Fix Me

_Someday_

_They'll take away the part that hurts _

_And let the rest remain _

_Fix me_

Jenny

9/1/10

10:26 a.m.

I slowly and painfully climbed the stairs after Madam Pompfrey, and I nearly cried with relief when we reached a bathroom. I set down my mug of the poison concoction and held as still as I could almost completely naked as Madam Pompfrey healed bruises scrapes and cuts for almost ten minutes. Finally, she came around to do my face. The one on my jawline and the other scrapes and scratches weren't that hard for her, but the long scratch on my face gave her a new challenge. She spent two minutes slowly trailing her wand over the cut, and the feeling of the skin mending stung and smarted. "All done, dear." Madam Pompfrey pointed sternly to my drink, then swept out. I heard a shower start upstairs when she left; Lupin must be cleaning up too.

The warm water at first made my back hurt, but when the pounding water numbed it, I relished the warmth. The water was brown for the first minute as I viciously scrubbed off all the dirt on my body, then shaved. When I stepped out of the shower, I saw that all the clothes that I thought had been destroyed were mended and clean. Wondering how I ever survived without magic, even if I couldn't use it myself, I stepped into my clothing, and quickly chugged the tea, pulling a face as the aftertaste slowly faded. Once in the spare room that had become mine, I folded the jacket and put it in the tiny chest of drawers. "I see you survived." Kingsley said coolly from the doorway, but I finished folding the towel and placing it on the desk before I turned around. "But I'm sorry I missed you before hand, Arthur said you looked a fright."

"I managed to come back, just for you," I said dryly, but he raised his eyebrows at my voice.

"Howling at the moon much?" He asked, then chortled, making hot anger seep into me. If he only could know what it was like, especially for someone who hadn't been around magic for as long.

"That is what werewolves do, Kingsley." I said just as passively as before, and his face turned uglier, if that was possible.

"Well, maybe that experience will keep you from disobeying me again." He turned to go, and I almost kept in my retort, but I couldn't help but want to have the last word. If I wasn't so damn sore, I would smash him to a pulp.

"It wasn't as bad as you would think. I want to thank you actually, for helping me get over my fear. In fact," I added, thinking quickly ahead for Lupin, "I probably won't need the Wolfsbane Potion unless you insist." Kingsley looked at me a moment, trying to figure me out, but I looked at him with the same lifeless gaze he would get from now on.

"I'm glad to hear it. It looks like you know your place. Now that you've gotten your little monthly dilemma out of the way, we can assign you a mission." He smirked at me as he left, and only when he was gone did I punch the bed, silently cursing the day he was born. Yes, losing my mind frightened me to a point where I wanted to kill Greyback all over again, but I owed it to Lupin to have the luxury of the Wolfsbane Potion all to himself. "Oh, and by the way," Kingsley popped his head around the door. "The Ferret Boy upstairs would like a word with you." He left as my face turned confused. What the hell did he want?

Despite my stiffness, I was curious. I climbed the stairs slowly until I reached the top floor, where Tonks was, looking sad but brightened when she saw me. "How was it?" She asked casually, like we were talking about a concert.

"Different," I said carefully, and she sighed, obviously reacting to my voice.

"I already heard from Arthur how awful you looked, you don't have to lie." She said, and I sighed too.

"To be honest, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I lied to Kingsley and told him that it wasn't bad at all, so all the Wolfsbane Potions can go to Lupin." I said this in the same casual tone she had used before, but she looked horrified.

"_Why?_ Why would you do that?" She hissed, stepping closer. "Kingsley is experienced and good at what he does, but he's got an evil, twisted heart. He'll try to use this against, you, you mark my words."

"I did it for exactly that reason, but more importantly, it will keep Lupin sane. He's smart, he'll give me space when I'm dangerous, and help me when I'm not. He deserves the potion." I said firmly, my voice dropping to a whisper and it cracked. Tonks looked at me, then started to smile.

"I would swear that you were an Auror if you weren't a Muggle. _Thank you._" She surprised me with a hug, and that's when I remembered that Tonks and Lupin were sort of…together.

"He'll be furious when he finds out though." I added thoughtfully, and Tonks shrugged. "Sorry to leave you all by your lonesome, but I've heard he wants a word." I looked pointedly at the door, and Tonks suddenly beckoned me over to the banister, the farthest from the door.

"Sorry, he can here us from where we were. But he would not stop asking about you, he bugged Madam Pompfrey, Mrs. Weasley, anyone who came into his room." Tonks whispered conspiratorially and looked at the innocent looking door. I frowned, but nodded to Tonks, and she let me in. Draco immediately looked up and stared at me when it became immediately apparent that I wasn't Mrs. Weasley or Madam Pompfrey.

"You wanted a word?" I asked, and he stared at me with wider eyes at the sound of my voice. When he didn't say anything, I sighed and stretched, wincing. "Look, I'm sore and tired; all I want to do is sleep right now. I climbed all the way up these goddamn steps. If you've got something to say, say it."

"It's my fault." He spoke like the last time he had spoken, so quiet and smooth, it was hard to tell if he actually said anything. "I feel so sick; I wanted to die when I heard you changing." He pressed on as my expression turned stony as he mentioned the transformation. "The only reason I was there that night is because it was punishment for not following the Dark Lord's orders. I'm sorry," he said earnestly, and he sounded desperate, like he had been storing this for awhile.

"You sound a lot like me," I said flatly, making the connection between Kingsley's punishment and mine. Draco looked confused, like he had expected me to beat him up again.

"That's it?" He sounded almost disgusted.

"Yes, Draco, as much as your intimate story of your hard little life was so touching, that's all I can offer you." I turned to go, but his voice stopped me.

"What's your name?" He asked, and I turned around.

"And, _why_ would I tell that to you? So that when you get out you can go and give me up to your 'Dark Lord'? Sorry, Draco, but as much of a Muggle as I may be, I am smart."

"I didn't say you weren't, I honestly just want to be able to address you properly." He said earnestly again, standing up and slowly crossing the space between us. He stopped a few feet away from me, obviously being smart enough to keep his distance.

"How about 'Muggle'?" That seems to work well for most wizards, it should be just fine for you."

"Would you just try to work with me here?" He sounded frustrated.

"_Work with you?_" I asked, incredulous. "You really aren't in a position to negotiate here. I'll call you 'Dark Wizard', and you can call me a Muggle, and then it will be an honest way to address each other."

"But that's so degrading for you," Dark Wizard looked suddenly embarrassed at what he had said.

"Well, that is certainly out of character for you, Dark Wizard. Caring about Muggles? Shocking." I said sarcastically, turning to go.

"Will you come back?" He asked, sounding lonely and desperate, and I looked back at him over my shoulder. He looked furiously embarrassed again, so I decided to make him a deal.

"I'll come back after each mission, so you can try to get information off of me, Dark Wizard, because I know that's what you're after." I turned and left before he could say another word, and Tonks locked the door behind me. "He was seriously trying to get in my head; that was ridiculous." I yawned and nodded to Tonks who was still looking surprised at me, and I slowly made my way back down the stairs to my room, and gratefully crawled into bed to sleep.


	11. Lie Lie Lie

Lie Lie Lie

_Take my hand and lets end it all, _

_She broke her little bones_

_On the boulders below, _

_Take my hand and lets end it all_

Jenny

9/1/10

9 p.m.

When I woke up, it was dark outside, so I hurried downstairs as fast as my sore body would allow, unsure what to expect. I had missed something; the mood in the kitchen was full of tension. "Ah, Jenny," Kingsley greeted me crisply, as if we were good friends. "I trust you are well rested?" He asked, and a big red warning flag went off in my head.

"Well enough." I said flatly. I had made myself a promise; I was only going to address Kingsley with a flat, dry voice, and a lifeless expression. He wasn't worth much more. Kingsley seemed smug as he turned back to most of the adults in the kitchen. They all wore stony expressions.

"Excellent. You see, Jenny, we've run into a little roadblock. Harry, Ron and Hermione were left a mission from Dumbledore, and wanted to be on their way." He paused and I interrupted him.

"If this is about them, then why aren't they here?" I asked, and Kingsley shot me a venomous glare, but continued, even though all the adults in the back were suddenly swapping dark looks.

"Considering the fate of our world is at stake here, _we_ want to make sure that they are…on the right track, if you understand me." Kingsley emphasized the 'we', and when I realized what he wanted me to do, I crossed my arms, my elbow making a quiet popping noise, but I ignored it.

"You want me to spy on them." I said as chillingly as I was able. "You want me to spy on my friends and report back to you."

"Mind, this is just an idea. We haven't voted on this decision yet." Mrs. Weasley said firmly, and she and Kingsley eyed each other for a moment.

"If they'll be traveling with magic, and Apparating, I won't be able to follow them." I spoke flatly again, practicing my poker face.

"Well, we came up with two jobs for you. There's the one Kingsley suggested, and then we have another plan that would involve you posing as a Squib in the Ministry and being an assistant to Mr. Weasley. You're stealthy, so you could easily slip away and with a Disillusionment Charm from Mr. Weasley, or you could pretend to call in sick, but spend the whole day gathering intelligence." Tonks said.

"And I think it's a bad idea. You won't be able to find much at the Ministry; it will be too well protected! And they certainly won't hire a Squib!" Kingsley said angrily. "If we wanted information on what the Dark Lord was doing, we'd have to get someone recruited as a Death Eater!"

"Last time there was a double agent, it backfired, remember? Snape murdered Dumbledore for the Ferret Boy upstairs. And Jenny couldn't fill that position because she cannot carry a wand." Lupin said flatly from the corner.

"Well, she's got magic in her now, doesn't she? If she could perform magic convincingly enough to be a Death Eater, or any kind of witch, she could fit in much easier into magical situations." Tonks spoke up energetically.

"And where would she get a wand from, hmmm? It's not like Ollivander has them anymore, Gregorvitch is all the way in Germany, and there simply isn't another wand maker out there!" Kingsley was starting to get mad, I could see it. Tonks threw her wand at me, and I caught it out of reflex. It felt odd in my hand, like I was holding a dowel, but one that had been in a microwave. It was surprisingly warm.

"Try waving it around, a swish and a flick, that sort of thing," Tonks said encouragingly into the now deadly silent kitchen. Feeling rather foolish, I waved my hand around, making lots of twists and flicks with my wrist. After a moment, tiny blue sparks came out the end of the wand and Tonks cheered enough to make the moment a giant anti-climax. "Yes! See? If she can do it with my wand, one random wand out of the hundreds of thousands out there, _surely_ she could _try_ magic, as a backup plan to her job at the Ministry."

"But she would need her own wand to be registered as an employee." Mr. Weasley said quietly, and everyone deflated a little.

"What if we would place a Disillusionment Charm on her and just let her search the Ministry whenever we need more information? Arthur could take her through the Floo Network, and no one would suspect! She would report to his office at the end of the day, and she'd come home with him." Tonks said quickly before Kingsley could speak again.

"It certainly rules out her needing magic, which was our main concern. Let's give it a test, shall we?" Mr. Weasley stood up, came over, and after tossing Tonks her wand again, rapped me sharply on the head with his wand. A queer sensation sprung from that spot, like a cold slimy liquid was getting poured all over me. When I looked down, I had suddenly turned into a human chameleon, invisible. "Now go poke Lupin without any of us hearing you get there." Mr. Weasley said to the air, and I instantly backed way to the doorway of the kitchen, testing to see if I left a shadow. Happy to find that I didn't, I crept like a cat across the farthest wall from Lupin, then wormed under the table and through chairs as everyone besides Lupin moved around the room.

I hesitated, then climbed onto the table as Mrs. Weasley walked by. Suddenly, Kingsley whirled around and fired a spell across the room, making me lay flat to avoid it. "What did you do that for?" Lupin asked angrily from in front of the sink. "You could have Stunned her."

"I doubt it, we didn't hear her fall." Kingsley said snootily, and continued pacing meanly around the room. I braced myself and jumped high, flipping over everyone's heads to land silently in a squatting position next to Lupin, who didn't react to my landing. I poked his arm and he flinched.

"Nice going," he said to the air as I climbed like a crab over the sink to the other side and sat on the counter. "Now, where are you exactly?" He pulled his wand and felt carefully in the air until he brushed my shoulder, then rapped me on the head again. I felt sudden warmth as I returned into visibility.

"Well, I think that just about settles it. Tomorrow, you can go with Arthur to the Ministry. Just scout around, try a few things out. Based on our needs, we'll start sending you to investigate the Death Eater's at the Ministry." Tonks looked pleased. "Bring back anything you think is important that you can get away with taking. We'll Disillusion you with a bag on, so you can snag things." I just nodded. Kingsley snorted and left.

"But…where _are_ Harry, Hermione and Ron?" I asked after a moment of silence, stretching out my still sore muscles from the flip over everyone. Everyone sort of stiffened, looking at each other.

"We don't know. They disappeared this afternoon with a note saying that they were going on their mission from Dumbledore." Mrs. Weasley said flatly, then left the room, leaving me with my surprise, Lupin and Tonks. They spent a good hour or two reviewing and refreshing my information on important wizards and wizarding things I should know. Finally, Tonks told both Lupin and I to go to bed, saying that we looked 'terrible'. I gave them both a kind of shy smile and slipped out of the kitchen. After climbing the stairs and lying in my bed awhile, staring at the ceiling, my thoughts turned to Harry, Hermione and Ron.

Where were they? What were they doing? Where they safe?

Draco

9/2/10

3 a.m.

I was jerked out of my dreams again, lightly trembling. Every night I dreamed of the night she was changed. Every night it repeated itself in my head. I could remember it so well, even without seeing any of it…

_I bolted awake as a terrible wracking scream pierced the silence of the house, echoing up through the stairwell to the attic. For a second, I only stared at the ceiling, confused. I didn't know what it was, until I heard people getting up and moving down floors as the scream happened again. Even though she sounded like she was dying, the scream was female, and only one person in this house would be screaming. Every scream pierced my body like a knife, a constant reminder of what I had let happen._

"_What is happening to me?" I heard her scream, each word saturated with a level of pain I had never heard in my life. Of all the tortures I had ever heard the Dark Lord perform, these screams seemed to contain all that pain and more. Terrible guilt rose inside of me until I retched. _

_She was probably dying. No wizard could survive that kind of an attack, never mind a Muggle. I hadn't killed her directly, but that would have been better than this. I listened to her screams start to die, and I knew she must be as well. I knew I was only worth that as well. Why should I be able to stay here after all the things I had done, all the people I had let die?_

With a shiver, I got up and looked out the window at the grimy houses of London. In my attempt to escape, seeing her alive had given me such a shock, I didn't react when she did, kicking me so hard in the face, I fell into the banister. Then later, when I was in the attic, her words hurt me more than her punches…

"_Did you ever stop to think, 'Hmmm, the girl he attacked is three floors down, maybe we should let her fucking know?" I heard her shout._

"_We didn't want to bother you with it-" I heard someone mutter, but her furious voice cut them off._

"_You didn't want to bother me with it? You found it easy enough to give me the ultimatum you did, you were just fine casually dropping by to say, 'Hey! You're a fucking werewolf now, sweetie!' You said I had no options—" I had frozen just inside the door, stupidly realizing that she had survived, but became a werewolf. More guilt flashed through me, chilling me. I listened harder when she spoke again._

"_I'm sorry, that was so wrong of me, to react with violence, and to yell at you all. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt." _

"_Your reaction was perfect. That's what you'll have to do to protect yourself. Once you are feeling up to it, we'd love to see what you can do." Kingsley said, and I felt uncalled for hate suddenly appear in my chest for him. _

"…_I can't. I'd need someone to fight against, and I won't attack anyone here. I would need a target." She said distractedly, sounding slightly in pain, pain I had caused._

"_You can use the ferret boy in there." Kingsley said casually, making me freeze._

"_Sorry?" She asked in shock._

"_You can use the Malfoy boy. If you could attack him twice now, you can do it again." Kingsley said easily, and more hate sprung for him. _

"_Absolutely not! All of my fights have been evenly matched and necessary, I can't just beat him up for you! He's your captive, not your-"She was defending me? Since when did she care, care for the person responsible for her pain?_

"_You aren't in a position to negotiate. You work for the Order now, and an order is an order. When you're fit enough, you will show us what you can do on ferret boy so we can assign you a mission."_

Old hate for him rekindled slightly in my chest like a burning match. It increased as I remembered clearly the day when she beat me up…

"_This is wrong," She said firmly, her eyes cold. I stood there with as much poise as I could muster while my heart beat frantically in my chest._

"_I gave you an order." Kingsley unflinchingly retorted, responding instantly "Go on." He smirked, and her fists tightened with her anger._

"_Fine, do you want me to beat him up, seriously beat him up, beat him until an inch of his life, or should I just kill him for you, Kingsley?" She snapped, and I felt blood drain from my face._

"_I told you to show us what you can do, that's all." He raised an eyebrow, challenging her. She turned stiffly to face me and advanced slowly at first, then faster. I didn't dare move. Without warning, her hands were around my waist, and she picked me up and slammed me into the ground. She didn't move as she let me get back up, pain and determination in her eyes. I went weakly to hit her in the same spot, and she instantly grabbed my wrist, jerked my arm around, and threatened to pop my arm out of it's socket until I gasped from the strain. She let go, spun and jumped, and kicked me in the back. Suddenly she was flipping, and then one arm snaked around me and forced me to stumble back into the middle of the room. Then in one jump, she kicked me in the nose, on the cheek, and then whirled sideways and kicked me right in the side of the head._

_She threatened Kingsley, yelled at him, and tried to get in his face as I winced upon getting on my feet. My cheek was sore, my nose was tingling unpleasantly, and a headache was growing where she kicked me._

"_Oh…by the way… I wasn't sure if you were keeping track, but it's a full moon tonight. You'll be leaving with Lupin." Kingsley taunted, making her stop, stiffening. "Oh, and for disobeying a direct order, you can transform tonight without the Wolfsbane Potion." Kingsley added, and Lupin started to speak up, but when Kingsley glared viciously at him. "Hopefully, this will keep you from disobeying me again." Kingsley said; a veiled threat under his words. _

And then when I had seen her when she came back, looking stiff and waxen, it just added to my guilt. Her voice had topped it off; as cracked and hoarse as it was. It never occurred to me that I was thinking about her too much…


	12. Mirrors

This Chapter is dedicated to my reviewers, Emma () (who always reviews anonymously. Her constructive critisicm is the best I have ever gotten. Also, Pms, your reviews are super helpful, thank you!

Mirrors

_With every breath_

_And every intake_

_Tip-toe further away_

Jenny

9/2/10

6:27 a.m.

I got up early and went down to the kitchen. Mr. Weasley and his wife were already there, eating in silence, but brightened as I walked in almost silently and sat down. "Already practicing for today?" Mr. Weasley asked lightly, gesturing with his toast.

"Yes. I can't get caught." I stated the obvious, but with a quiet determination as I took a bite of toast. Mrs. Weasley looked at me for a moment, but I focused my gaze innocently on my plate. I knew she was worried. The Disillusionment Charm wouldn't make me 100% invisible, so I would have to move fast or stay stock still; increasing the danger. She silently handed me a light shoulder bag that I put on over my head and Mr. Weasley Disillusioned me. I followed him silently into the drawing room, where the fireplace was.

"Good luck, both of you." Mrs. Weasley said firmly as I stepped lightly onto Mr. Weasley's feet, awkwardly hugging him so that we would travel together. He reminded me of my father so much tears started to come to my eyes as he clearly said 'Ministry of Magic' and threw down the Floo Powder. I kept my eyes closed as we spun through fiery green inferno until it stopped. Hastily, I stepped off of his feet and backwards, then followed him closely, gazing around in surprise. The Magic Ministry was dark and obscure, with a huge towering black statue on it, featuring a ridiculously handsome wizard sitting calmly upon a huge mass of Muggles. I felt hate swell in me enormously as I followed Mr. Weasley, who only sighed lightly at the statue, then went over to one of the lifts. I silently rolled in before him, and scrunched deep into a corner as the lift began to fill, memorizing what was on each floor as it was announced.

Mr. Weasley got off of the lift at his office, but after a moment of hesitation, I stayed in the lift until it went to the first floor, where all the Death Eaters would work. I slipped off and stuck to the walls, moving swiftly. The hallway was thickly carpeted, lined with gleaming wooden doors, a brass plaque below stating whose office it was. Feeling lost and like I was doing something very stupid, I hesitated at the Minister of Magic's door. It seemed like an ideal location to start…but it would be incredibly and _extremely _risky. Lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear a man coming down the corridor until it was almost too late. His face made me back hastily away. Judging by Tonks description, it was the Minister himself. He walked into his office, and I slipped inside before the door closed without thinking until it was too late.

His office was lavishly furnished, and large. He went and strode over to his desk, and I followed, standing very still in front of it and looking at the papers on his desk. It was hard to read them upside down, especially when he was shuffling through them. He selected one and strode out, giving me some freedom. I sat cautiously in his chair and looked at the papers, unwilling to move any and risk someone seeing. A light blue paper caught my eye; at the bottom of the paper was the word Taboo. I slid it out from its fellows and scanned the page, holding it down so that if anyone walked in, they wouldn't be able to see it mysteriously floating in midair.

It was an official order to start a Taboo on the word _Voldemort._ Without another thought, I slipped into my 'invisible' bag, and it blended into the wall. I pulled open drawers, searched through pages and pages. The only other page that I could see that was useful was a list of Undesirables. Packing that swiftly away as well, I rose and stood patiently by the side of the door until the Minister came back, talking loudly with an imposing Death Eater. Prickling with sudden unease, I slipped out of his office and continued down the hallway, past people making pamphlets, and stopped dead in horror, looking at a doorway.

A beautiful blue _eye_ was stuck in the wood. It wasn't looking around, but its gaze was fixed down the hallway with an unfocused look. After a quick glance around, I opened the door just a crack and snuck inside. There were no exclamations from outside, so I assumed that no one saw. When I closed the door, a small telescope became apparent on the back of the door, and when I peeked through it, I could see the calm office outside. Whoever's office this was, they were spying on the employees. I turned and gasped. The room was a horrid shade of pink, with kittens everywhere.

Umbridge had to work here. Lupin's description had been incredibly accurate, even though he had never actually seen her office before. Despite its despicable appearance, I had unknowingly struck gold. Umbridge was sick, so she must have a high position in this Ministry. Carefully, I removed the telescope and with a shudder, took off the eye and put it in the bag. I couldn't stand the fact that someone's _eye_ was in the door. After a moment to compose myself, I darted over to her desk and rifled through papers, but couldn't find anything. Just as I was about to turn towards a filing cabinet, there was a loud _bang_ outside the door, and the door opened and closed with no one there: some one else was invisible and now in the office.

Suddenly, they became visible, and I cursed silently, backing around him and towards the door. The man was huge, over six feet tall, and was nothing but muscle, with curly black hair. He looked around, then pulled out his wand and said _"Accio Locket." _Thoroughly confused, I moved back into the room. He obviously couldn't see me, so I was going to see what he was looking at. He searched her desk more thoroughly than I had, and then turned towards the filing cabinet. I got as close as I dared, and peeked under his arm at the names on the many folders in her cabinet. Only when he did get to the last drawer did he pull out a file, and when he flipped it open, my blood chilled. It was Mr. Weasley's file. I scanned it and frowned. He was being tracked. "Undesirable No. 1." He muttered, putting the file back and looking around, then moving towards a poster I hadn't noticed before.

It was of Harry. I followed the man, anger rising, and read the note with him on the poster, which said '_to be punished.'_ The man looked furious, and I was confused. Who's side was he on, if he was searching Mr. Weasley's file but then getting angry over Harry's poster? Was he a double agent? Should I take him out? He proceeded to search vases and baskets, but found nothing. He was looking for a locket…what was it for? He stopped searching, dissatisfied, until he spotted something on the bookshelf and raced over to it, only to stop abruptly at a biography of Dumbledore. I watched, him, befuddled, when the door opened, making the man hastily conceal himself as the Minister paused in the doorway, looking confused. Hoping that he saw the man, I edged for the door, and just felt the other spy pass in front of me. Determined, I followed, watching the tiny impressions his shoes made in the carpet. He got on a lift, and I was fully determined to try to get him for some information when the doors opened and a soaking wet terrified looking man got in who looked like a weasel, and he stammered his greeting to the imposing man next to me.

"Ron, it's me, Harry!" The man said, and I gasped. Neither of them noticed, but it all suddenly made sense. Harry, Ron and Hermione had a special mission from Dumbledore. They had to get into the Ministry looking like other wizards to find…a _locket?_

"Harry, Ron, it's Jenny-" I started, making them jump when the doors opened and Mr. Weasley and a elderly witch got on. Mr. Weasley glared deeply at Harry, who was trying to cover up his surprise at my disembodied voice. Mr. Weasley and Ron talked about a raining office and as Ron and the woman got off, I blinked as another red-head that had to be related to Mr. Weasley got on. He flushed a serious red when he saw Mr. Weasley, however. Who the hell was he? The silence got more and more awkward until the man swiftly got off at the next stop, and Harry went to leave too, when Mr. Weasley blocked his way.

"One moment, Runcorn." He said coldly, but I stopped hard on his foot and lightly whispered,"_Don't!"_ He barely hid the look of shock on his face, apologized hastily, and then faced the front. As soon as he could, Mr. Weasley got off. After a moment, Harry spoke.

"Jenny?" He asked uncertainly.

"I'm Disillusioned, Harry. What are you doing here, everyone is after you!" I hissed, moving and gently touching his elbow, making him flinch.

"What word did she tell you to use if you needed help?" Harry pinned me against the wall in seconds, but I didn't punch him. Even if I wanted to, the man he was impersonating was huge, full of muscle.

"Pidgewedgon." I said calmly, and he let go.

"How did you get in here?" He asked, stepping out of the lift. I followed, letting my arm barely brush the huge knuckles he currently possessed to let him know I was there.

"Floo Powder." I breathed as he turned to go down a flight of steps. "What are you looking for, a locket? I was in her office too." I explained hastily and shivered. It was getting colder. Harry opened his mouth to answer, but stopped on the stairs.

"Go back. There are Dementors down this hallway." He said quietly, and when he thought I was gone, he continued down the steps. Steeling my guts, I followed, trying ignoring the overwhelming feeling of dread and despair. The cold was freezing every happy memory, every good feeling. Passing the Dementors was terrifying. They were breathing cold, rattling breaths as they paced around poor people sitting on benches. A door opened, and a man came out, screaming something about a broom maker. I didn't care what was in there, I needed to get away from the Dementors, they were driving me crazy. I dived and slipped inside the room.


	13. Now Or Never

Now or Never

_And it's no one's fault_

_There's no black and white_

_Only you and me_

_On this endless night_

_And as the hours run away_

_With another life_

_Oh, darling can't you see_

_It's now or never_

_It's now or never_

Jenny

9/2/10

10:26 a.m.

I instantly got the feeling of being in a deep depressing well. I realized that I had gone right into a courtroom. Two Dementors brought in a poor, tiny woman. Her face was completely bloodless, and mine felt about the same as the Dementors in the room stood motionless, like dangerous Grim Reapers. Looking up, I saw three people behind a balustrade. One was an enormously fat woman, she looked like a sick, twisted toad. Beside her was a truly evil looking man, with his face in a constant scowl. Third, a elderly witch with wispy hair looked like she was about to faint. I suddenly had my suspicions that the witch was Hermione. If Harry and Ron were here, and Harry came down this way…it only made sense.

The fat woman was oozing infuriating injustice as she started to haggle this poor woman who I realized must be a Muggle Born. Only when the woman who I finally recognized as Umbridge leaned forward did my brain, slightly numbed from the Dementors, suddenly snap to life. A shiny tiny locket fell from her bosom to dangle into space, and the wispy witch stiffened. That had to be Hermione. I jumped when Umbridge was suddenly Stunned, the man following. As soon as Umbridge was Stunned, the Dementors started to glide back in to the center, where I was standing stupidly besides the poor woman. It felt like my blood was turning to ice as they swept closer. Unhappy memories raced through my head when the Dementors realized there were two beings in the middle of the floor.

_Greyback suddenly advanced, and his teeth sinking into my shoulder sent ice cold needles in me, making me shudder and gasp. His teeth were numbing the bite site, but the deep dark coldness from the bite was trying to freeze over my brain. No matter how hard I fought back, its icy cold grasp was painfully tight, restraining. His teeth came out, nicking the edges with new coldness until the shocking cold erupted in my side, and the two cold beings combined, pushing with incredible pressure and force on my brain, trying to kill it, take it over…_

_My frantic search across the counter for a weapon of any kind to get Greyback off of me felt like a race for life. I wanted to scream and cry, it felt like I would never get there, like it was useless. My hand was trembling on the counter, and everything I touched that wasn't a weapon seemed to speed up the coldness. The feeling like I was going to die was overwhelming-_

It was suddenly gone. The dungeon-like courtroom was warm and filled with light from a beautiful and huge stag, and I dimly recognized that it was a Patronus. Chains clinked as Hermione and Harry, with their locket, helped the poor woman up. I blinked, when I realized that I had curled into a defensive little ball on the floor. I stood up quickly and followed them out, lightly brushing against Harry as we started away from the courtroom door, and he swore, making Hermione and the Muggle Borns he was essentially saving look confused. "Jenny! How the hell did you get down here?" He hissed.

"_What?" _Hermione gasped, but Harry didn't answer her. He was glaring around, and I remembered how sensitive he was about Dementors. No wonder he didn't want me down here. Oops.

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that you need to find-"

"Reg!" The woman from the courtroom screamed, and threw herself into Ron's arms as he stumbled down the steps. He quickly got her off and addressed Harry.

"We need to leave, the Ministry knows intruders are here, something about a hole in Umbridge's door-"

"Shit," I breathed, the eye in my bag seemed like it was burning, a mark of pure shame. I was trying to help my friends, and I was only getting them in trouble. Ron and Hermione had jumped at the sound of my voice. Shaking it off, I pulled on Harry's sleeve, and when the part I was pinching disappeared, Hermione gasped. "You need to move, move, _move._" I insisted, and with a slight push, they started off again.

"H-how?" Hermione spluttered finally as the crowd of people crowded into lifts. I stood beside her and put a hand gently on her shoulder. "Oh, Disillusionment Charm. Oh, _Jenny_, I'm sorry we had to leave so suddenly without saying goodbye, but it was the only way, I swear. How are you?" She said this all very fast. Wondering how she knew the Charm I was under, I replied:

"Hermione, take deep breaths, I'm fine. I'm actually on a mission I'm so well. But my new mission is to make sure you three get out of here, and that you _don't come back._ It's dangerous enough that I'm here, for you it's even worse." I said firmly, and as the lift doors opened, I realized that what I had just said might be impossible. Wizards were dashing through the Atrium, sealing exits.

"STOP!" Harry thundered, his new voice almost magnified, echoing through the hall. All the wizards stopped, but I darted forward anyway, pulling up off to the side, ready to take the wizards out as the unwisely converged together as Harry stalked forward, using Runcorn's intimidating frame to his advantage. Harry blustered against the main wizard that stepped forward…and then…the _real_ Reg stepped out of a lift, running towards his wife. The wizard next to me looked like he was dawning on some kind of comprehension as Ron swore loudly. The real Reg looked incredibly confused.

"Seal the exit! SEAL IT!" The man from the courtroom burst out of a lift. I saw the balding wizard who had been sealing exits raise his wand, aiming for Harry. Instantly, I jumped and spun, kicking the wand out of his hand, then rolling through his confused legs and chopping the back of his neck, making him drop. Harry, Ron and Hermione dashed for the open fireplaces, Muggle Borns following as the man from the courtroom raised his wand, his brutish face full of determination, he knew what was happening. He lifted his wand, about to cast a spell to kill my friends. I seized the man's wand from the ground and threw it like a sword, then chasing after it to make sure this man never cast a spell at them again. It hit his forehead with a dull thud, splitting, and he fell to his knees, looking desperately confused. "What? What?" He repeated, sounding struck dumb. Looking down, I noticed that it looked like I was starting to not be so invisible. Wavy pieces of my shirt were starting to lightly color the air, streaking it.

Cursing silently, I moved swiftly over and took his hair, then brought his head down as I brought my knee up. The crunch that followed was far too satisfying as I dashed out of the Atrium and into a lift. Luckily, everyone's attention was now on the bleeding man I had just inflicted heavy pain on, and the lift taking off with no one in it was not noticed. I dashed down the hallway to Mr. Weasley's office to find him nervously staring at a file, his eyes not really reading the page. I shut the door and he leapt up, throwing down his file. "Mr. Weasley," I gasped, panting from my mad dash for safety, in case I had been followed. "Our trio was here in the Ministry, I just helped them get out." I spoke in code, just in case, and Mr. Weasley slowly sat down again, looking shocked. Then he put his forehead in his hand, thinking. "But I picked up the things you wanted," I spoke in code again, and quieter this time. "And you are being followed, tracked, by the Ministry. You can't come in to work from our 'home' anymore." I said even more quietly, and Mr. Weasley sighed, lifting his head as I sat lightly on the edge of his desk.

"We're nowhere near being done with the work day, but going home now would be suspicious. I don't want you picking up anymore of my things, I want you to stay here, alright?" He almost whispered, picking up his file again.

"You should renew your charm. I'm starting to waver." I said, and it was true. It seemed like my fighting and furious dash from the Atrium to his office had made the charm start to become wavier. As Mr. Weasley picked up his wand, I heard footsteps coming. Instantly, I jumped, landing in his lap, making him start, but then rolled down his legs in a little ball, against his shins, under the desk. Two pairs of feet stepped into Mr. Weasley's office…


	14. The Other Side

The Other Side

_The ghosts are crawling on our skin _

_We may race and we may run _

_We'll not undo what has been done _

_Or change the moment when it's gone_

Jenny

9/2/10

1:45 p.m.

"Mr. Arthur Weasley…" Umbridge's voices rang out in a lofty, infuriating tone, making me tense then bite my lip as the sore muscles in my legs started to cramp.

"How may I be of service?" Mr. Weasley said calmly, setting down his file, and backing up slightly, giving me slight room to stretch out, hardly daring to breathe. I heard a deep snort, but Umbridge continued as if she hadn't heard it.

"Mr. Weasley, were you unaware that the Ministry had intruders?" She asked, and the question was loaded with almost a triple meaning. There was a threat, the actual question, and the question asking if he had known before hand that there was a breach.

"I was aware, but seeing as the matter did not concern me, I kept working." Mr. Weasley said flatly. His tone reminded me on how I currently addressed Kingsley. Umbridge laughed, and it sent hair up on the back of my arms. It was far too girly.

"Not concern you? Mr. Weasley, if there was a breach in the Ministry, you could have been put at risk! Are you afraid of this happening?" She switched topics so fast, it made me blink, and I wasn't the one being addressed. She knew how to play people. It made me hate her even more, if that was possible. I had seen the scars on Harry's hand.

"No." Mr. Weasley said just as lifelessly. "If there was to be an attack on employees, I doubt that it would happen on this floor. Now, Dolores, if you weren't aware, I am a very busy man. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Tension raced through the air in a moment of frosty silence.

"Mr. Weasley, it is no secret that Undesirable No. 1 is very close to you. If you helped him get into the Ministry today, no one close to you will be safe." A deep voice that I recognized as the real Runcorn sent more chills up my spine. "You have been warned. Actions like that will not be tolerated again, Mr. Weasley." He continued, and I heard the footsteps die away and leave, but I still didn't move, not even when Mr. Weasley continued working like nothing had happened, in case we were being watched yet. When Mr. Weasley dropped a piece of paper, I waited a minute before inching forward slightly to read it.

_Come out slowly, and poke me. I'll Disillusion you again._

Almost at a snails pace, I inched out to right beside his chair, and poked his knee. He lifted his wand lightly at his side, and I put my head under it. Feeling that I was there, he rapped me on the head sharply, and the coldness returned, and the wave lengths of me in the background vanished. My knee ached as I curled up behind his desk in front of a drawer, trying to calm my beating heart. Smashing in Yaxley's jaw had been worth it, 100%, even though I was starting to get achy and sore from the full moon. I had lied to Kingsley and the Order, I was still tired and sore from my moonlit excursion. I had yet to tell Lupin about the potion thing too.

As the minutes passed, I thought about Hermione. They got their locket thing, but why would they need that to bring down Voldemort? Why was it at the Ministry? Was she and Harry and Ron safe now? More questions raced silently through my head as Mr. Weasley continued to work calmly, despite the serious threat he had just received. At four o'clock, he stacked all his files and put them away, then took his coat off the back of his chair and stretched. I got up and did the same, stiffer than ever. His office was freezing, and my joints had become stiff and slow. I trailed him out the door, and instead of using fireplaces, which were still sealed, he joined the throng waiting to get out through other exits to Apparate, I lightly pinched his jacket tail the whole time, so that we wouldn't get separated. After a tense ten minutes, we got outside, and I wrapped both of my arms securely around one of his as he stood calmly, putting on his hat in the rain. He Apparated without warning.

The feeling of the airless vacuum made me want to throw up as we appeared out in the middle of nowhere. I heaved for a moment, gasping. "Sorry, Jenny, I had to act normally. I would have warned you otherwise." He felt around in the air for a minute before he found my head as I trembled, hands on my knees, and with another sharp rap, the charm was lifted. I swam back into view for the first time all day. "Now, listen carefully. We are standing right outside the Burrow, in Ottery Saint Catchpole." He said this quietly, almost whispered it into my ear, and when I blinked, the whole building appeared. It was topsy turvy, and it looked like it was held up with magic. Chickens were just outside the fence, and there was another sagging building that I recognized as an old garage. I straightened, and followed Mr. Weasley unsteadily into the garden, and kicked away a chicken that tried to peck me. I tiptoed around many pairs of Wellington garden boots in front of the door to stand behind Mr. Weasley as he knocked.

"What did Fred do to Ron's teddybear when he broke his broomstick?" It was definitely Mrs. Weasley's voice who answered, unwavering and uncharacteristically cold.

"He turned it into a giant spider. And our blond friend is with me, ask another question." He said calmly, and there was a moment of silence.

"What color is the tea I made you?" She asked, and I winced as I remembered the violent orange color.

"The sickest orange you will ever see." I said, and the door opened, and Mrs. Weasley ushered us inside.

"Why didn't you go straight to the Order, Arthur? Jenny shouldn't be here, it's more dangerous for her!" Mrs. Weasley hissed quietly, flicking her wand at a pile of dishes, and they started to scrub themselves. Their house was amazing, cozy and small, but full of more wizarding things than I had seen in my life. The grandfather clock in the corner finished moving one of its 9 arms to 12 o' clock, which was titled home. The arm had Mr. Weasley's head on it.

"Too dangerous. I'm being tracked, Molly. If I keep strangely disappearing in London, the Death Eaters will start staying in front of the place 24/7. And because Ron, Hermione and Harry somehow infiltrated the Ministry today." He said tiredly, taking off his coat and hanging it up as Mrs. Weasley stood in shocked silence.

"_What?"_ She hissed, looking livid, and prodded both of us to the living room, and one of her more violent pokes nearly sent me into a pair of knitting needles crocheting all by themselves. I tried not to gaze around their living room in fascination at all the magic items inside.

"You'll have to wait for a meeting, Molly. You too, Jenny, _don't_ open that bag; leave it on you until we can leave. This is beyond just us now, Molly. I trust Ginny got to school alright?" Mr. Weasley said tiredly again, putting his feet up and rubbing his eyes, hastily changing the subject. Mrs. Weasley gaped at him before sighing and nodding. She left, and returned after a moment with three mugs of tea. Mine was orange. Thinking about why mine was orange brought me back to Lupin as I took a sip and shuddered. He was going to be furious when he found out my huge lie to Kingsley. I was slightly mad at myself too; I knew that I only increased some of the danger for him, because I knew that he would follow me when I turned, at his own risk.

"How was your day, Jenny?" Mrs. Weasley asked me as I took another sip of my tea and pulled a face.

"I hope it was…profitable. I was in a few offices, followed a few people. It will be harder to get back though, now that there was the breach. And I know that they won't print it in the _Prophet._" I sighed, and stretched out my leg, making Mrs. Weasley gasp and point. I had blood on my knee from smashing Yaxley's face. "That's nothing, really Mrs. Weasley, don't get up. I smashed in Yaxley's face with my knee is all." I protested, but she had already gotten up, grabbed her wand and cleaned off my knee, but then stiffened and looked at me when she processed what I had said; Mr. Weasley choked into his tea. "Long story short, it helped our little trio get out." I sighed before they could start questioning me. Before they could say anything, the fire erupted in green flames, making me jump, barely holding onto my tea. I still wasn't used to the magic thing.

Kingsley's face was looking mighty smug as he appeared. "I see everyone is home safe," he smirked, and I wiped my face clean of any emotion, even when I sipped my tea again. "Jenny, did you get anything?"

"I did get a few things, yes. I don't know how useful they will be, but I decided to take it slow considering I had no idea what I was doing." I didn't even look at him as I hid my face with the teacup, taking another sip, the vile shit inside almost blinding my eyes with its horrid color.

"Then we want you to come in right away. That information is very highly valued here, and if we were to lose it…the situation would be grave. We'll also want synapses on your day as well." He vanished with a pop, and I glared at the fireplace once he had vanished. How dare he imply that I would lose the information I had risked my life to get for him? Git.

"Ready, Jenny? We'll have to Apparate again, sorry." He apologized when he saw me wince as I got up. I wasn't about to contradict him; he thought it was a reaction to Apparating, when it was really a reaction to my stiffness. The dizzying Apparition made me want to puke, but it was crowded on the front step to Grimmauld Place, so I just ducked inside and leaned against the wall for a moment to stop the dizziness. Then I followed the Weasley's into the kitchen, were the Order members were waiting. I silently stopped at the end of the table with the empty chair for me, and remained standing as I took off my bag and reached inside, flinching when my fingertips hit the eyeball. I closed my eyes as I took out the two papers and the eye, and set them on the table.

I heard plenty of gasps and swearwords, and people seizing the eye. "Do you have any idea what this is? Where did you find it?" Kingsley's demanding voice rocked through my head, as I opened my eyes. Everyone was either looking at the eye or at me.

"I don't know why it was in the Ministry, not to mention Umbridge's door—" Tonks' snarl of fury made me flinch. I had never seen her so angry.

"This eye," she said, trembling with rage as she pointed at it sitting in Kingsley's palm, "belonged to one of our greatest members and Aurors of all time, Alastor Moody. He died getting Harry safely to the Burrow earlier this summer. We never recovered his body. This eye is magical, he lost one fighting Dark Wizards. Umbridge, what was she using it for?" She said this all in a forced patience.

"It was in a hole in her door with a telescope in the back-" I said unwillingly, and the eruption of voices made me flinch again as the Order went into an uproar.

"If I had known-" Mr. Weasley had turned incredibly pale.

"That sick, twisted, disgusting, fucking-" Tonks was snarling, Lupin's hand gently on her arm. Kingsley was staring at the source of her anger, the eye in his hand, looking actually remorseful for once.

"Enough! Come on, she has more." Charlie managed to roar over the hubbub. Gradually, everyone sat back down. Someone had gotten a little dish and cover for the eye, and it sat in the center of the table as everyone turned back to me.

"This is a list of Undesirables from the Minister's desk." I started, and Kingsley raised an eyebrow at me as he took it.

"I thought you said you were starting slow?" He asked as the paper was passed around after he scanned it.

"It was a good opportunity. Then this is a paper giving an order to place a Taboo on the word listed. It was dated yesterday, so I don't know if that word is safe anymore." I passed that piece of paper around too, and silence descended as the Order members pondered the two sheets in front of them…


	15. Perfectly Lonely

Before we begin…I'd like to address a reader/reviewer. Count Happenis, flames usually don't bother me, but I would have gotten your message in another way. Telling me to drop dead and threatening to rape me in my sleep really wasn't necessary, but thank you for you…enthusiasm.

Oh, and a few of you have been wondering why I made Kingsley such and evil and arrogant little ass. Well, Kingsley is always so glorified and goody-goody. What good is a story if there isn't a little (or maybe a lot) of darkness thrown in there? If it is to OOC for you, then stop reading.

Perfectly Lonely

_Nothing to do_

_Nowhere to be_

_A simple little kind of free_

_Nothing to do_

_No one to be_

Jenny

9/2/10

5:02 p.m.

"You've done impressive work for your first run, Jenny." Kingsley looked sour as he said it. "But now describe your day for us." He added. So I did. I told them about the offices I went into, people I had followed and seen. Then I went into detail about being in Umbridge's office and finding Ron and Harry, then following Harry to the courtrooms, Hermione, and finally, my attack on Yaxley. I left out everything about the locket. Kingsley wanted to interfere with what my friends were doing, and I wasn't about to let him do it. "You took risks." Kingsley said with a sour face again, mulling over the part about the Dementors. He was obviously unhappy and a little pissed off that I had done so well, because I was a Muggle.

"Risks were necessary. I can't be careful anymore, not when the Ministry isn't." I said firmly. Kingsley eyed me for a moment, trying not to congratulate me, and desperately thinking of something else he could say to break the moment. Then a smile that made red warning flags flash in my brain stretched across his face.

"Normally, I would have rewarded you with the Wolfsbane Potion, but since you so chivalrously told me you don't need them, a simple congratulations will do." Kingsley shook my hand briskly in the stunned silence then swept out. _Shhhiiiittttttt._ I mentally assaulted and killed Kingsley repeatedly in my brain as Tonks looked at me sympathetically. She was the only one who knew. I couldn't even look at Lupin.

"What was he talking about, Jenny?" Mr. Weasley asked almost dangerously, as dangerously as he could ask a question. I sighed, steeling myself for the fight that was sure to follow.

"After I came back from the full moon, I told Kingsley that he had helped me conquer my fear and that I didn't need the potions anymore, that Lupin could use all of them. I did it to let him know that I wasn't afraid of him." Lupin had turned a fierce shade of red over in the corner, his face livid, clashing with the heat spreading across his face.

"Is that true?" Mr. Weasley asked in a forced calm. Before I could answer, Lupin spoke up harshly.

"Of course it's not true. Jenny, you were so scared in the morning, you-"

"I'm perfectly aware of what I've done, Lupin. It's a luxury I don't deserve, and since I haven't experienced changing with the potion, it's not a sacrifice." I cut across him just as harshly, adrenaline slowly filling me up. When I got mad, I got a rush from it, an instinct for a fight.

"Not a _sacrifice?_ Jenny, you were torn to ribbons. I can't let you do that to yourself every month!" Lupin insisted, standing up and leaning on the table to glare at me down its length.

"You'll just have to stop following me when I change. I did this not just for me, Lupin. You'll have to keep yourself safe—"

"Keep _me _safe? I have all the experience I need. You can't—"

"I can, and I will. I only have two things I have to do now, spy in the Ministry and be a werewolf once a month. Both are dangerous no matter how you slice it. I'm not afraid to get hurt."

"I can't allow it. I _won't _allow it." Lupin looked beside himself. Slight guilt rose in me before I squashed it. This was for his own good, really.

"You are worth every drop of the potion we have, Lupin. Pain is not my enemy, because I cannot define it. Therefore, it does not define me." I said calmly ignoring the looks of horror and almost grim admiration on the rest of the members faces. Lupin's face flushed brighter if possible as I quoted my father, something I told him never to do again. I turned and walked away then, up the stairs, and seeing nowhere else to go, up all the stairs to the fourth floor where one of the twins was leaning against the door, tossing his wand and catching it repeatedly, but straightened up as I climbed the last few steps.

"I heard a lot of shouting down there…how did the first day go?" He asked, and I noticed a Extendable Ear hanging out of his jacket pocket, and I couldn't help but smile, but it turned out more like a grimace.

"You tell me," I said, gesturing to the fleshy string, and he flushed slightly, stuffing it further into his pocket and out of sight.

"What you did for Lupin…it really is a sacrifice." He said honestly, and I shrugged, leaning against the railing, and on a quick peek downward, saw Lupin storm across the front hallway, grab his cloak and slam the door on his way out. It made me wince. "And you did a great job today in the Ministry. I'm just surprised that Ron had the balls to do what he did." George said lightly, dropping the werewolf subject altogether, much to my relief. I had finally recognized him as George because he had made the ridiculous bow when he saw me. At least, I _thought_ it was George.

"I just hope they are safe…and I know that this is going to sound strange, but could I possibly get in there?" I asked, pointing to the door. George rolled his eyes in mock drama and unlocked the door and bowed ridiculously again, gesturing me inside. Thanking him quietly, I stepped inside. Draco was surprisingly just inside the door, he must have been listening. "Dark Wizard," I greeted him, moving past him into the spacious attic. I heard him clench his teeth, and it almost made me laugh. Why that would piss him off, I had no idea.

"A mission today?" He asked, looking paler than usual. He didn't call me Muggle, but I didn't expect him to. He was still trying to get me to open up to him, like he was good after all. I just nodded, going to the little window to look out into the London night.

"And I promised to visit after each one, didn't I?" I asked almost to myself, tracing grit from the outside window with a finger, then turning as I heard him move, the floorboards creaking. "You look pale." I sat by the window as he opened his mouth to say something, and he looked irritated that I interrupted him.

"So do you. What did you do for Lupin?" He asked, and I felt my muscles tighten instantly. I knew that Lupin would probably yell at me again; try to reason with Kingsley, all of that awkward nonsense.

"You look lonely too." I added quietly, tracing circles in the dust on the attic floor, ignoring the question, and I heard him sigh angrily, but before he could talk again, I surprised myself by telling the truth to this dark, angsty and seriously messed up in the head wizard. "Since no one here is really that skilled at Potion making, the Wolfsbane Potions are running low. I told Kingsley that I wouldn't need them, that I wasn't afraid to lose my mind and be a vicious wolf every full moon. He's now using it against me, even though he knows I'm not afraid of him anymore. Lupin is furious." I said this all very quietly, with my gaze fixed perfectly on the symbols and patterns I was drawing in the dust, even when Draco swore quietly under his breath.

"Are you suicidal?" he asked finally, and I chuckled just as quietly as I had spoken, starting to draw a picture of a little stick person on a hill in the dust. Then I drew my house.

"Not yet, even though my only job practically is suicide and being a werewolf isn't the safest thing in the world. How about you, cut off from the world and being locked in an attic 24/7? That's got to blow some major chunks." I said this lightly, and I felt his confusion, which made me want to laugh again. For once, being a Muggle was coming in handy. "You know, it sucks, it's not good, and it blows. Chunks." I tried to explain and failed when I looked up to see him watching me strangely. I laughed, obliterating the hillside with a swipe of my hand, feeling bitter all of a sudden. I had drawn my family in the dust, and their 'appearance' made loss shoot through me.

"Ask for the potion again." He almost sounded pleading, his voice abrupt, and I raised an eyebrow as I looked at him, studied him. His hair was getting longer, but he still looked lean and almost more muscular than before. So he wasn't getting fat sitting up here all day. Nice. But he did look desperate and powerless, and I wondered why, my dangerous curiosity tingling.

"It won't do anything to change Kingsley's mind." I said lifelessly. "Besides, I don't want it. Yes, it's dangerous for me, and it hurts like hell, not to mention scary recalling your night almost like a dream and not remembering sections at all, not to mention waking up with no idea where you are, bruised and bleeding, stark naked and _freezing._" I ignored Draco and put my face in my hands, ending my quick rant. "Lupin deserves it much more than I do, he's more important." I said quietly, my voice muffled by my hands. I had already made up my mind, but it didn't scare me any less. I heard Draco move and sit closer to me.

"But you're my link to the outside world…what if you get attacked as a wolf and die?" His caring attitude was cute, and I could make fun of him for it, but I wasn't that kind of person right now. I really needed someone who wanted to hurt me so I could throttle them; cause something the same pain I was feeling.

"It's more likely that I get caught spying and get tortured and executed than getting more than sore as a wolf. And you shouldn't have a link at all, Dark Wizard. You're incredibly lucky right now." He snorted, and I took my head out of my hands. We were almost face to face now.

"If only you knew." He muttered darkly. His silvery eyes looked incredibly sad, and for some reason, that made anger shoot through me.

"If only I cared, really. I came in here to rant and be pissed off, not to give you a therapy session." I snapped rubbing my temples. I heard his sharp intake of breath, and I felt a little guilty. _Stop that. He didn't stop Greyback from getting you into this mess. Be angry!_

"You would be a great Slytherin." He said after a moment, and hate flashed down my veins. Hermione had explained Hogwarts in detail, and here goes this kid insulting the shit out of me. I slapped him full across the face before he could react, and stood up swiftly. His one comment had gotten perfectly under my skin.

"And that knife I threw into your leg would have been great in your neck. I'm a Muggle, Dark Wizard, and that's the way it will always be." I stopped, shocked into silence at my reaction. I had never been violent outside of karate, and I had certainly yelled at people before, but never like this. Draco had one hand on the pink mark across his left cheek, speechless. "God, what the hell has happened to me?" I whispered, sliding down the wall into my sitting position once more, putting my forehead back on my knees, wrapping my arms around myself, making a little ball of misery. Why did I always take this position when I was in the attic?

An arm around my shoulders surprised me somewhere deep inside, but I stayed still under Draco's arm, too pissed off at life to beat him to smithereens. He leaned into me when I didn't. He smelled amazing for being locked in an attic for weeks, so they must be letting him shower. His arms were strong and comforting, like a shield I didn't need against the world. I entered a state I got into when life became almost unbearable, when I would spend minutes into hours just staring at something, or keeping my eyes open into darkness, not really thinking. "You'll be alright, if you stay safe." He said it softly, but it sparked the rage again, and I sprinted clear up from the ground and across the room to the door, new anguish at life sparking up from just under the surface. All the tears I refused to cry were making me tremble a little.

Draco looked shocked again, his arms slowly closing around the space that I couldn't believe I had been in. He had messed with my mind and moved right in, the git. I told myself this, it was probably true, but deep down I knew that it was just what I had needed. "I'm not even safe to myself anymore, Draco." I whispered, using his real name and slipped out, ignoring George trying to talk to me as I fled silently down the flights of stairs to my room, and curled in a ball on the floor, beside my desk, hiding. Thoughts raced through my head along with exhaustion as I silently let tears fall onto the floor, hugging myself.


	16. The Deep End

The Deep End

_And don't tell me, I'm afraid of waking up alone_

_But it's waking up to find you've gone_

_Well you make it clear,_

_I had my chances_

_Only one way left to go,_

_So I'll follow it down_

Draco

9/3/10

1:23 a.m.

I had finally lost it. My mind was blown, all caution and common sense obliterated.

Here I was, the proud, arrogant Draco Malfoy, locked in the enemy's attic, falling for the girl I was supposed to have helped to murder. She was the way she was partly because of me. _I shouldn't be liking her!_ Why did I feel for her so much? Was the seclusion getting to me? She was the only person I got 'visits' from besides the troop of Aurors that let me shower, and Ron Weasley's mother who brought up food. I mean, _yes_, she was attractive, strong, decisive, sly, fit, and brave…See! There I was again, wrapped up in my thoughts about this girl. Every time I tried not to think about her, it happened. I cared for her well being, partly because I had slightly gotten her into the mess she was currently in, but mostly because I _wanted_ her to be safe. I was protective of her, _her!_ The dangerous and probably suicidal Muggle/werewolf/spy! She was my enemy. She had hit me, said terrible things to me, even though I knew she regretted it. Her sarcasm and toughness would rival a Slytherin's, especially because she was gorgeous.

When she had left, hating herself, I wanted to go after her, to hold her close, to tell her it was ok, to _protect _her from my world. But how could I help her, locked in an attic, wandless? Speaking of, how could she still be alive after sneaking through the Ministry without any kind of magic besides the werewolf blood now in her veins? If she could do it, using only brawn and brains, why couldn't I get out of here?

But I knew that I would never leave here without knowing if she would be alright. Plus, I had nowhere to go. I was safer here than I had been in my whole life. I didn't want to give her up; I didn't want to go back to Dark Magic. So what could I do to get out of the attic, but stay at the Order? I wanted to connect with the girl. It was pathetic that I always refered to her like that. The girl. Her. I _wanted_ to know her name so badly. I would never call her Muggle. _Ever._ She was so much better than that, even though she was doing the exact same thing Lupin had done. She had started to hate herself, hate her life, and we have all seen how Lupin turned out.

I needed to connect with her more often, I needed more of her. But how? I couldn't be a spy too, the Order would never trust me, and I wasn't as strong as her, not as able-bodied. What could I do for them, and how could I get them all to trust me?

…

Jenny

9/3/10

1:40 a.m.

Unable to sleep, I silently walked downstairs to the kitchen. I couldn't trust myself to go to anyone who was unbiased in this house, because there was no one. I couldn't trust Draco anymore, not when he pulled a move like that. Who I really needed was Hermione. She had a vague idea about who I had been before the attack, she would be here to keep me sane, if I could have her. I stood still as a statue in front of the sink and listened to the house, trying to forget my troubles. The whole place was deathly silent, even though my mind was buzzing tiredly, keeping me awake. My list of troubles, seemingly magnified by the short and awkward conversation I had with Draco seemed to fill up my head.

One, Draco was far too friendly with me, and vice versa. He was my enemy, my sort of attacker. He was a Dark Wizard, a toerag. I shouldn't have felt comfort in his arms, no security. If I got even friendlier with him, and the Order found out…with a quiet groan, I turned and sank into my ball of misery in front of the sink. I knew that he was both truly evil and trying to get information out of me, or he was lonely. Both of those reasons would make him care enough about me to try to comfort me.

Two, the whole werewolf thing hadn't just disappeared. I was normal less than a week ago, happy, slightly bored, but I was _free._ I had a boyfriend, a driver's license, a life. I was almost a high school graduate. I had gone from studying to spying. A major WTF life changing moment for anyone. I still couldn't grasp the fact that magic _existed_, and that it was technically in me. I had made a hard, scary choice, to cement myself as someone the Order could trust, and to mess with Kingsley. The only way I could make myself go through with it was to tell myself I wasn't worth those potions. I still didn't know if I was right or wrong. I knew that Lupin deserved them more, but was I really worthless? Part of me said yes, part of me said no. But the more I thought about it, the less important I became, until I started to hate myself for what I was.

Three, I could die anytime I stepped inside the Ministry. Outside of Grimmauld Place, really, my new little prison. 4 floors, 3 and a half bath, filled with people who cared about me, but I didn't even know them, and vice versa. And not going to the Ministry wasn't an option. Yes, I was being whiny. Crying wouldn't get me anywhere, neither would praying, pleading, begging, or suicide. I had cowardly thought about each, especially the last one. It would do the Order a favor. How useful was I really? How long would I last in this world anyway? And if the Ministry was restored to the good wizards, what would happen to me? Suicide seemed to solve everything…

"Jenny?" Lupin's hoarse voice made my head snap up quickly. He still had his cloak on; he must have just gotten back from his angry stroll. "What are you still doing up?" He looked surprised as my heart hammered in my chest, he had scared me. I felt like a kid getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I knew that he couldn't tell what I had been thinking about, but my pulse was beating loudly in my ears just the same.

"I-I'm-couldn't sleep." I stammered finally, unsteadily bolting to my feet and hesitating stiffly by the counter, like a deer in headlights as Lupin grew more and more concerned with my appearance. I must be scaring him.

"Jenny, are you alright?" His concern made me want to scream. I wanted to confide, wanted to make friends, solve my problems; but I wanted my old life, no matter how much wanting it didn't matter anymore. And, he had just found out the major lie I had told that concerned him less than 3 hours ago. I didn't deserve his kindness. I didn't deserve his help, his concern.

"F-fine. Perfect, actually." I worked to control my stutter, to try to fool him. He didn't need my problems along with the responsibility and recourses I required by being here. Lupin crossed the room almost slow mow, and by the time he was too close to run away, I tried anyway, but he caught my arm. My reflexes were leaving me now too?

"Jenny, what happened to you?" He sounded too urgent, too confused to be real. "Jenny, sit down, here." He directed me easily to a chair and sat me down. "What's the matter, now?" he asked patiently, still seeming to be worried. The whole world seemed to be waving in front of me, almost hypnotic, even though Lupin's face stayed still.

"I'm a fool, a coward, a pathetic whiny recourse sucking-" I started to whisper, despite my best try of sitting silent. It was the look on his face that made me break. He had looked so…interested and concerned, like I was his child. He looked like my father.

"Whoa, whoa. Jenny, what are you talking about?" Lupin interrupted, looking almost afraid now, but I continued.

"I'm weak, useless. How much can I really help the Order without hurting them along the way? I'm a hassle, a chore. The secret you have to protect. I don't want to be here, it isn't right. But where can I go, what can I do? _Nothing_. I have no options, this spying thing isn't a option. And when your war is over, what will I be used for? _Nothing._ I'd be better off just offing myself to-"

"Jenny!" Lupin raised his voice, finally getting my attention. I had been staring blankly across the kitchen, basically ranting for all I was worth. The injustice made me want to…want to what? What could I do? _Nothing._ "Jenny, you listen to me. You have every right to feel this way, to want what you had. But don't go down this road. I grew up with this…change, and I'm still not used to it. Yes, it will take a toll on you, especially because it's all you have, but despite what it may seem, you are _loved_ here." I shook my head lightly, in a slight daze yet, and he sighed. "Jenny, you are the strongest person I know, Muggle or not. No one expected you to survive the change, and if you did, no one expected you to stay within your same personality, not even me. I barely did it with one bite, you had _four._ Don't second guess yourself, things will get better." He was looking at me almost pleadingly, but I couldn't understand his alarm at my reaction. "And suicide is not and never will be an option for you, Jenny Quinty." Oh…that's why he was so upset.

"I'm sorry." I whispered finally, lightly tracing the bite on my neck. Lupin watched me carefully.

"_Merlin_, Jenny, please don't do that again. You scared me." Lupin said thankfully, pulling me out of the kitchen chair and hugging me almost gratefully. I felt a sharp pang of guilt. I was his one companion at the Order who knew what the transformations were like, it would have been so selfish to remove that from him. Suddenly, I was hugging him back with everything I had.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Lupin, I'm sorry." I whispered quickly, and for the first time since I had been here, I felt accepted, needed. _Loved._ I felt petty and selfish for wanting that feeling, even though I knew that the loneliness for my family would never disappear; it would never be completely filled. I also knew that these feelings would probably come back unless I safeguarded Lupin further. "Promise me something," I whispered, and he pulled back, looking cautious, but agreed. "If I ever catch you following me as a wolf, and I attack you, you have to promise me that you'll fight me off, kill me if you have to." Lupin started shaking his head, but I plowed on, voice growing from its whisper to almost a murmur. "Scare me away, hurt me; just make me know that I shouldn't cross paths with you again, no matter what it takes."

"I couldn't, I wouldn't. It wouldn't be fair, you won't know who you are, who _I _am-" Lupin started, and I realized he must have thought of this before. I cut him off anyway.

"Lupin, I know now that I am worth something here, but you are worth much, _much_ more. Think of it as tough love." I insisted, taking his hands and squeezing them, to keep his attention. "You _have_ to, and you know it. You know that I won't show any lenience to you, so it should be the same." I could tell that the effect of my words was starting to get to him.

"I told myself I wouldn't, but…if ever the time comes, I'll hesitate, but I'll drive you off." He sounded displeased, but in a depressing way that made me want to take back what I had said, but I needed the security for him. For myself.

"Whatever it takes." I added as forcefully as my emotionally and physically tired body would allow, and he nodded, looking at our hands. "Thank you, Lupin, for everything." I said, and as he stood up, I did too.

"I hate to worry you…but I don't want you to be taken off guard by Kingsley again. The full moon is in two weeks." He said flatly, and after a brief moment of intense horror, I sighed and rubbed my temples.

"Bring it on," I said quietly, and Lupin chuckled.

Draco

9/3/10

3:02 a.m.

Finally, the idea came, and I felt stupid for not thinking of it before, considering I was trying to use Jenny's strategy of 'playing by your strengths' to my advantage. I could use my potion making ability to make the Wolfsbane Potion for her. So that she wouldn't have to lose her mind every month, so she wouldn't have to get hurt. I could make other potions for the Order as well, Polyjuice, Healing, Blood Replenishing…I could make every potion I ever tried, almost as good as Granger.

And if they didn't believe my intentions….the only way I could think of clearing my name fully to the Order was to let them use Veratisereum. It seemed like an intensely stupid idea, and I disliked it, but they wouldn't believe me any other way.

I had to stay focused. I tried telling myself that I shouldn't base my desire to help the Order and get out of their attic only on this girl, but I knew that was a lie. It was unwise to like her, care for her, but I couldn't see things any other way.


	17. Reason To Believe

Reason To Believe

_I have reason to believe that I have victories to taste_

_I can feel them on my teeth, upon my lips and in my chest_

_I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat_

_I feel the tension in my lungs and every move is fueled by my resolve to_

_Breathe, don't you want to breathe?_

Jenny

9/6/10

3:30 p.m.

I sat quietly in the corner of Umbridge's office that I could observe her the best from, watching her every move. I had moved on from my incident in the kitchen three days ago, waited for the Ministry to die down, and then continued coming with Mr. Weasley to work. I had mastered being with him in his Apparitions, and they became easier to handle until they felt normal. That was now how he came to work, and we left together every day. I had been incredibly lucky with not being caught, hurt or trapped yet. I had started a new tactic; follow around someone important in the Ministry (like the hag Umbridge) and try to pick up the more valuable information passed by word of mouth. The most important news would never be written down where people could see it. Umbridge continued to write as the kittens on the plates danced around.

With an inaudible sigh, I got up and moved slowly around the room towards the door. Mr. Weasley was getting better and better with his Disillusionment Charms, but I would never be completely invisible at the Ministry. Thankfully, the work day was almost over, and Umbridge would leave her office, giving me a way out, and then I could go home. Yes, I now called Grimmauld Place home. As much as I didn't want to, it was fitting. Distracted by my now moody thoughts, I barely got out of the way of the door as it opened, and someone I didn't recognize came in. I could barely tell that it was a girl; her face was brutal, ugly and frightening. "Ah, Alecto! Please, have a seat." Umbridge said sweetly, but Alecto remained standing.

"Everyone at tha' schoo' is still disrespectin' us!" Alecto snarled roughly. Her voice was as hideous as her face. Umbridge sighed, like she was dealing with a four year old.

"You and your brother already possess all the power you can. Snape has given you a teachers status, and put you in charge of detentions. The children causing trouble will soon bend to your will."

"It's been almost a _month._" Alecto said stupidly, but continued. "These kids, they actin' like they _want_ detentions. Nothin' we use on em' keeps em' from doin' it again!" Alecto complained. My mind was whirling. Alecto and her brother must be the two Death Eaters at Hogwarts besides Snape. According to Umbridge, they had all the power they could have hurting kids…my stomach clenched angrily.

"Give it time, Alecto. Pain, I've found, is an excellent tool of persuasion. I take it you brought the list of students causing the most trouble? We can help keep them in check by holding their families against their will until they submit." Anger flashed down my spine. How dare that sick, twisted fucking toad-

"Oh yeah! I gots it righ' here." Alecto handed her a stack of paper. "The top 100 students misbehavin', the ones that gots the most detentions." Alecto grinned, fingering her short, stubby wand lovingly with equally stubby fingers. I wanted to kill her and Umbridge.

"Excellent. You'll start receiving lists of children whose parents are being held. If we have to, we can reverse the order. A few children in pain could put some parents back in their place. Thank you, Alecto." Umbridge said sweetly, an obvious dismissal. Alecto trudged out, but I didn't leave when I had the chance. I wanted a copy of that list, to back up what I had just heard. Umbridge muttered something about kittens as she made a few copies of the document, filing some away. In the process, a stack fell to the floor with other papers. Taking an immense risk, I snatched a good three handfuls of the paper on the floor and shoved it into the bag before Umbridge turned to pick up the mess. She didn't notice that some papers were gone, instead, she flicked them onto her desk, and picked up her pink tweed coat. I followed her out the door, and almost ran to Mr. Weasley's office.

…

"Number one on the list, Ginny Weasley." Kingsley read flatly. Everyone was assembled again, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked a strange mix between concerned and proud. "Well, at least your kid is doing something." Kingsley muttered, flipping through the sheet, tapping his wand on a few names, making them glow. "Not a single Slytherin on the list, well the list we have." Kingsley goaded me for the fifth time this evening for not getting the complete list. I mentally kicked him repeatedly in the happy sacks as Mr. Weasley picked up the papers.

"Did any of them say what was being used in the detentions?" He sounded so concerned, but I couldn't ease his fears.

"Not a word, but knowing Death Eaters…it's probably not writing lines, Mr. Weasley." I said quietly, and he and Mrs. Weasley started talking heatedly as the meeting awkwardly broke up. After talking a moment more with a Dedalus Diggle, who was nearly bouncing off the walls, I slowly climbed up the four flights of stairs to the attic. Why I was keeping this promise and risking my sanity? Search me. Hestia Jones, a secret Auror I had met just yesterday nodded to me. She had been almost excited to get to know me, even after Kingsley told her repeatedly that I was a werewolf and a Muggle. She let me in without a word. Draco hadn't heard me come in; he was staring at the ceiling, and he looked to be half asleep. "Getting your beauty rest?" I asked once I silently closed the door, and he jumped about half a league as he sat up quickly.

"You came back," He said stupidly, scrambling to his feet, an odd look in his molten silver eyes. It looked almost soft, yet oh so desperate. Tiny warning flags came up at his desperation. If our positions were to be switched, I would do anything to get out of the attic after two days, not almost a week. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Who knows why, but yes, I'm here." I said calmly, trying not to think about my new little…curse on this place. Every time I came up here, I left in a depressed mood. He looked uncertain as he took a step closer.

"Why can't I know your name?" he asked quietly. I rolled my eyes.

"You _are_ a one track record. You," I pointed at him, "are a Dark Wizard who just happens to be a prisoner. I," I pointed at myself, "am a spy for the Order. You knowing what I look like is bad enough, not to mention the oh so important personal details. So you knowing my name and then somehow sometime getting out of here and letting every other Dark Wizard know everything about me would be bad." He didn't get pissed off or frustrated like last time, like I had expected him to.

"I need you to deliver a message for me, and since I don't know your name, telling you will be difficult." He said, and I laughed quietly.

"As free as I look to you, I can't leave Grimmauld Place without a wizarding escort. And I really don't feel like going to some Dark Wizard and getting captured just to deliver a message." I said lightly, but he continued as if I hadn't said anything. He looked determined now, and it made me slightly uneasy.

"I need you to tell Kingsley Shacklebolt that I want to be questioned under Veratisereum about my intentions and what I can do for the Order." He said this calmly enough, but it was like a slap to the face.

"Beg your pardon?" I asked reflexively, surprised.

"I want you to tell Kingsley that I want to be questioned under Veratisereum about how I can help the Order." He repeated patiently. I looked at him for a moment, and he looked calm enough to not be going mad, but I had to test him.

"Has this attic scrambled your brain? Veratisereum will make you say anything, any of your secrets!" I felt oddly protective of this man, like he deserved his privacy. He just nodded. I bit my lip, then sighed. "I'll pass it on, but Kingsley is twisted. Anything you say he'll use against you. Whatever affect you want this to have, it may not be what you get out of it." I turned and left, and once out of his hearing, flew down the stairs to find Kingsley. "Kingsley," I addressed him, once I found him in the drawing room, playing chess with Diggle. He looked up and sighed.

"What now, Quinty?" He sighed, ignoring Diggle who greeted me cheerfully, a stark contrast to the rude greeting Kingsley gave me.

"The wizard in the attic, he wants to be questioned with Veratisereum." I said cautiously, realizing that this was going to be harder to explain than I had thought.

"Does he now? And how would _you_ know that?" I had his attention, but that wasn't a good thing.

"I went up there to practice on him." I lied on the spot, and smiled a little, even though my brain was reacting frantically to my lie. "He's a good target; it's more satisfying than I would have thought." I said casually, leaning against the chest of drawers. Kingsley actually bought my lie, looking pleased, the sick bastard.

"Good, maybe we can get more answers out of him. He was my last resort if you couldn't find anything, and we would have used force to make him spill. Go get him ready for me, I'll assemble the Order and get the potion." He stood up swiftly, and I nodded, then when I was out of sight, bolted back up the steps and nodded to Hestia, who let me back in without question. Draco looked up in surprise from the window, standing up almost wearily as the door closed, but he looked hopeful, even though his face was resigned.

"Sorry about this, I have to reinforce a lie here," I explained quickly, and crossed the room and decked him across the face. "I had to lie to Kingsley as to why I would be talking to you, told him I was beating you up-" I winced at the same time he did as I kicked him in the stomach. "Sorry!" I felt terrible beating up someone defenseless, especially when I punched him right in the eye. He spat, his spit red from his split lip from my punch as I heard feet on the stairs. "Shit, _shit-_" I thought quickly as his eye slowly began to blacken, and I took his hand, and broke his pinky finger, his face twisting in pain. But moments before, when I was holding his hand, I swear to God he looked almost happy, like he _wanted_ to hold my hand.

"Is he ready?" Kingsley asked in a bored tone of voice, as the door opened. I moved away from Malfoy without looking at him and ignored the look on Tonks's face when she saw Malfoy. She now knew that I had lied again. To whom, she couldn't be sure. She surely knew that I came up here after every mission, but what I was doing had been blessedly overlooked by all. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and backed up as Kingsley lazily strode towards Draco, who had haughtily drawn himself up with all the authority he could muster, despite his black eye and bleeding lip, his hand with the broken finger cradled in his other. "Sit down and drink this." Kingsley said harshly, and Draco lightly took the potion with his injured hand, subtly showing off his broken finger. Guilt shot through me. _Why_ would he continue my lie? He drank the potion like a shot, and his face almost instantly changed to untroubled and calm.

"Your name, boy?" Kingsley asked, looking like he was enjoying himself.

"Draco Malfoy."

"Are you a Death Eater by choice?" I threw in, and he turned and glared at me as Draco replied.

"If I hadn't joined, I would have surely died, my family as well."

"Where was the Dark Lord the last time you saw him?" Kingsley asked quickly, before anyone else could ask a question.

"He was at our family mansion, the new headquarters for the Dark Lord."

"Why where you with Fenrir Greyback when you attacked the Muggle in her kitchen?" Lupin asked sharply, and Kingsley glared at him too.

"It was punishment from the Dark Lord. I had failed to kill Dumbledore by my own hand, after showing reluctance to do so. He decided it would be good for me."

I was frozen. The kid was forced into service and trying to kill me was punishment for not killing _Dumbledore?_

**This is the last chapter I'll be putting on for a while, I have exams to study for, so (unfortunately) I can't be writing fanfiction. **

**blackorchestrafreak**


	18. Pale

Pale

_Have to try to break free_

_From the thoughts in my mind._

_Use the time that I have,_

_I can't say goodbye,_

_Have to make it right._

_Have to fight, cause I know_

_In the end it's worthwhile,_

_That the pain that I feel slowly fades away._

_It will be alright._

Jenny

9/6/10

6:48 p.m.

"So you don't like Dark Magic at all? You've been forced into it?" I asked breathlessly, desperate to know more.

"I've always despised Dark Magic. I've been forced into it by my parents choices." Draco said flatly.

"What was The Dark Lord planning when you were last there?" Kingsley butted in, ignoring my now pale face, and continuing with his aggressive bad cop routine.

"I wanted no part of it, I do not know. But most of his plans usually circulate around killing Harry Potter."

"Has the Muggle spy been beating you up every time she comes up here?" Tonks asked randomly, and any remaining blood in my face vanished. _SHIT!_

"No. She promised she would visit after each mission. She only beat me up when Kingsley asked her to, and before you arrived."

"You lying wretch!" Kingsley bellowed, turning away from Draco to advance on me. "Giving away secrets, hmmm? Letting him know things?"

"Has she revealed any secrets to you about the Order?" Lupin asked sharply, as Kingsley raised his wand, and with one flick, I was suddenly unable to move, cords coming from nowhere and binding me tightly, making me gasp with surprise. I met Kingsley's gaze with a defiant stare, tensing as adrenaline rushed through me as he smirked.

"She's joked bitterly about why that's why I asked her to come, but she's never told me anything."

"Then why did you ask her to come?" Lupin pressed, nervously looking between Kingsley, who was glaring frozenly at me from Draco's response, and Draco himself. He still looked like he was storing anger, which was _not_ good for me. I was already pretty much at his mercy, a position I usually wasn't in with anyone, never mind him.

"Because I was getting bored and desperate in the attic. I felt terrible about what I had let Greyback do; I wanted to somehow try to make amends."

"What would you talk about?" Kingsley asked dangerously, not dropping his spell.

"Don't answer-" I started, but Kingsley flicked his wand again, and I was suddenly silent. Draco paused, unsure.

"What would you talk about?" Kingsley asked calmly, looking at me with triumph. I closed my eyes when he answered.

"She would always become depressed, so I would try to comfort her. She was so sad; it made me worried about her because I care for her well being." My eyes snapped open in shock. _WHAT?_

"You care for her?" Kingsley asked stupidly, looking at me, too shocked to goad my current position.

"She's attractive, strong, and very brave. Her visits kept me sane."

"Why did you want to be questioned?" Lupin asked quickly, looking at me with a concerned expression, waiting for Kingsley to let me go. He didn't, and unease crept over me. This was going to be a long night…especially with Draco's answers. He _liked_ me?

"Because her depression wanted me to get out of the attic to be around her more, to keep her safe. Once I thought of a way to help the Order, I knew I had to be questioned to be trusted."

"And what did you think of to help us?" Kingsley asked dangerously, suddenly coming back to life.

"I'm good at making potions. If I could be trusted, I would make potions for the Order, including the Wolfsbane Potion to keep her safe, to ease her depress-" Draco blinked, and his dreamy demeanor was lost as he started in surprise as he took in the room, then started to look angry at Kingsley, as he was still training his wand on me. I could feel Draco's eyes boring into me.

"Well, well…the truth comes out at last…" Kingsley put his wand under my chin and took a step closer, looking angrier by the second. "You promised a Dark Wizard to come and _visit_ him, after he helped attack you. Muggle weakness makes Muggles' stupider than I realized."

"Kingsley." Mr. Weasley said sharply, but he ignored him as he glared at me, and I glared back, as stiff as I could be, to make much slack as possible in the rope. Unfortunately, they tightened again by magic. Draco shifted, as if he was going to get up.

"You charm the poor boy into liking you, putting up a little sad and depressed act, 'Oh no, I'm a werewolf, and a stupid ugly Muggle, come help me', Bah!" My arms reacted instinctively as they strained against the rope when he hit me full across the face. Anger was coursing through my body, my cheek inflamed. I wanted to kill him. Acting faster than I would have thought possible, he flicked his wand at Malfoy as he stood up angrily, and rope twisted around him too, making him loose momentum and fall back onto the seat, struggling and thrashing angrily. Kingsley took my chin in his hand and studied me closely, almost with satisfaction at the bruise forming. "I've tried to teach you not to tell lies, but nothing has gotten through your thick, Muggle skull. You leave me no option." He flicked his wand, and I was suddenly free, but not for long. I steadied myself, ready to kick his ass. What happened next happened incredibly fast.

"Kingsley-" Tonks started as he slashed his wand through the air as I went to jump and kick his face in, but his spell was _fast_.

"_Crucio!"_ He snarled, and this time was worse, _much_ worse. Greyback had been playing with me. Kingsley was serious, and fiercely angry. It felt like I was being changed again, but all the pain at once, I had screamed as soon as it hit me, and I felt myself flying backwards, and with a crunch that made my head ring like crazy, I smashed into the wall-

The pain ripped away as a scuffle broke out. I was sprawled out on the floor at a weird angle, eyes closed, trying to remember how to breathe. I could faintly hear the quiet shuffling noises of Malfoy struggling, and it sounded like he was almost trying to say something. Then Mr. Weasley spoke, and he sounded more terrible than I ever could have imagined. "Get out." I heard him snarl angrily, then cut off Kingsley as he tried to say something. "Get out of here, and _never come back!_" He shouted, and I heard feet stomp away, and Kingsley swore angrily as he left the room. At the same time, feet hurried over and cupped my hurt cheek, and Mrs. Weasley murmured, 'Episkey,' and I felt the bruise disappear. "Is she alright?" I heard Mr. Weasley ask, like he was afraid to know the answer.

Mrs. Weasley gently set my head back to where it had been, and said something about not being sure, that I may be unconscious. Mr. Weasley swore, totally out of character for him. "We'll have to send someone after him, to erase his memory, I forgot, damn," Mr. Weasley bolted, and I heard his footsteps die away too, along with two other pairs. They rang in my head for awhile.

"Should we move her, or call Madam Pompfrey?" I heard Tonks ask shakily, and Mrs. Weasley hesitated. Tonks words sounded bended, warped, and they changed in pitch.

"I'm not sure. That curse normally only causes pain, I've never heard of someone blacking out before…I'm not positive if moving her would be the right thing, she'll be dreadfully sore…" Almost as soon as she said it, I became aware that I felt like I had come back from a night under the full moon. Every cell ached, especially my head. "…and I think she hit her head on the way down, oh, yes, that's a nasty cut…_Episkey."_ Once the throbbing pain in my head was gone, I focused on getting up. It was hard work, but once my eyelids started fluttering, I knew I was on the right track, and a moment later, I finally took in the room once more, and I tried to sit up immediately. For some reason, I still thought Kingsley was there, and he was about to feel serious pain. "Ah, no, take it easy, dear." Mrs. Weasley said gratefully, but kept me from getting up. I wouldn't have anyway, I was suddenly exhausted, and I set my head back down, closing my eyes.

"What happened?" I murmured, trying to sound as urgent as I felt, but it came out like I was half asleep. Mrs. Weasley stiffened so much, I heard her. Something shifted next to me fiercely, as if it was trapped.

"Kingsley used _Crucio_, an Unforgivable Curse. He was so angry that it blasted you right off your feet. If I _ever_ get my hands on him again, I swear his-" Tonks must have prodded her, because she stopped talking. "How's your head?" She asked in almost a forced calm. I opened my eyes. Both of them looked worried.

"Ringing." I said truthfully, and when I went to sit up, she let me, forcing me to recline against the window seat. _The window seat…_something clicked in my brain, and I turned and looked up. Draco was still sitting on the seat, still bound, and looking furious. The rope looked tight, and it was _everywhere_, on his mouth, wrists, ankles, any major joint was firmly restrained. "Aren't you going to let him go?" I asked, and Tonks hesitated. "Tonks?" I asked again, but she sighed and lowered her wand.

"Well, we still have a _few_ questions, for the both of you. I believe you," she added quickly, seeing my face, "but these days, I'm asking myself what Moody would have done." She withdrew another tiny vial of the clear potion, and Mrs. Weasley shook her head.

"Not right now, not after-" She stopped, seeing Tonks shake her head silently, and sighed, but handed me the vial, uncorking it for me when my trembling hands couldn't do it. Draco made an angry noise, but Tonks and Mrs. Weasley ignored him, even when he started to writhe again. I looked down into the potion, slightly curious, but mostly afraid. What would this do to me? I closed my eyes and drank. The potion was tasteless, but as soon as I swallowed, I felt empty.

"Your name?" A voice asked almost shakily from the darkness of my closed lids.

"Jennifer Lillian Quinty." I said before I could think about responding or not. My voice was soft but lifeless. I thought I heard someone gasp, but I wasn't sure.

"Are you a Muggle?"

"Yes."

"Why would you come to visit Draco Malfoy?"

"Because…because he was unbiased conversation, and he looked so…inadequate. I needed someone I could talk to who…who knew less about me then the Order members."

"Did you ever tell him secrets of the Order or classified information?"

"I thought that that's why he wanted to talk to me after each mission, but I never told him anything, not even my name."

"Do you like Draco Malfoy?"

"I don't know."

"Did you become depressed after your first change?"

"Yes, I hated everything about who I had become, and what had happened to me. The only reason Greyback's bites even made me change in the first place because the full moon was so close. I could have been sent back home if fate had been on my side."

"Did you lie to Kingsley about beating up Draco Malfoy?"

"Yes, I didn't want to hurt someone who didn't want a fight. But when he asked to be questioned, I had to lie about why I had talked to him. I beat him up before the questioning began to make my lie seem legit."

"What's going on here?" A hoarse voice asked, and I paused, unsure if I should answer.

"We're just doing what Moody would do, to see if she didn't lie. Both her stories and his fit." The shaky voice said reassuringly. There was a pause, then:

"Why did you make Lupin promise to do whatever was necessary to protect himself against you when you changed?" The hoarse voiced asked.

"I needed the security knowing that he was going to protect himself from me. Without the Wolfsbane Potion, I would attack him without another thought. He deserves them more than…me…" I blinked, and suddenly, my empty world disappeared, and I was back in the attic. My head was ringing worse than before, and I felt almost weaker than before as well. Lupin was there, but I couldn't remember him being here _before_ I drank the potion…fear suddenly jumped into me when I realized I couldn't remember anything, any of the questions. "Lupin," I started, but he shook his head, coming over and kneeling next to me. He looked as wavy as his voice now, like the room was swimming.

"I needed to make sure you were alright. Three nights ago, you scared me. I thought you were going to go down the same road I was. I was wrong….here." He picked me up and set me on my feet. Instantly, my face twisted as muscles tensed and pain flared, making me lean tiredly against the wall as the walls spun. Lupin looked vivid again, like he had when he learned about the potions incident. "I'll get you downstairs, so you can heal." He extended an arm for me to take, but I hesitated.

"What about Draco?" I asked, glancing at him once, but looking right back at Lupin, too tired to flush at his answers to the questioning about caring for my well being and such. "Are you going to question him again?" Lupin sighed, and the sound sounded far away.

"Yes, and we'll stay on topic this time. Jenny?" He asked, sounding concerned as the world went to slow mow. Everything looked like it had been frozen in time. "Jenny, Jenny!" His shout suddenly made the world go faster than ever before, things flashed before my eyes, and I could feel myself falling.

**I'm back, and free to write for the summer. **

**blackorchestrafreak**


	19. See Who I Am

See Who I Am

_Is it true what they say,_

_Are we too blind to find the way?_

_Fear of the unknown cloud our hearts today._

_Come into my world,_

_See through my eyes._

_Try to understand,_

_Don't want to lose what we have_

Draco

9/6/10

11:45 p.m.

When Jenny fell, I went to leap up and found that I couldn't, my joints wouldn't even bend; they were tied down to tightly. Lupin had incredibly fast reflexes, and he caught her and scooped her up before she could hit the floor again. She barely fit in his arms, she was so tall. "I'm going to murder Kingsley the next time I see him!" Mrs. Weasley said fiercely as she ran to get the door for Lupin. Watching her go was agonizing. She was totally limp, her long blond ponytail almost brushing the floor as her head rolled lightly with Lupin's step. Her face was peaceful for once, totally clear of emotion; she was gorgeous. He vanished down the stairs, and I felt anxious for her once more. Why did she black out? Was she alright, hurt, injured? Tonks pointed her wand at me and thankfully, the rope vanished and I rubbed my wrists, my skin covered in angry red marks from the bonds.

"Last time, and then we'll review your answers and make a decision." She said almost sympathetically, and I took the potion from her.

"We'll she be alright? Jenny?" I asked, relishing the feeling of knowing her name. When she had answered her question through the Veritasereum, it had surprised me, but made me feel much better. Tonks sighed, looking slightly worried herself.

"I hope so, she's been through enough. Drink." She ordered, and with a sigh, I took Veritasereum again; the empty feeling came back once more. "What was your O.W.L. score for potions?"

"Outstanding."

"Why would you want to make potions for the Order?"

"Because I don't want to leave here and return to Dark Magic. I could at least help Jenny and the Order while I'm here."

"Do you want to hurt Harry Potter?"

"He's an asshole, but I don't want to kill him."

"Do you want to cause anyone here harm?"

"Kingsley Shacklebolt." Someone laughed darkly.

"Do you love Jenny Quinty?"

"Yes."

Jenny

9/7/10

1:23 a.m.

When I opened my eyes, I was back in my room, tucked into my bed. Lupin was reading a book, sitting against my desk. As if from a dream, everything came back. The lies, beating up Malfoy. His interrogation, Kingsley's attack, taking the Veritasereum, feeling like I was falling away, hands catching me…I sat straight up in bed and regretted it. I was back to the beginning again, sore and hurting. Lupin started at my sudden movement and got up, setting his book down. "Jenny, are you feeling alright?" he asked carefully, coming to stand beside the bed as I gritted my teeth, reclining.

"A little confused…what happened? Where's Kingsley?" I asked carefully, wincing when I said his name. Fucking git.

"He's being tracked down to have his memory modified, but he's been hard to find. We accidentally let him go without safeguarding our location and you. I don't blame Arthur, no one does; we would have done the same thing in that situation." Lupin rubbed his face tiredly. I sighed and closed my eyes, my brain overloaded again.

"What if he is selling us out? Grimmauld Place probably isn't safe anymore." I said quietly, starting to rub my temples. My head was still ringing slightly, and my mouth felt dry just thinking about Kingsley. I hadn't known him for long, but everyone had held him in high esteem, they had let him become the leader of the Order after Moody died, and I had assumed that everyone treated him with that much respect. How wrong I was.

"He hasn't had the time to, we've been keeping him on the run. We won't let him send a message, and if he does, we'll intercept it. As long as the Ministry doesn't find out, we're hoping that we can find him and modify his memory. As for what you've missed, Draco's interrogation was finished, and Tonks and Mrs. Weasley are going over his answers, even though they left no room for error with the questions." I felt my heart swell slightly, would Lupin and I both be able to take the potion and be safe?

"So he'll be making us potions?" I asked, opening my eyes. Lupin hesitated, looking at me strangely. Something in his gaze made me feel the undeniable need to defend myself. "Ok, let me get this straight, I didn't trick him into anything, I just went up there after every mission and ended up getting a little moody up there, it provided me some privacy. He was just there." Lupin laughed softly at my defensive tone.

"You don't need to explain yourself, you already did."

"I-wait, what? You asked me that? How many questions did you ask?" I sat up in bed, suddenly remembering that I had been questioned. I remembered Draco's questions, but none of my own. What had he found out? Lupin put a gentle hand on my arm.

"Relax, Jenny. Yes, we asked you questions about Malfoy, to clear your name. He didn't learn much more about you, just your name, how you felt at certain times…Oh, Jenny," Lupin sighed, seeing me pale as he mentioned my name, "He's on our side now, he has every right to know who you are. I applaud your efforts so far on keeping your identity a secret, but it doesn't matter anymore." Lupin said earnestly. I looked at him.

"The guy _likes_ me; don't you think that's an occupational hazard?" Lupin laughed lightly.

"Jenny, he won't hurt you." He chuckled, but I shook my head fiercely, somewhere feeling glad that my head felt back to normal already.

"No, I meant for him. I'm a werewolf! What if it's more than just a crush, I mean, what if he's stupid enough to follow us, and I attack him and," Lupin's face had frozen as I ranted, "and, what if I kill him, or _bite him._" I stopped cold at the thought. I had seen my new teeth in the mirror, with the elongated canines. I _hated _it. I couldn't imagine them passing through someone's flesh. But I couldn't picture myself as a wolf biting someone either. I knew I wouldn't recognize anyone, but what would I do when I woke up in the morning?

"Jenny," Lupin started finally, his voice hoarse, "I've been mulling that over my whole life about women I've liked, or women that have liked me. It's always put me off; I don't have an answer for you. I'm actually surprised that he would like you, Hermione always said he was a bit of a arrogant shit." He said humorlessly, trying to change the subject. He looked miserable about our topic, and I felt bad for bringing it up.

"Speaking of the arrogant shit, where is he now?" I asked, changing the subject for Lupin. He shot me a tiny grateful look and continued.

"He's still in the attic. Once the Order approves him, he'll get a room. Until then, he's still a prisoner." I frowned, thinking about the blond wizard in the attic. He was going to be a problem. His answers to the questions about caring for me had thrown me off completely; it was like finding out a guy liked me at school, but the first time I had ever heard of a boy liking me. It invoked the same kind of over-thinking panic. That reminded me of Brian, my boyfriend, and I shoved the memory of his face viciously away. I couldn't do that, not now. That was the past.

"What did you ask him about the second time?" I asked, and Lupin shook his head a little, looking weary. I silently plead for him to answer, to distract me.

"We asked him about his experience in Potion Making, cleaned up the issue that Kingsley brought about, and that was it. Really." Lupin emphasized at my expression of mild disbelief. I could feel the that Lupin was keeping something from me, judging by the way he looked away from me, looking deep in thought. What did he ask Draco, and what did Draco say to give him that kind of a reaction? Knowing that Lupin wouldn't tell me, I sighed and flipped back the covers. Lupin helped me out of bed, holding me steady as I regained my balance. I was surprised that he hadn't objected to me getting up, but he knew that I had a high pain tolerance. But I didn't need that tolerance now, I didn't feel bad at all.

"I know this is going to sound sick, but it wasn't as bad as a night after being a wolf. I'm not that sore anymore," I said honestly, stretching. My muscles felt like I had worked out intensely the day before, but the weren't hurting with each step I took. Lupin let go of my arm and I briskly jogged down the hall and back. "Lupin, I'm _fine!_" I insisted, seeing the look on his face. He ignored me and helped me down the steps to the kitchen anyway, and Mrs. Weasley almost jumped out of her skin when she saw me.

"Merlin's beard, what are _you_ doing up!" She exclaimed, hurrying over and cupping my face, smoothing my hair obsessively. It was down at the moment, someone had freed it from the ponytail, and it came past my elbows. I was lucky that my hair was fine, if it was any thicker I would have had to cut it short for karate. Sometimes I put weighted stones in it and used my hair as a weapon too. But I usually never wore my hair down, it felt strange.

"Mrs. Weasley, I'm _fine_." I stressed, patting her arm reassuringly. She reminded me too much of my mother when she was worried about me, which seemed like she was all the time. "I was just a little dizzy in the attic, I felt well enough to run a bit, and I'm _fine._" I accentuated the fine as Mrs. Weasley looked unconvinced. "Where is everyone?" I changed the subject, standing even when she offered me a seat.

"Diggle and Jones are currently after Kingsley. Tonks is upstairs somewhere, and Arthur is taking a nap." She said after a moment of studying me a bit more closely. "Oh, Tonks." Mrs. Weasley said, and I spun around, ready to defend myself against Tonks, who got emotional fast, despite her usual sarcastic manner. When it came to people she loved getting hurt or even sore, she usually flipped out.

"Why are you up?" She cried, running over from the doorway, like she expected me to fall, hugging me tight, and surprising me into laughing as she picked me up with the force of her hug. "_Merlin_, you still look pale," She continued, setting me down and pulling a Mrs. Weasley, cupping my face and smoothing my hair, patting my shoulders, her hair turning all sorts of shades in her panic.

"Tonks, I'm fine, honestly. It was just a bump on the head," several people in the kitchen yelled out contradictory statements to that fact, and I sighed. "Ok, sorry, my mistake, I'm gravely injured and could be dying at any second- I'm in so much pain, and I'm fainting!" I said dramatically, pretending to faint, making Tonks catch me, thinking I actually was, making me laugh harder in her grasp.

"Don't do that!" Tonks chided half angrily, half chuckling herself, setting me upright again, and swatting me on the arm. A sudden movement in the doorway to the kitchen made me turn again, and the smile slid right off my face in surprise. Draco was standing in the doorway, silently watching us, well, me actually. His eyes caught mine, and his gaze made me want to shiver. He looked amused, but his eyes were so…_pretty._ It surprised me, how gorgeous the swirling pools of silver actually were. His gaze got more and more intense on mine, and right before they started to smolder deeply, Mrs. Weasley saved me.

"Blimey, Tonks, when were you going to tell me that you let him out!" Mrs. Weasley had caught my gaze and jumped at the sight of him. Thankfully, she snapped me back to my senses, and I looked away from him, suddenly glad my hair was down. It gave me some cover from his piercing and loaded gaze. I knew what he wanted, he wanted to talk to me. Well, he wasn't going to get anywhere with that gaze, even though it threw me hard, my mind going blank, Shit, shit, _shit-_

"Sorry! I got distracted by little Miss Karate here." Tonks ruffled my hair affectionately, and I ducked quickly out of her grasp, trying to keep myself from staying as pale as I now was. When I had seen him, all the blood left my face drained, and Mrs. Weasley would certainly send me back upstairs if she saw me looking so 'peaky'.

"Do you remember the karate part about that name, Tonks?" I asked mildly, trying to act normally and finally succeeding. _He wasn't here. He wasn't here. He __**isn't**__ here._

Tonks put on a face of mock fear. "Oh no, little Miss Karate is going to beat me up! Egad!" She said dramatically, cupping her face, starting to laugh at my expression, yet trying to keep up her act. "Help me Mrs. Weasley, help me!" Tonks dashed ungratefully over to Mrs. Weasley and tripped, almost falling, and I laughed so hard, I cried, leaning on my knees. Tonks scowled at me as she steadied herself on the counter. Lupin was laughing too, and Mrs. Weasley was chuckling as she patted Tonks on the shoulder. "Oh, shut it all of you," she said lightly, and went to sit down at the table, snagging a butterbeer. After a prod from Mrs. Weasley, I reluctantly sat too. Standing felt better, but I wasn't about to argue with her.

To distract everyone from her fall, Tonks made me try butterbeer. She watched me eagerly as I took a sip and I felt my eyes widen in surprise. It was light and delicious, not what I had expected at all. Tonks crowed as I grinned at her, and she made herself look like me, and mimicked me dancing around the kitchen at the taste of the butterbeer. Pulling me up to dance too, so that two Jenny's were moving around the kitchen, one a lot more gracefully than the other. Tonks dipped me, and of course, tripped again, drenching me in butterbeer and dropping me on the kitchen floor. "Nice one, Tonks." Mrs. Weasley said dryly, flicking her wand at me, and I was suddenly dry, but smelled overpoweringly like butterbeer. Tonks helped me up, blushing furiously.

"I'd give that one a ten out of ten. Don't do anything super crazy while I clean up, ok?" I asked her, and she stuck her tongue out at me. It was weird seeing myself, or rather, how she saw me. Apparently, my hair was perfectly straight with a healthy sheen, and I was tall lean and fit. My face was perfectly clear, with green-blue eyes that seemed to always be filled with emotion, whether it was teasing, happy or sad. I tore my gaze away from Tonks and walked past Draco, and I wasn't surprised to hear him follow me.

I hadn't even put my foot on the first step when he spoke, "Could I have a word?"


	20. The Cross

The Cross

_You refuse to see, you're denying me_

_the cross I bear but you don't seem to care_

_Even Judas knew he had lied_

Jenny

9/7/10

10:49 a.m.

I turned back around and sat on the steps, waiting for him to talk. This was the worst situation I could have imagined, I was still slightly flushed, a little stiff yet, and smelt overwhelmingly like butterbeer. He pondered me for a moment, then the smirk Hermione had mentioned so frequently suddenly appeared across his face. I felt my heart speed up slightly. I didn't know how to react to such a smirk, with anger or…_or what?_ "How are you, Jenny?" He asked, obviously triumphant that he knew my name.

"Pretty dandy at the moment." I said lightly, resting my cheek in my hand, watching him. Why did his blond little head get in mine so quickly?

"Well, I wanted to ask you a favor," he said after a intense minute of us staring at each other. I was trying to understand why he had started to like me. "Could you tell me what they asked me the first time? About…us?" He suddenly looked awkward, and I frowned. He had mentioned us as if we were a couple.

"They asked you if I ever told you any secrets, if I beat you up, etc." I said calmly. I wasn't going to let him have such a strange affect on me. I had more important things to think about. Mr. Weasley had refused to take me to the Ministry today, so I was stuck at Grimmauld Place again, being stalked by this guy. Yippee. Malfoy looked determined as he asked me another question.

"You're treating me differently now. Did they ask me if…if," He chickened out, and took a deep breath, but I beat him to it, standing up.

"They asked you if you cared about me, and you said yes, if that's what you're wondering. That's why I'm 'treating you differently', because it's creepy and it's dangerous." I meant to say it harshly, but it came out emotionless. He raised an eyebrow.

"I don't understand."

"You were a prisoner of war. I was a spy for your enemy. You getting a…crush on me was kind of creepy. And it's dangerous for you, and for me."

"I'm not dangerous, and neither are you." I glared at him, furious that he was being so calm about the fact that he practically wanted to protect me, like his _girlfriend_ or something.

"Um, _hello?_ I'm a werewolf if you haven't noticed." I pointed to the bite visible on my neck, and he flinched. "And even if you don't like it and was forced into it, you still know Dark Magic, and I'm a Muggle." I said sarcastically, and his look of security fell right off his face.

"_I said that?_ What else did they ask me for, my robe maker?" He looked thunderstruck, like that had been private. It was, but it wasn't anymore.

"Did you think they weren't going to ask you anything they've ever wanted to know? This is Kingsley we are talking about here, and I couldn't exactly come to your aid." He paled further as I mentioned that, and I glared at the floor, remembering. I couldn't help but wonder what Draco must have thought when he 'woke up' and found _that_ scene before his eyes.

"That's another thing I meant to ask you, what the hell was that about?" He sounded so pissed off and confused I laughed bitterly, shaking my head and meeting his gaze.

"They asked you questions that revealed to him that I hadn't been beating you up all this time. He assumed I had been telling you things, so he tied me up. Then when they asked you about what we talked about, I told you not to answer, and he silenced me somehow. The rest you already know." I said flatly.

"So you were kind of protecting my honor?" He asked, sounding surprised. I felt a slight flush brush my face.

"You had a right to some privacy, Kingsley was going to ask you things nobody, not even your family would have asked of you. I did it to try to save my ass too." The look on his face suddenly gave me an idea. "What did they ask me, besides my name and the thing about the transformations?" I asked quickly, before he could make fun of me again in his cocky manner.

"They asked if you liked me or not." He stared at me intensely, leaning forward to see my reaction, and seemed almost pleased when my eyes widened in surprise. Of course he would say that, yet somehow, I knew he wasn't lying.

"Well, w-what did I say?" I asked stupidly, sitting back down and holding my head. Why the bloody hell would they ask _that?_ Malfoy had shown the interest, not me. I mean, if I could break his pinkie finger without another thought…

"You said you didn't know." Draco said, and I frowned, lifting my head and staring down the hallway, trying to think. Obviously, my brain knew things I hadn't grasped and accepted yet. He looked almost impatient, like he was waiting for me to either accept or deny him.

"I _didn't_ _know._" I repeated quietly, thinking hard. What did that mean? That I'd like him in the future? That I would never like him? "What the bloody hell does that mean?" I asked myself quietly, meaning for it to be rhetorical.

"When you figure it out, I'd like to know too." He said smarmily, and I glared at him as he raised an eyebrow at me, as if to innocently ask me what he did wrong.

"You're too damn cocky for your own good, you know that? And hitting on me after less then 24 hours of me knowing that you 'care for me?' What does that mean anyway, Draco? When you figure it out, I'd like to know." I snapped, and started up the stairs, and he followed me, grinning. Determined to wipe the look off his face, I ignored him.

"Why don't you like me? I want to help you," he said, sounding suddenly sincere, throwing me for a minute. Why he could throw me so quickly and deeply eluded me, irritated me.

"Help all you like, Draco. That doesn't mean I'll fall on my knees in gratitude. Thank you for wanting to help me and making the potions that will keep me _and Lupin_ sane during the full moon. Unfortunately, you won't be doing a whole lot of helping this time around; the full moon is in nine days." Draco stopped dead, but I kept walking. Eventually, he jogged to meet back up with me and caught my arm before I could walk into the bathroom, making me freeze.

"_What?_ I thought I had more time! You can't just go out there again without a potion!" His panicked state actually made him seem cute…_DAMN YOU DRACO MALFOY FOR GETTING IN MY HEAD WITH THAT SHIT!_ _Ugh!_ _He is not attractive. He is a cocky git who is probably just a perv. He is not cute in any way, shape or form. Never mind that he is attractive, muscular and clever…DAMN!_

I turned to face him, and our noses were almost touching. I was just a few inches shorter than him, but I could still get in his face. His eyes started to smolder, but I ignored it. "One, that's creepy, stop it, Two, don't tell me what to do, Three, I've done it before, and Four, let go of me before I punch you in the balls. I smell like butterbeer and I want a shower." I said calmly, and when he instantly recoiled, looking surprised, yet mischievous, like he wanted to play with me further, I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door in his face. _I win, Draco Malfoy. Two can play that game._

When I stepped out of the shower, fully expecting to have to kick him repeatedly to get to my room and have some peace, I was surprised to not find him in the hallway. Only when I was dressed did I smell the smoke coming from a few doors down. I walked to that room and found (unpleasantly) that Malfoy would be living a few doors away from mine. Also, he was brewing a potion. He looked intensely dedicated to what he was doing, and determined. I glanced at a book open on a tiny desk from the doorway and saw that it was open to the Wolfsbane Potion. "Damn it Malfoy, why the hell are you trying? It takes half a month to brew that potion, not nine days. And I'd give it to Lupin anyway, there are only a few left." Malfoy jumped at my voice, but glared at me over the hazy room.

"Half a month from now would be a few weeks before the next full moon. And I'm doing this for you, Jenny." He said firmly, and I entered the room, starting to get angry as he continued with that doing things and caring for me shit. I was sitting next to him before I knew it.

"_Why?_ Why, Draco? Hey," I shook his arm when he turned back to his book, trying to ignore me. His arm was firm and muscular beneath my touch, but I banished the thought from my mind for the moment. "Damn it, now you listen to me. I. Am. A. Werewolf. I am dangerous and will never be safe, no matter how hard you try, alright? I'm a spy too, if I get caught at the Ministry, all your efforts won't matter, they'll make things worse. If I'm questioned, I'll give everything away about you, considering they probably think you're dead. When they find out that you've switched sides, you'll never be safe-" I stopped in surprise when he put a finger on my lips, stopping my rant. I was too shocked to pull away from him, and I was too full of emotion to care as he looked down into my eyes.

"I'm not going to stop caring, Jenny, no matter what you say. I had three weeks to think about the decision I've made. I'm trying to make your life better, no matter how hard it will be, alright?" He said calmly, yet with an authority I couldn't deny. He reminded me so much of Brian, it hurt, and before I knew it, tears boiled over silently. I went to clear my face, but he did it for me, looking concerned, and suddenly, I wanted his concern, I wanted him to care. "What did I say?" He said quietly, and I shook my head, and looked down, smiling into my lap. The moment was bittersweet, when he wasn't being an asshole, he was almost more caring than Brian had been. I didn't care why anymore.

"You remind me of someone I used to be close with." I whispered, closing my eyes and picturing Brian. His hair had been a sandy brown, and it curled up on humid days. His two front teeth had a slight gap between them, but it was adorable. He had been in my karate class as a Teachers Assistant, and I had kicked his ass the first day. We had been together ever since, and he had been the sweetest guy I had ever met. I remembered the last time I had heard his voice, on the phone about ten minutes before the Death Eaters attacked, telling me he was coming over to make sure I was safe home alone. What he must have found… Draco's arm around me suddenly brought me back to his slightly steamy room, the potion bubbling over the crackling fire. It made guilt go through me. Should I stay true to Brian, even though I was already dead to him?

"A family member?" he asked quietly, and I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was watching me closely, like I was fascinating, yet the caring sense of his gaze reminded me of Brian even more.

"A boyfriend. His name was Brian, and when you're not being cocky, you remind me so much of him it's crazy. He was a Teacher's Assistant at the place I was learning Karate. I kicked his ass, and we became really good friends, then he asked me out, and we were a good fit. You're so like him…" I sighed, watching the fire, wondering why he always somehow knew how to make me spill just enough to make me feel better. I gave up trying to understand why Draco liked me, and focused on the suddenly apparent fact that he had an arm around me again.

I considered shrugging him off. I had done it before, I could do it again. I could also stay the way I was, just sitting there, but I didn't want to do that either. While I was mulling over whether or not I should lean into him, he moved his arm off of me, obviously catching on. Without thinking, I leaned into his side and felt much better. It didn't seem too much like he was more than a friend, but it showed him that I was starting to care. "I can never apologize enough for what I let happen." He said, and threw something into the cauldron, making the substance inside suddenly turn grey. It was exactly the same color as the moon, and it made me shiver slightly.

"You don't need to apologize. I heard enough explaining from you yesterday." Malfoy looked slightly annoyed, but looked over at me looking slightly apprehensive.

"How much did I actually say?" He asked, and I sighed before quoting him the best I could.

"'Because I was getting bored and desperate in the attic. I felt terrible about what I had let Greyback do; I wanted to somehow try to make amends.' You also said something about if you didn't join the Death Eaters, they'd kill you." As soon as I said it, I hated the idea, I felt more protective.

"They would have. At least you understand part of the mess." He said almost moodily. "Part of making these potions is a weak attempt to make amends to you, even though I can't ever replace what you had with this Brian fellow." He looked so depressed, I acted instinctively, and I pulled him up with me to a standing position and hugged him. Partly because he looked like he needed a hug, and partly because I certainly did. He returned it almost instantly, and the feeling of being in between strong arms and an equally strong chest was almost better than what Brian had given me.

**I'm so sorry. I forgot to update before I went camping, so I left you hanging. I promise to update more!**

**blackorchestrafreak**


	21. It's The Fear

**I'd just like to give a big thanks to Psay for your excellent reviews. You pointed out stuff I didn't even notice! Thank you for all of your reviews.**

It's The Fear

_I fear who I am becoming,_

_I feel that I am losing the struggle within._

_I can no longer restrain it,_

_My strength it is fading,_

_I have to give in._

Jenny

9/16/10

4:25 p.m.

Despite the lingering threat of Kingsley destroying everything that had built up around me, my days leading up to the full moon had been some of the happiest I had ever had in Grimmauld Place. Even though Draco insisted that we could be together, I kept denying him, and got more and more introverted as the full moon came closer and closer. Every night, I would sit on the front step, still within the protective barriers of Grimmauld Place and watch the moon get larger and larger. Death Eaters watched the place where Grimmauld Place would have been from across the street with dark faces, and I watched them in between watching the moon.

Draco, after finally opening up to me more, had worked like a madman, preparing potions of all kinds, healing potions, large stocks of the tea that helped with stiffness, and of course, the Wolfsbane Potion. But it was too little too late, the potion needed another week and six days, and the moon would come in two hours or so. To avoid his self-fury and pleas to take a Wolfsbane Potion, I had escaped to the attic, lying on the floor, trying to pinpoint each second of a transformation, trying to find the point where I lost who I was. First, the shock of the moonlight, then the ice cold pricking of every cell in the body. The fear dimming away as your body elongates, humps and stretches, busting through clothing. Somewhere in there, you lost yourself to the wolf.

"Jenny…are you ready to leave?" Lupin asked almost reluctantly from the doorway, and I sat up, trying to smile but failing miserably. I didn't answer him, just got up and followed him downstairs. Draco was waiting, anxiously tapping his foot on the floor by the door. He looked tortured; absolutely miserable. I picked up my bag with the change of clothes, and put on my boots, then my coat. Only when I faced the door did I drop my bag and hug Draco back when he wrapped me securely in his arms. I wanted to give in to him, to agree for us to be closer, but every time he reminded me of Brian, I felt like a dirty whore going after another guy so quickly.

"See you tomorrow." He said, keeping our promise not to tell each other to stay safe; that was out the window already. I smiled and lightly kissed his cheek before one last quick hug. Then I was out the door and Apparating with Lupin to the forest I remembered. He left me in the clearing with a quick hug and the growing darkness. Once it got completely dark, I stripped down, then folded the clothes and put them in the bag too. I didn't want to shred them. Then I sat in the center of the clearing, thinking about Ron, Hermione, Harry, the twins, all the Aurors at the Order of the Phoenix, the Weasley's, and finally…Draco and Brian. As soon as I thought about them, bits of moonlight started to break through the clouds, touching the ground a few feet away. I watched that moonlight, watched it get closer and closer until its icy coldness touched my skin.

…

I greeted the moon again, howling gratefully to it, feeling alive. The forest welcomed me back like an old friend, and I could smell where I had been last. Other scents and smells mixed into the dark bracken that I bounded through, thinking less about the moon this time, and more on my boundaries. These were my woods to protect. I started rubbing against trees, leaving fur and scent to scare creatures away. I was scenting another tree when a scent came across the breeze, making me crouch and listen, sniffing the air. It was another wolf. I silently started to stalk it, finding paw prints. I was determined to find it and get it out of my space. Standing on the top of a tiny cliff, I could see it lapping at a stream with its back to me.

Springing, I tackled the other wolf and when it wiggled away in surprise, I growled fiercely at it. It was definitely a male, but _not_ mating material. He had strong muscles and sharp teeth, but his short brown hair was getting silver patches in it, showing that he was old, weak. It just watched me, looking desperate and yipped quietly, holding its head low, but not backing off like I wanted him to. I jumped him again, and we tumbled down the stream, biting and scratching. Every time he tried to pull away, it made me angrier. Suddenly, he started to really fight back, and my fur tingled at the thought of a challenge, it made me happy. Maybe he could prove himself worthy enough to be a companion.

His moves were unexpected, but they wouldn't hurt me. So he was playing with me? I'd show him, show him who was dominant here. Growling, teeth bared, I faked him out and bit his leg, but in a move that stunned me, he kicked out, sending me barreling down the ravine, yelping in pain when something in my front leg broke. The wolf cautiously poked his head around the corner of a rock, and I snarled at him, getting up but holding my hurt arm up. I'd show him, this was _my_ territory, I wasn't about to let it go without a fight. The wolf bolted, and I gave chase, bounding easily on his tail, even with three legs. I wanted to use all four to catch him, so I did.

As soon as I set the foot down, something else cracked, making my paws tangle together and I rolled off into the trees, down a steep hill, crashing against boulders and fallen trees until I flopped down into a tiny clearing. My roll finally finished, and suddenly, I was howling in agony, my paw caught in something sharp and crushing, holding my already hurt paw tight as something crunched. I sniffed it cautiously, winded and now bleeding. It smelt like humans, and it wouldn't come off. I licked continuously at my wound as it bled heavily until I was sleepy again, the rolling waves of pain helping me fall into sleep, the other wolf and my territory forgotten…

…

I woke up gasping for air. I was in a weird position, my right arm sticking out awkwardly next to my face, and as my vision focused, I could see that it was stained red. _Red?_ I went to sit up and screamed. My ribs were throbbing enough to make me move a scratched and sore left arm to feel with trembling fingers around them, and I felt something pushing against the surface of my skin, and I knew it was a rib. I looked up farther, and knew my arm was broken, two white bone tips were sticking out of different parts of my arm, and my right wrist was stuck in a bear trap of all things. I didn't try to move it, at least not yet, anyway. Instead, I tried to remember what had happened last night that made me injured so gravely. Blood was still slowly falling off of my fingertips into a disturbingly large pool of blood, I had broken bones... I knew I had fallen down a steep decline, and I had been chasing something…

_The older, stronger male, with the brown hair with silver patches…_

No, _god _no! I had attacked Lupin. I had _attacked _him, my father figure, my friend. The only one who knew what it was like for me. Was he hurt as bad as me? Was he _dead?_

My thoughts tortured me as I listened carefully, not daring to move after trying a second time and almost blacked out from the pain. My wrist was almost flattened by the trap, and I couldn't move because of my ribs to find the release. Even if I did find it, I wouldn't be able to force it down enough, I didn't have the strength. So I was forced to wait, listening hopefully and tearfully for Lupin, to know that I hadn't killed him. In the mean time, I checked over the parts of my body I could see for other injuries, and saw tons of new bites, but bigger ones, actual wolf ones, along with huge sets of scratches definitely made by claws. I filled with self hate. This had been the last time I would go without the Wolfsbane Potion, and I attacked Lupin. _Why?_ I had been so, _so_ close to never having this problem.

I thought of Draco, of everyone at the Order as the sun rose higher in the sky and as my spirits and energy sank lower. I had promised to see him in the morning. What if Lupin was dead, how would I ever get back? I knew the answer; I wouldn't, at least, not in time. I could feel the brokenness inside to know that I wasn't just bleeding onto the forest floor. Even if the Order members came, they could do much if I was dead. The clearing seemed to shimmer as the sun rose higher. My rib was slowly sliding forward, threatening to push through my skin and making me pant when it shot pain to my head, making me dizzy.

I think I slept for awhile. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. It was hard to tell.

Finally, I thought I heard something running through the woods, a quiet noise that was getting louder and louder, and it sounded frantic. My head felt hot as the sound reached my pounding ears. "JENNY!" A hoarse voice was bellowing over and over again, and it clicked in my brain that it was Lupin, he was alive! I raised my head and blearily took in the edges of my vision. He sounded like he was getting closer. "_Jenny, where are you?"_ He called, sounding distraught, tortured.

"Lupin," I whispered, meaning to yell his name, but the dryness of my voice from all the howling the night before ruined my plan. "Lupin," I croaked at a normal voice level, unable to move or make much noise other than that. I heard him limping closer, following the tracks, and then the skid marks. I heard him stop, and I knew this was it, either he heard me, or I'd surely never be found. "_Lupin?"_ I called fuzzily, my voice cracking, and I heard him swear, then he was skidding down the ravine. I closed my eyes, feeling like I was floating as I heard him running over.

"Jenny! Jenny, Jenny, look at me right now!" Lupin was suddenly next to me, calling me, and I made myself open my eyes and meet his gaze. His face was unfocused and misting around the edges as he held up my head.

"_Lupin_," I breathed almost silently as I saw him draw his wand with a trembling hand. "_I'm…sorry._" I apologized as he moved around me to the trap. After a agonizing moment and a sick screech of metal on bone, the trap freed my wrist, and it fell, sending pain zinging up my broken arm, making me choke.

"Jenny, hold on, alright? This will hurt a little," His voice was trembling more so than his hands, and my wrist setting made me whimper when I didn't want to scream. "Almost there, Jenny, I'm almost done," Lupin sounded like he was convincing himself more than me, and he pointed his wand at my arm.

I screamed, I couldn't help it, and my ribs cracked further from the expansion of my lungs, making me stiffen and start to feel cold, the scream abruptly stopping. I could feel where it pushed through the skin, and a sudden warmth blossomed around my stomach, and I could hear the blood starting to pool already. I could feel blood coming up my throat too, staining my lips red, the disgusting taste filling my mouth. All the blood I had been bleeding out inside was finally coming out as I gasped for air with difficulty. Suddenly, I was biting back a scream with a whimper as he fixed my ribs, then moved down to one of my feet, fixing something down there with a sick snap. I was too far gone to react to the pain.

"Jenny, look at me." Lupin's voice was suddenly back, and his face flickered as I opened my fluttering lids. "Jenny, are you hurt anywhere else?" He looked like something inside him had been destroyed, he looked so tormented. I felt my face twist as I knew that I was responsible for what died inside him. I had made him promise. He hadn't hurt me that much, but he would take responsibility for everything.

"My heart is breaking," I whispered, feeling delirious as I started to feel tears snaking down my face, stinging in cuts I couldn't imagine yet. I hurt everywhere, it made me want to almost throw up or pass out, but I gave myself another option-to stay with Lupin, stay awake at least until everyone could see that I was alright. "Lupin, I _hurt_ you," I gasped as he picked me up effortlessly, despite the fact that I knew I had bit and scratched him for all I was worth.

"Jenny, I hurt you so much more." He Apparated to the clearing, and wrapped me up in a blanket.

"I'm a monster," I whispered as I saw a huge scratch almost outlining his collarbone, and it disappeared inside his shirt. He Apparated without answering, and as soon as he shut the door to Grimmauld Place, he was shouting.

"We need help!" he bellowed to the seemingly empty house. "Someone call Madam Pompfrey, _now!"_ His voice was terrible as he ascended the steps as people burst from doorways as he made it to the landing.

"Oh, _Merlin,_" I heard Tonks cry out when she saw us, and Lupin kicked open the door to my room without waiting for someone to open it. Someone pulled back the bed-covers, and that's when I realized the world was like a slide show. My lids were fluttering out of my control, and with each blink, I felt myself losing the battle to stay awake. I heard feet flying down the stairs and bursting into the room. Then a hand was shaking, but tenderly stroking the side of my face.

I finally registered that Draco was next to me, looking down at me. I knew this would kill him, he would hate himself forever now. "Out of my way!" I heard Madam Pompfrey snap suddenly, and he vanished. "I set the breaks, but I didn't trust myself to heal them," I barely heard Lupin say. I heard a sigh, and then a warm but bony hand pulled out the arm that had been caught, and I cried out quietly, finally controlling my eyes to keep them open. Madam Pompfrey muttered something, and I choked silently, a gentle set of hands holding me lightly still as I arched and tensed up. It felt like my arm was being beaten repeatedly. My voice couldn't project anymore, and that's what was killing me. It hurt more than when Lupin had set them in the woods. The combined pain from what I had done and my body made the moment unbearable.

I could see Draco a ways down the bed, watching me with a horrified, hurt expression, and I couldn't say anything to him. The world seemed to have gone silent as our eyes locked. I remembered the determination I had always seen from him, and I fought down my last bit of resolve and used it to meet his gaze that way as best as I could. I felt Madam Pompfrey's wand tip on my wrist, and his gaze vanished as my eyes closed and my body bucked weakly and twisted slowly and fruitlessly in someone's grasp as my wrist began to expand to its normal shape again. "Dra-co-" My throat managed to whisper out quietly, painfully too. Not a moment afterwards, two strong hands had captured my free, uninjured shaking hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. My wrist stopped hurting, I could give in now, it was over…


	22. Let's Dance To Joy Division

Let's Dance To Joy Division

_Let's dance to joy division,_

_And celebrate the irony,_

_Everything is going wrong,_

_But were so happy,_

_Let's dance to joy division,_

_And raise our glass to the ceiling,_

_'Cos this could all go so wrong,_

_But we're so happy._

…

Draco

9/17/10

2:19 p.m.

She looked awful. Her lips were still stained a bright, terrible red from the blood that had been all over her arm, her face, everywhere. Her face was ashen and pale, her eyes wandering aimlessly under slightly fluttering lids. Her face had been filed with harsh scrapes, bruises and cuts, but Madam Pompfrey had managed to heal all of them, and the ten minutes she took to get all of them all over her body was the ten longest minutes of my life. Lupin and I had sat in silence outside the door. He looked empty and half dead, staring unblinkingly at the floor. He had refused anything Madam Pompfrey could do for him until Jenny was sorted.

Mrs. Weasley had done it instead, in the ten minutes we had to wait for Madam Pompfrey to finish. He was covered in bites and scratches, and I couldn't grasp the fact that Jenny had inflicted them. I couldn't grasp that she had even lived, and that Lupin had found her, healed her, and gotten her back while being hurt himself. I couldn't think of a way to thank him. If Jenny had died out there…I would have lost the girl I loved, I knew that much.

I sat with Jenny, watching her, staying with her. I couldn't think of anything else to do. I had heard Lupin describe in a shaky voice what had happened, and what his guess was as to how she had ended up in the trap. He had worked as hard as he could to stay away from her, so that he wouldn't have to hurt her more. Their story set a horribly moved feeling over the house. I tried not to imagine it, even though he had described it clearly, the long haired, fierce ash blond wolf, baring its teeth…

I only left her side to check the potions, and to make a Blood-Replenishing Potion that Madam Pompfrey had gently tipped down her elegant throat. She had gone from dead looking to ashen, so it must have helped. I could still remember the feeling of her lips against my cheek, her sorrowful goodbye. This is why I wanted her to take the Wolfsbane Potion. This is why I had to make the potions constantly, so that this would never, _ever_, happen again. "D-Draco," Her voice made me leap half a league and made my head snap up to look at her. She looked exhausted and was still ashen, but she was awake. Her voice was broken and coarse, but to me, it was beautiful. "I-"

"Shhh," I said quickly, my own voice slightly hoarse from lack of use. "It's alright, Jenny," I moved up further to lightly stroke her face. Her skin was ice cold.

"I'm s-so s-s-sorry-y," She whispered. "A-as s-s-soon as I w-wo-woke up, I k-knew," Her face was filled with anguish, and I couldn't imagine trying to remember if I had attacked a love one or not, and then not being able to go and find out. The unfairness of the whole situation made me want to shiver.

"Let me get Lupin," I insisted, and called out the doorway of her room. I heard feet race from the kitchen as I came back and sat on a chair next to her left side, by her head. Lupin almost skidded into the room. He instantly came over, and she closed her eyes, forehead faintly creasing.

"You kept y-your p-promise. I-I'm s-so so-sorry. B-but it w-was n-neccesary." She whispered as Lupin took her hand into one of his. Her fingernails still had dark red blood under them from their fight, along with dirt. Her hand was as ashen as her face.

"Never again," Lupin croaked, his face terrible. "Never, _ever_ again."

"I-it was b-b-better me than you." She breathed, and Lupin held her hand tightly, his face twisting.

"That is not true, that is _not_ true." He said as earnestly as he could, to distraught to try to convince her clearly.

"The t-trap was an accident; i-it wasn't y-your fault. I f-fell down the hill, it was a c-coincidence."

"It never should have happened." I said quietly, and she lightly shook her head.

"This is w-why we can never be together. W-when I w-was a w-wolf, I _wanted_ to hurt Lupin. It's w-wrong, everything is wrong." I opened my mouth to contradict her, but Madam Pompfrey walked in, looking pissed off.

"I can't stay," She said stiffly, a letter crunching in her fist. "Snape is calling me back to Hogwarts already, and he won't let me return."

"_What?"_ Lupin sat up straight, looking just as pissed off now.

"I'll leave directions for you all, but as much as I want to stay, I can't. And I can't lead them here. Her bones have healed and set, her blood levels are back to normal. All you have to do is get her strength back." Madam Pompfrey insisted, still looking furiously angry. Heat rose in my face. That slimy greasy bastard was going to get it one day. We had enough injustice and pain to go around here; we didn't need more from him.

"I-I'll be fine." Jenny insisted, raising herself up on trembling arms to recline before I could stop her. Madam Pompfrey looked at her and then quickly wiped her face and left without another word.

…

Draco

9/20/10

Jenny, although she had looked terrible that day, had spoken true. It had been long, and painful for everyone involved, but she improved slowly, until Mrs. Weasley let me carry her to my room to let her keep me company to watch me make potions. She sat on my bed, wrapped up in a blanket, watching me bottle up the new stores of Blood-Replenishing potions that she had watched me create. I had stayed with her constantly, and we had reached the slightly awkward stage of pretty much being together, but she continued to try to deny admitting it. She was afraid of herself, disgusted with herself really. Nothing we said to her would change her mind, Lupin couldn't even convince her that she was wrong.

"Draco? You've been zoning out for the past three minutes." She had scooted away from the wall and was right next to me, holding the blanket around her shoulders with one hand, an eyebrow raised. She laughed at my expression and kissed my cheek; standing up and stretching. It was good to hear her laugh, even if it was just the weak chuckle she had just shown me. She had been so down, so hard on herself.

"How did that feel?" I asked her, and she sighed, taking the blanket off of her and folding it as she thought about how to answer. I stood up when she didn't answer. "Jenny, you don't have to lie." I told her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm just a little tired, emotionally and physically. Mentally too." She said finally, putting a light arm around my waist. She was always frowning these days, and it made me ache to fix it. I kissed the top of her head slowly, unsure how to respond. I had tried everything.

"Jenny, you don't have the same mindset that you have as a wolf around me. You aren't going to randomly morph and kill us all. Lupin already admitted that he was upwind." Jenny went to pull away, but I bent my knees slightly to be perfectly on her level. "I can understand that you don't want to fully pull away from what you had, but don't let your fear of hurting us stand in your way." She sighed, looking aimlessly sideways.

"I…I think that I've accepted that. It's just the shock now I suppose. And," she swallowed, "Brian hasn't moved on, but he will. Time heals all wounds." She smiled up at me, but I could tell that it wasn't heartfelt. When she wanted to, her eyes (although usually full of the current emotion she was expressing) could hide how she really felt, but either she was too tired or she just didn't care; her eyes were almost drowning in misery.

"You and I both know that you aren't going to let this go. If you can't cheer up and move on-"

"Then what? Will I tear a hole through the universe? Stop being so dramatic."

"Jenny, I know that it's a lot to ask, and it's rude to even ask it of you. But the longer you are like this, the sadder Lupin gets." She stared at me for a moment, her expression unreadable.

"There is nothing to be happy about." She said quietly, and it was like a slap to the face. She had family, friends…I didn't want to be egotistical, but I was right here, right in front of her! "I'm a dangerous werewolf, and Kingsley is still out there, and I'll always be here. Forever." She wrapped her arms around herself, and it only added to her air of gloom and darkness.

"Then I need to give you something to be happy about." I said determinedly, and she shook her head.

"That's not your job, Draco-"

"I'm your friend, Jenny, that's what friends do."

"You're just a friend?" She asked almost on top of me, and she looked horrified, like she didn't mean to say it. Like she didn't want it to be true.

"I just want to be around you, Jenny. If that's all you are willing to accept, than that's what I'll give you." I didn't mean for it to sound so cold, but Jenny flinched as I said it.

"Wait-well, Draco…oh fuck it all." She said angrily, her expression stormy, and turned to go. Somewhere in that moment, I knew exactly what to do. I caught her arm and turned her around, then kissed her. After half a second, her lips matched the pace of mine, her arms going around my neck.

"Happier now?" I breathed when she pulled away to breathe. She flushed slightly, but the new warmth that stayed in her cheeks and made her eyes sparkle made her look happier than I had seen in a week. Next, she shivered, so I unfolded the blanket and wrapped it firmly around her shoulders. "Come on now, it's late." I said a tad mischievously, and swooped her up, making her gasp quietly, then start to laugh as we got onto the landing.

"Draco!" She laughed, and I heard noise in the kitchen stop. No one had heard Jenny laughing in almost a week. I focused in on it so much that I tripped, making her laugh harder as I spent a teetering moment between falling and gaining my balance back. To keep my balance, I spun in a little circle, then set her gently on her feet, making her blink and grab my arm.

"Show off," She chuckled, swatting my arm once she regained her balance. With her whole side unprotected. I ducked under her arm and started to tickle her, making her shriek first in surprise, but then her laughter was totally uncontrolled. I had no idea that she was so ticklish! "I'm…going to kick…your...ASS!" She squealed the last word after she dodged unsuccessfully away and I got her other side. I paused, knowing that she really could if she wanted to, and she took the opportunity to bend down and do the weirdest thing I had ever felt in my life, by squeezing the area above my kneecap. It tickled _really badly_, making me jump back with a tiny squeak, making her bend to rest her hands on her knees, laughing until she cried. "You're such a girl!" She gasped finally as I stood there totally dumfounded, but an idiot's smile stretched over my face. Thinking of nothing else to do, I ducked under her and picked her up like a sack of potatoes.

"And you are delirious with fever. Guys don't squeak." I said seriously, opening the door to her room and walking inside as she laughed.

"So you're admitting that it was a squeak, huh?"

**Yay for fluff. :D**


	23. Machine

Machine

_A world of your own_

_Hollow inside_

_Careful when worlds collide_

_I'm filling my life_

_With all it can hold_

_Carry it on with pride_

Jenny

10/1/10

4:30 p.m.

Despite my selfishness with Draco, we continued to be close. He was my light in the darkness; he gave me something to be happy about. I knew that I was twisted and ungrateful, but he made me laugh and smile. It made Lupin not feel as bad about the whole thing, even though the major injury from getting caught in the trap wasn't his fault. Neither was the fall that broke my ribs and sprained my ankle, but he wouldn't listen. Draco finished his first batch of Wolfsbane Potions, and had stored them securely in the attic. He immediately started another batch. It made all of Grimmauld Place much happier; Lupin and I wouldn't be in danger anymore. Both of us were ecstatic about the whole thing. The one hard decision that had ruined my life for the past month was completely erased by Draco.

I got better quickly, and when they still wouldn't let me spy at the Ministry, I trained harder than I ever have before. I worked everything, mind and body. Mostly, it was because I wanted to be ready to kick Kingsley into miniscule pieces and then burn them, but it was partly so that I could keep spying. Surprisingly, I had come to like spying for the Order. Doing good felt good. Time passed faster and faster. I learned how to ride a broom at the Weasley's house, and 'inherited' the old Comet Two Sixty in their gardening shed that liked to walk around sometimes on its own. Now I could travel discreetly as a Muggle, but then fly great distances on a broom. I taught the Aurors as they would swap out of the hunt for Kingsley some basic self defense and attacks they could use to take his ass down.

I wanted to join the man-hunt for him, but the Order started me out spying again when I pestered them to give me something to do. Kingsley was being followed constantly, and the Ministry still hadn't caught me yet. Draco highly disapproved of the whole thing, but I had to earn my keep, whether he liked it or not. That's what I was currently doing, sitting once more on the floor in a Ministry official's office, some Death Eater, taking notes behind a rather ugly and bushy potted plant. He was my favorite one to spy on, Travers something or other, because he used a Quik Quotes Quill and spoke out loud, leaving me free to take notes instead of trying to steal important documents that would be missed faster than Snape running away from shampoo. Even though his office was the best to spy in, the topic was the worst. He was in charge of all the attacks and imprisoning of Muggle Borns. We had started a pretty efficient channel of information, starting with me. I would write down all the names of families that were going to be brought in, I would send them out on owls as soon as I got back to the Order, and most of them would be able to escape in time, leaving the Ministry pissed off because they could never catch them.

I got out of the Ministry as soon as I could. After rushing home and sending out the owls, I plopped onto the couch next to Draco, who was reading some important looking Potions textbook. Even though Mr. Weasley and I had gotten home as fast as we could, I knew some families would be caught before the message could reach them. How could I have a constant flow of information that wizards could tap into instead of us tapping them? There had to be a way, there was magic for goodness sake. I remembered Hermione saying something about those coins she used for D.A. meetings, but those were too risky, and we couldn't distribute them to every witch or wizard. Most would fry a computer just by being near it, so emailing wouldn't work. A newspaper was too dangerous, and we didn't have enough supplies.

And that's when it hit me.

"Radio!" I shouted triumphantly, standing up as Draco flinched from behind his book in surprise, shooting me a quizzical look as I grinned.

"Radio? What are you talking about?" He set down his book on the table and stood up too.

"I've figured out a way to keep more wizarding families from being sent to Azkaban! I hear everyday who is wanted by the Ministry. Then we keep a running list on a radio station! And we'd have other news and stuff…" I trailed off at the look on Draco's face.

"You mean a private radio station? One were wizards need a password to access the channel at a certain time? That's old, _old_ magic, but it's a great idea, considering you'd be able to run it from almost anywhere." I left the room, him following, and hunted down Lupin, who ended up to be aimlessly pacing in his bedroom.

"Lupin, I just got the _best_ idea, an idea for communication from us to witches and wizards who don't support You-Know-Who! _What if we made a radio station?_" I said hurriedly after knocking twice on the doorframe, making him jump. His face went from concerned and worried, to hopeful.

"A private one? That's…that's perfect! We could use it for any kind of information we needed to distribute, and it would be private. All we would need to do is let people know that it exists…but we could definitely do that." Draco went to get other Order Members on upper floors as Lupin and I walked to the kitchen.

"You looked so worried." I said into the silence, and he sighed. "Lupin, what's wrong?" I pressed when he didn't answer. He looked indecisive as he looked at me for a moment, and then sighed again.

"I'll tell you later." He said as I heard feet on the stairs. He dusted off the radio in the kitchen as I muttered, "You better," under my breath, making him chuckle lightly. People poured into the kitchen. All the Weasley's except Ginny and Ron were here, making the kitchen unusually packed.

"What's happening, something about a radio?" Mr. Weasley said mildly.

"Jenny came up with the idea of making a private radio station for the Order, to have a constant flow of information wizards aren't getting outside of the Resistance." Lupin said, and there were a few hoots and cheers after he was done. "But we've got to organize this carefully; it's got to have a name people will want to pass on, as well as code names for anyone who is talking." Lupin continued.

"The Resistance? No, too obvious…hmmm…" I said under my breath, thinking hard. We needed to make the show inviting-

"I've got it. _Potterwatch_. Wizards will tune into that, I'd bet my life on it." Draco said somewhat stiffly, but everyone was in agreement-that name would be perfect.

"As for code names…they should be very plain, and the people talking should be very unrecognizable. If someone on the other side was to hear what we were saying, that would be bad enough, but being able to identify anyone talking would be worse."

"Wait just a moment," Mrs. Weasley started. "Who will be talking during these? We can't all do it."

"Jenny is, nobody knows who she is, they wouldn't recognize her voice," Tonks started, making me flush slightly, "Lupin," it was her turn to flush, and I couldn't help but smile at the ground, "Lupin should do it…"

"I'll do it." Fred said calmly from the back. "George and I can swap out, no one can tell us apart."

"I think that's good for now. We can always add more if we start adding different segments. Anyway, codenames," Lupin said briskly, the slight heat in his own face dying from when Tonks mentioned him.

"And they can't relate to who you are, remember. Something random." Hestia Jones said from the back.

"I'm River." I said after a few minutes of deep thinking. "And now that I think about it, they should all start with the same letter, to add some catchy-ness to the whole show."

"Romulus is a pretty intense name, nice and old fashioned, just like you, Lupin." Mr. Weasley joked, and Lupin rolled his eyes at his joke, fingering his pre-mature aged hair and nodded. We lapsed into silence again as Mr. Weasley took the old radio from the kitchen into the corner and started to beat it repeatedly with his wand, setting up the station. I burst out laughing when I came up with the perfect name for Fred, getting strange stares and raised eyebrows for my trouble.

"Fred, you have to be Rodent." I said, and everyone started to laugh except for Fred, who's ears had turned a great shade of red.

"Absolutley not, I need something dangerous, like Rapier, Rapier! That's perfect." He said quickly, trying to settle it. I chuckled but let it go. I had never seen his ears turn so red before. It made me wonder if George did the same thing, but since he had only one ear…I started laughing again, making his ears turn redder. Then I pictured George with piercings on his one ear and laughed quieter as Mr. Weasley came back over with the radio.

"It's all set, should we do the first session now?" He asked, and Lupin shrugged, leaning against a counter as I sat by the radio on the table. Everyone got very quiet as Mr. Weasley rapped the radio once and nodded to me.

"This is a test, considering no one could hear this yet anyway. This is River, welcome to _Potterwatch._" I said calmly, leaning against the old radio, making Mr. Weasley chuckle and hit it again, and the light in it died.

"This is going to be good, no, this is going to be excellent. We can relay all sorts of news. Great idea, Jenny." Lupin said from the counter, and I shook my head, smiling.

"It's certainly easier than running home from the Ministry to send owls, which can be intercepted. This is safer for everyone." After a few moments of mulling around and talking, everyone started to clear out, and after just a second of looking at Lupin, Tonks hurried out. I was aware that they had been on and off even before I had gotten here, but the looks and the flushing made Lupin's pacing make sense.

"You're worried about hurting her." I said as soon as the kitchen was empty, and Lupin rubbed his face.

"It's more complicated than that, much, much more complicated. But that was certainly and issue, just like it is for you and Draco." I felt a slight flush fill my face, but thankfully, Lupin ignored it. He seemed to be trying to phrase what he wanted to say correctly.

"You remember how I told you that now that you're a werewolf, it's in your blood?" Lupin asked finally, sending me into confusion.

"Yes…" I said, trying to think about how this was possibly relevant. It's not like some of his blood got in her, or like he bit her repeatedly before a full moon; like what had happened with me. Lupin took a deep breath, then looked at the floor.

"Tonks is pregnant." He muttered, starting to furiously flush as I sat against the radio in shock. "I told her about the danger, about how I would pass on my…condition to our child…" He died away as he looked at me, his face twisted. I could understand his anguish, he was passing on a horrible, _horrible_ thing to his child. But I was filling with happiness.

"Oh god, Lupin, you're going to be a father!" I breathed, and vaulted off the table and hugged him, his body freezing in surprise. I pulled back to meet his confused and still twisted gaze. "But your child will get all the support he could possibly need. I'll always be around, you won't have to help him alone. It's not his burden to receive, but it wasn't yours either. It will be alright, Lupin." I said confidently, picturing a little Lupin running around, possibly with Tonks' nose, with a huge smile on his face…"Plus," I added as I pictured the little kid, "he won't have any of these." I wrapped my hand around my neck. I never wore high collared shirts anymore, not with all the support I got from everyone.

Lupin smiled.

**So this isn't **_**totally**_** DH compliant, and things will start moving faster, considering I don't want to write out months and months of Order activity that matches our Trio's aimless wanderings on that long camping trip. **


	24. Where I Want To Be

Where I Want To Be

_Don't get me wrong_

_I'm not complaining_

_Times have been good_

_Fast, entertaining_

_But what's the point_

_If I'm concealing_

_Not only love_

_All other feeling._

Jenny

10/24/10

4:55 p.m.

Once the radio station was up and running, Fred and George made some magic pamphlets that broadcasted the radio station, and I snuck into the Ministry and put them everywhere where people who needed the news would find them. I left them all over the more secure sections of the Leaky Cauldron, and after an interesting trip to Hogsmade, managed to pass some out to Ginny to give to the kids at the school to send home. We took every precaution, especially with Draco all anxious about my safety. I finished passing them out unscathed, and fairly confident that they wouldn't fall into the wrong hands; Fred and George made them after all.

Then Tonks and Lupin broke their most excellent news and it sent everyone into high spirits- except Lupin. I had to bug him and remind him constantly about all the support the child would get, but he wasn't that keen on listening. Finally, (much to my relief) Bill invited them to their cottage for awhile, and Tonks (who had grown more and more attached to me since her pregnancy) insisted that I come as well. She was only just starting to show, but when she wanted her way, she was downright vicious. Bill and Fleur were easy going enough, so I soon found myself sitting on the cliffs overlooking the sea, wrapped up in a charmed blanket to keep warm as snow started to fall, turning to sleet and then rain.

It was miserable weather, but I was happy. Kingsley was still on the run, Draco and I were safe, the full moon was almost here (and I'd be _safe_ this time) and Tonks was _pregnant._ She was such a joy to be around, I couldn't help but picture her spawn with a bit of envy. I loved kids, and her child would be getting such good traits, _magic_, and the personalities of Lupin and Tonks.

And, there was Draco.

Once I had opened up to the guy, it felt too blissful to be real. Brian had vanished from my mind along with the guilty thoughts that came with him. Draco, even though he could be an egotistical prick, had such a great personality otherwise. He cared about me, but gave me enough space and sarcasm to not be overly clingy. But when we were both in kind of a snuggling mood, he was the perfect level of clingy, there, warm and damn muscular.

As I watched the sea some more, despite the slashing rain, I thought about Hermione, Ron and Harry. How were they doing in such crappy weather? I hoped they were all happy, dry and safe, whatever they were doing. I missed Hermione a lot, she knew me almost as well as Draco, even more so, even though we had only spent a few days together. We were both socially awkward, so we fit together nicely, and I missed her company.

A loud crack and a loud voice swearing made me leap away from the edge and scan the night. The house was safe, only friends and family knew where it was…so who Apparated here and why? I watched the dark shape of the person stagger through the gate. "Who's there?" I asked firmly, melting away into the darkness and moving behind the person, just in case. I could take them out better that way.

"Ron." Ron panted, and I hesitated, even when he asked, "Jenny? Is that you?"

"What game did I compare Quidditch to?" I asked.

"Basketball, whatever that is. Jenny, where are you?" He asked, turning on the spot and looking around. Then he seemed to realize the times and asked me a question in return. "What injury did you get from your first transformation on your face?"

"A scratch all the way across." I said with a slight shiver, and walked slowly out from the darkness as to not scare him. "Ron, what are you doing here? Oh, _shit,_ your hand is bleeding!" I carefully took his hand in mine to examine it, and saw that three of his fingernails were gone.

"I…Jenny, can you keep a secret? We found one of the things we were looking for, but we had to wear it so that we didn't lose it. But, Jenny, it messed with my head, made me think and say things I didn't mean. It made me so mad that I just left them, after a huge row. I splinched myself, and as soon as I Apparated, I wanted to go back. But we put protective enchantments around our camp, I can't find them again." He confessed in a rush, and for the first time I noticed his eyes were damp.

"Oh," I said stupidly, trying to think, and to understand his code names and came up empty. He must have meant the locket, but other than that, I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. "Ron, it will all work out, but come inside, so we can heal your hand. You've missed a lot," I chattered aimlessly, trying to take his mind off of things. By the time we reached the cottage, my hand was covered in his blood. "Fleur!" I called, shoving Ron into a chair in the living room, which was hard considering he was a good foot taller than me, and twice as buff.

"What? I waz cooking ze meal…Ron?" She stopped in surprise in the doorway to the kitchen. "What are you doing here? Aren't you with your friends on your special mission?" He blinked as she came over and rapped her wand on his hand, and it stopped bleeding, and with another rap, the blood vanished, and she cleaned me up too as I answered for him.

"Ron just needs to stay here for awhile. He won't even tell me why." I worked to sound annoyed, and it came off perfectly. As Fleur huffed and went to get him some food, he shot me a grateful look.

"Oh, Jenny, you missed Tonks and Lupin. Zey had to leave, zomething about ze Kingsley hunt. It may be nothing." She said, seeing my face.

"_Kingsley hunt?"_ Ron asked in disbelief. I rubbed my temples as Fleur gave Ron a plate and went to tell Bill the news. "What did she mean, Jenny? Was Kingsley kidnapped or something?"

"No…not exactly. When I said you missed a lot, I meant it. I'll have to start from the beginning to have it all make sense." Ron gestured impatiently, so I started. "Draco agreed to be questioned under Veratisereum. He said some things…that made me look suspicious. I had been visiting him, well the attic, because it let me get away from everyone…everything. The only reason he agreed to be questioned is because he asked me to tell Kingsley when I was up there, saying he wanted to help us, well help me." The look on Ron's face was hard to make me continue, but I did anyway. "I had to lie to Kingsley, saying that I had been going up there to beat him up, instead of the more cordial visits we were having. Draco was obviously asked about that, and Kingsley freaked out." I sighed and put my elbows on the table, then cradled my head, remembering.

"Well? Then what?" Ron had somehow managed to eat everything already, and left me with nothing to distract him with. I spoke to the table as I finished the story.

"Kingsley tried to use an Unforgivable Curse on me."

"_WHAT?"_ I mean, I knew he didn't like you, and vice versa, but this is _Kingsley!_ He's been on our side forever!" Ron was so pale, his freckles stood out in almost perfect contrast to his face.

"I know. He was kicked out before we could erase his memory, and he won't come in or apologize, so the Order is hunting him down, he knows too much. I was questioned to clear me of any wrong doing, and Draco was cleared too. Were…friends now. Well," I said hastily, seeing Ron's face again, "A little, well, a lot more than that, were sort of…together. But he makes Wolfsbane Potions for the Order, and other Potions, so Lupin and I are safe. The full moon is only like a week away." I changed topics as fast as I could.

"Together?" Ron said in a strangled sort of voice.

"He helped me when I was…not in the best mind set. He likes me, and I like him." I said this firmly as I could. I wanted Ron to approve, he was a good friend.

"Merlin's Beard…they cleared him completely, right?" He added suspiciously, and I laughed tiredly.

"Everyone trusts him, ever since he helped me out, kept me laughing." I skated over the bear trap accident and was determined to keep him in the dark. If he got back to Harry and Hermione, they would flip out, and so would he.

"I don't like it." Ron said instantly, and I sighed.

"Tough luck, he's staying. Speaking of couples, Lupin and Tonks finally got together, and Tonks is pregnant." I dropped a bombshell to change the subject, and a huge grin went over Ron's face. I mentally thanked every god out there that Ron was easily distracted. I knew him and Harry and probably Hermione wouldn't like it, but they hadn't been at the questioning.

"_Pregnant?_ Good god, everyone is getting in a relationship! I bet they got married too." He added sarcastically, running a hand through his hair, which was _really_ long.

"Actually, yes, they did. They did it in secret." Ron swore under his breath and rubbed his face, looking tired.

"What else?" He asked. A great thought leapt into my mind.

"We started a private radio station, so that people who are secretly, or not so secretly resisting can have accurate and up to date information. It will be perfect for you guys, so that all these bombshells won't get to you to badly. Well, we won't talk about personal things, but you know what I mean." I rambled slightly, but Ron looked thrilled.

"That was brilliant thinking on the Order's part! Anything more?" He asked, and I felt my insides do a guilty sort of dance. I should tell him about the bear trap incident, but I didn't want him to have any more worries. I pushed the guilt away.

"No, I think you are all up to speed." I said, and smiled tiredly at Bill as he came rushing in, and gave Ron a good solid man-hug.


	25. Never Let Go

Never Let Go

_I can't understand it._

_We search for an answer. _

_It's met with a darker day._

_And we've been handed these moments forever._

_But I'm reassured there's another way._

Jenny

10/29/10

5:30 p.m.

All the good feelings seemed to pop from my mind as Ron became more and more depressed. I confronted him about liking Hermione, and he finally spilled the beans, but that made him even angrier at himself for leaving them. Everyone noticed his sulking air, but no one commented, much to my relief. I worked to make him happy in the days leading up to the full moon as well as I could, but it was slow going. He played with his little Putter-outer thing constantly, making reading or writing letters impossible whenever he was around.

Before I knew it, Bill was telling me that Draco was coming tonight to give me the Wolfsbane Potion, and that Lupin was coming with him. We would go back to the woods, and it made me eager. I wanted to try to force myself to enjoy being a werewolf, and knowing who I was would certainly help. Plus, not getting gravely injured would be nice for once.

But it put Ron in a terrible mood. He still hated Draco, and I was sure the feeling would be mutual. Thank goodness they would only be around each other until I got back from the transformation, just a night and maybe half of the next day. _Hopefully._ I tried persuading him all day to be nice, and that we'd be fine, but he wouldn't hear a word of it. Since he couldn't obsess over Hermione's safety much anymore without having an affect on it, he tackled mine with an intensity that would surely get under Draco's skin. But I couldn't help but feel my spirits rise as Lupin and Draco crossed the front yard with Bill, and I dashed out of the house, ignoring Ron's muttered comments about Draco. Draco whipped me up into a hug, almost lifting me off the ground. "I missed you." He breathed in my ear, making me shiver slightly, but grin back at him as he set me down.

"I did too, more than you know. Your sarcasm was sorely needed here." I said and kissed him on the cheek, then accepted a hug from Lupin, the two bottles in his hand clinking on my back.

"How are you doing?" I asked him, because he looked more tired than usual. He laughed tiredly as Draco took my hand, our fingers entwining.

"Tonks is worried, of course. And when she worries, I worry." I shot him a sympathetic look as we walked into the house, just to say goodbye. We had to leave before it got dark, if we didn't drink, or if there was an accident while we were here and the moon came out…I banished the thought from my head and glared at Draco, giving him the _behave_ look, and let go of his hand to hug Ron goodbye. I could tell they were eyeing each other over my back.

"Seriously. It's not even 48 hours. You are both on the same side, aren't you? _Behave or else._" I glared equally at both of them over Fleur's back as she hugged me goodbye too. "Cheers." I said to Lupin, and we humorlessly clinked potion vials and drank, everyone watching us curiously. Lupin was used to the taste, but I was not; it was worse than the orange tea, but I chugged it down, only letting my face twist once I had drank it all. "God, that's _nauseating._" I put a hand to my mouth as I set the vial down on the table. It made me feel weird, shaky. Lupin sighed and nodded, setting his down. He was obviously more used to it; his hands didn't shake like mine did.

"Are you ok? You're shaking." Ron said, then glared at the potion vial, then at Draco, and I knew he thought that he spiked the potion or something. Before I could reprimand him, Lupin saved me.

"That's normal. The first time I took it, it had a greater effect on me, so she's taking it very well." I winced at the 'greater effect' words, but made myself smile at Ron and Draco, to try to fool them even for a little while.

"See you two tomorrow. _No fighting_, or I'll kick your arses. I'm not asking you to be best mates, I just want you two to be civil." I said sternly as Ron hugged me first, then Draco gave me a quick peck goodbye. Any looks they started giving each other I didn't see, as Lupin was escorting me out the door and out of the protection field to Apparate.

The woods were almost comfortingly familiar as we appeared there. I thought I would feel slightly apprehensive, going back to the woods were the last time I would have died if not for Lupin, but I was confident in the potion. "I'll just be right over here until we change. We don't have to avoid each other anymore, unless you want to." Lupin raised an eyebrow as I blinked, his words not making sense for a moment, and I was suddenly very comfortable.

"Really? That's great! Yeah, yeah, that will work, but you can stay here, can't you?" I asked, and he frowned, starting to flush.

"No, no I can't, Jenny. I'm married." He said, turning to leave.

"Married? To who?" I asked in surprise. He was _married?_ Since when?

"Jenny, that's not funny. What's the matter with you?" Lupin chided, striding back over, looking pissed off.

"Huh?" Confused, I rubbed the scar on my neck absentmindedly, frowning in confusion. Lupin suddenly shoved me aside and whipped out his wand, firing spells into the bushes, and green shots were coming back. I stayed where I was, crumpled on the ground from Lupin's push, confused. _What_ was going on? The shots stopped, and I heard a popping noise. Lupin swore and kicked around in the bushes for a moment, then took my arm, pulled me up and Apparated. We appeared by cliffs, and I could hear an ocean. "Where are we?" I asked, turning on the spot to look around our dark surroundings. The moon was pushing at the clouds, but everything was dusky.

"_Ennervate._" Lupin said sharply, and it felt like someone had slapped my face. I blinked, then looked around and noticed Bill and Fleur's cottage behind Lupin.

"Lupin, why are we back at the cottage? We have to transform tonight!" I gasped, shocked. Lupin growled something unintelligible and started stalking towards the house. "Lupin, didn't you hear me? We will be turning into wolves tonight, in less than 10 minutes! We can't stay here! _Lupin!"_ I shouted after him when he didn't stop, and ran to follow him. The door flew open to reveal Bill standing there, wand out, looking fierce, but relaxed when he saw us.

"Lupin, Jenny, we thought we heard someone in the yard…what are you doing here?" He asked, Draco pushing past him as he talked to come out and stop in front of me, looking concerned.

"Someone Confounded Jenny in the woods, and tried to kill me." Lupin said furiously, crossing his arms.

"_What?_" I gasped over Draco's shoulder as he looked me over obsessively.

"You wouldn't even remember being cursed, Jenny. Did you see who it was?" Bill asked, standing aside so that Fleur and Ron could come out onto the front porch. Lupin snorted, his expression growing stormier.

"Who else would know how valuable Jenny is? It had to be Kingsley." I stiffened under Draco's concerned gaze. The one person in the wizarding world I hated the most.

"Kingsley hatez Jenny. Why didn't he just kill her, she iz not valuable to him anymore." Fleur said in shock, making Draco swear under his breath, and Ron go pale under his freckles.

"He must want you for some reason. Why else would he risk coming to us with two Aurors following him around, plus Lupin? He couldn't even be sure if you two would be safe tonight." Draco said darkly, putting a protective arm around me as I looked blankly into the distance with overwhelming hatred and unease. What if Kingsley had Stunned or Killed Lupin? What would have happened to me?

"Does he know where you live?" Ron asked faintly from the doorway, and Bill shook his head, making a small bit of relief go through me.

"Fleur and I were careful. I'll contact the Order, you guys-" His words stopped as a shaft of moonlight hit Lupin on the shoulder, making him stiffen.

"_Shit, _go inside, go inside _now!"_ I pushed Draco away, and he stumbled on the step then inside as Bill pushed Ron and Fleur in, then shut the door as Lupin started to shake, making me back up to give him room, looking up, waiting for the moon. I heard someone shout my name, and I looked around. Everyone had their noses pressed to the living room window, watching us. With a pop, Lupin exploded, his shabby clothes exploding away, awakening a thought in me. I quickly pulled off my sweater to shiver in my tanktop as I kicked off my shoes and stripped off my socks when the moon hit the side of my face, making me freeze artfully on one foot.

The needles dug deeply into my skin, the coldness making goosebumps break over my arms and my pupils contract in shock, my breath freezing in my throat with a quiet gasp. The cold raced to my brain, but instead of suddenly vanishing within myself, the cold rebounded, leaving a ringing in my ears, and with a pop, my clothes shredded and I was suddenly in a little heap, and the world was the intense shades of colors I was used to only vaguely remembering. I looked up to see the cottage, and the people inside. Fleur had buried her head into Bill's shoulder, Bill looked frozen, literally petrified, Ron looked sick and Draco had both hands pressed to the glass, his expression indescribable. His eyes were burning into my wolf form as I stood up silently, and padded lightly to the window. I couldn't help but feel a huge happiness welling inside me. I was _free!_ I could think, I could make rational decisions…

Bill put an arm around Fleur and shrank away slightly from the window as I stopped in front of it and tilted my head to the side as Draco leaned closer, if possible. I could sort of see my reflection in the mirror, and I could see a large, graceful and imposing wolf with a long blond coat. Lupin yipped, making me break eye contact with Draco to look at him. If I thought I was big, Lupin was huge. He was a good two feet taller than me, just like in real life, and his coat was shorter, with the slight graying patches I remembered from when I attacked him. I padded over to him and felt my muzzle cracking into a wolfy grin. Then I leaned back and howled to the moon. "Draco, what are you doing?" Bill shouted, and I turned. Draco was standing in the doorway, bracing himself on the doorframe, looking pale, watching me. Then he took a deep breath and walked over.


	26. You Better Pray

You Better Pray

_Boy, you better pray_

_We don't seek you out, no_

_You better hope_

_We might lose control, no_

Jenny

10/29/10

9:10 p.m.

I held perfectly still as Bill appeared in the doorway, wand at his side, looking cautious. Draco carefully raised a hand and touched one of my huge ears which was surprisingly fluffy, judging by the look on his face. "Jenny?" He breathed, and I noticed he was trembling slightly. I made the deep rumbling that I had made when I had first been in the moonlight; it was like a rough cat purr. Draco stiffened, and then a great grin stretched over his face as he interpreted the purr, seeing my muzzle start to grin again. "It's alright, Bill." Draco said calmly enough, turning to look at Bill for a moment. Bill nodded, and looking like a cautious school boy, stepped further onto the porch.

I slowly bowed my head more to Draco's height and nuzzled his side, making him shudder in surprise. Then he was lightly petting my head with both hands, a stupid grin back on his face as he played with my ears. When he stopped, I lifted my head back to the sky and howled again. When I looked back down, Draco's eyes were huge. He glanced at Lupin, who had sat down pretty gracefully for a wolf his size, and Bill was cautiously approaching him as Fleur and Ron appeared in the doorway, holding onto each other like old women. "I trust you, Jenny. Do you trust me?" Draco asked me, and I met his slightly frightened gaze with my much larger one. I made a very obvious nod with my giant head, and Draco asked his next question in a rush. "Can I get on?" I stared at him for a second, then a smile that turned into a huge wolfy grin stretched over my face, and I started to chuckle, which came out as little purr noises, but with a choked sounding tone. I nodded again, and stretched out lower, so that all he had to do was get on like a bike.

Draco hesitated, then his weight was suddenly on my back, his feet firmly on top of my hip joints. I was shocked; I thought it would be hard to accommodate him. But Draco was light, almost like wearing a backpack when I was human. I rose up slowly, and Draco held onto my fur tightly, his legs squeezing tight. I paused, waiting for him to either jump off or ask to be put down, but after a deep breath, he started to lightly pet my ears again, looking around. "Have you ever zeen zuch a zight?" Fleur sounded awed, and she was watching us with tears on her face, stepping outside as Ron remained firmly indoors, looking sick still. I walked in slow, careful circles, then walked briskly around the house a few times.

"Let's run, Jenny. Please?" Draco asked, sounding excited. I howled again, getting excited too, and started to jog, then run, then _sprint_, nodding to Lupin before bounding outside the safety boundary and up the cliffs around Bill and Fleur's house. "_YEAHHH!"_ Draco yelled joyfully, holding on with only his legs, fist pumping into the air. I howled with him, legs pumping and stretching longer and longer to run faster and faster. I sprinted across a flat stretch, then leapt over a crevice, Draco's shout dying in shock as I landed smoothly on the other side, my tail wagging in excitement as I started to chuckle again. "That—was-amazing," Draco panted, leaning into my shoulders and wrapping his arms around my neck. He could barely do it, and there was a good two feet between each hand, even when he stretched as far as he could. I started to purr again, and knelt down to let him get off, then curled up on the stone outcropping. Draco hesitated, but then sat down slowly and leaned against me. I swished my tail over him like a giant blanket, making him start in surprise. We sat in silence for awhile, Draco lightly swirling patterns into my fur, watching the moon and listening to the ocean. It was a perfect moment; I wasn't worrying about being caught in the Ministry or Kingsley. Draco started again, and I smelled Lupin.

"Lupin," he greeted him, and I looked up, hearing Lupin's paws hit the ground on this side of the crevice. Lupin was huge; his size shocked me every time. If I didn't know he was on my side, I would have run away from him, or I would have fought him away. "Do we need to go back?" He asked Lupin, and he nodded, starting to smile. I removed my tail and Draco got up, then climbed back on me, so I stood and backed up, following Lupin back over the crevice, then bounded back down the cliffs, taking more jumps and going at faster speeds to entertain Draco. We lumbered back up to the door, and Draco slipped off, then raised an eyebrow at Ron as he cautiously stepped over, looking up at me.

"Could I get a quick ride? I mean, Bill went for a spin on Lupin, but, I mean, Lupin is kind of…reallyintenseyouknowwhatImean?" Ron babbled nervously. Trying not to chuckle, I knelt again, and Ron climbed on, trembling.

"Put your feet on top of her hip joints, like this," Draco avoided Ron's gaze, and vice versa as he helped him hold on. "Now, how fast do you want to go? I mean, Jenny is perfectly aware of you and herself, it's not like she won't stop." Draco said seriously, addressing my left paw. I nodded my head as Ron swallowed loudly.

"Go as fast as you went with Draco." He said, setting his jaw. I hesitated, nuzzled Draco's side, then started at a brisk walk, then broke into a jog, then the full out sprint that I loved. After a moment, Ron was whooping and swearing like Draco had. When I came back, Fleur was daintily jumping off of Lupin's back as he ran up, going faster than I could dream of, considering his legs were twice as long. She straightened her hair in a lady like fashion, started to laugh at Ron, and took Bill's arm. I started to laugh, and it came out as strange yipping sounds. Of course _Fleur,_ a dainty beautiful and petite veela would have more balls than Ron. Ron's ears turned red, but he slipped off without comment.

"Where would you like ze clothes? Or rather, were should I put them zo that when you are…not wolfy you can change in private?" Fleur had reached down to pick up two different canvas bags. There was a moment of awkward of silence as Lupin and I looked at each other. Then an idea hit me, and I flicked my paw, making one claw come out, like a Swiss Army Knife. Every human in attendance flinched. I started to scrawl in the dirt, and it was surprisingly easy. I wrote: _Could you tie it to our legs? Then we can choose a private spot._

"Oh yes, of course…" Bill said quickly, and Lupin and I stuck out our legs, letting Fleur tie the tiny bags onto us. After an awkward nodding moment, and a hug from Draco, which made me purr again, Lupin and I went our separate ways to sleep in private. The next morning as I crossed the lawn, Draco was waiting with a mug of steaming tea and a smile.

"You were amazing last night, and you look alright…are you?" He said, putting an arm around me as I accepted the mug and walked with him inside.

"I'm much better than last time…and I had fun last night too. I'm glad I don't have to be a monster once a month." My voice was hoarse and slightly gravelly, but that was to be expected.

"Good…because Lupin wants to talk to you about the Kingsley thing from yesterday. He's talked to the Order already." He shot me another concerned look as I sighed and wrapped both hands around the mug, the orange a surprisingly much better thing to look at than his face at that moment.

"Oh, goody." I muttered sarcastically, and let Draco steer me into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for me on Lupin's right side, and I sat down, setting the mug on the table. "Morning," I sighed, and took a sip as Lupin stopped writing on a piece of parchment at my entrance.

"Good Morning, Jenny. How are the joints?" Lupin asked conversationally as Draco sat next to me. I stretched out my right arm lightly and absentmindedly as he spoke.

"Not so bad, all things considered. I heard you want to talk about…last night." I raised an eyebrow as Lupin rubbed his face, not answering. "But I'm not actually sure what there is to talk about, I mean, he tried, and failed, to attack us. Game over." I took a sip of tea when Lupin suddenly replied.

"Jones and Diggle aren't responding or checking in anymore, Jenny." Lupin said quietly. I slowly put down my tea, and Draco stiffened. But if they weren't responding, that would mean that they had been captured by Death Eaters, or Kingsley had got to them.

"That's impossible." I breathed, staring at him. "Hestia and Dedalus are some of the best Aurors we have!" Lupin shook his head angrily.

"I know, I know. But we have to prepare in case he got them to spill information. He might know where Bill and Fleur live, where you are, about _Potterwatch-"_

"What are you suggesting we do? If he's already given up the Order, it's not like we can use Grimmauld Place, if we can't stay here, then why don't we just hunt him down?" I asked weakly, the slight panic and anger I was feeling not translating to my speech.

"_Because_, Jenny, think about it. If he's really gone over, it won't just be Kingsley we'd be after. He might not be alone. We don't want a confrontation with several Death Eaters unless we absolutely have to." I stared down into my tea, mind whirling, making my joints feel stiffer than I knew they actually were. The work ahead seemed to weigh them down further.

"Then what are we still doing here? And where will we all go? You, Me, Draco, Ron, Bill and Fleur all have nowhere safe to stay now, not to mention everyone in the Order!"

"We were going to take a magically extending tent, a few supplies, and we were going to just disappear, go camping for awhile. And Weasel-boy left. He was gone this morning." Draco said, and I stared at him.

"Ron is _gone?_ Did it not cross your mind that Kingsley could have-?"

"Jenny, if Kingsley and Death Eaters had been here, they wouldn't have just kidnapped Ron. None of us would be here right now. Ron is probably fine. But as for us, we need to leave, now. Ron is gone, Bill and Fleur already left…it's just us three." Lupin said, standing up. "We've got all the Wolfsbane Potions from the Order's stash, along with enough supplies to last us awhile." I slowly stood up, and as we left the now solemn looking, now abandoned cottage, I couldn't help but feel another deep spike of hate for Kingsley.

This was the second time now that he had ruined my life when things were going well. If he lived to mess with it a third time, I'd have to kill him myself.


	27. Brick By Boring Brick

Brick By Boring Brick

_If it's not real_

_You can't hold it in your hand_

_You can't feel it with your heart_

_And I won't believe it_

Jenny

1/1/11

12:01 a.m.

The New Year did not come with the things I wanted most: peace, safety, and Kingsley's body on a stick.

It seemed like the day we left, Mother Earth planned on dropping a giant freaking mess of the coldest, wettest weather she could come up with. It made traveling miserable, the nights alone in the tent dreary. And waking up in the morning after a wolf transformation was _fucking cold!_ The 'snow burn' as I nicknamed it would leave me shivering for the whole day.

When we started to find tracks from people in a one mile radius around our tent, Lupin started putting protective spells around us every night, and when Draco learned them, he would place some too. It was surprising, his lack of useful spells. But he knew enough Dark Magic for all three of us, which made me feel safe in a sick sort of way.

The only high part in our lives was broadcasting _Potterwatch!_ as often as we could. It was hard to put forth new information, but with all the free time on our hands, we started to travel almost all day to get the very latest in news to broadcast. We had no idea if anyone knew it was on besides the broken up Order members, but it gave us something to do. We hadn't heard much from anyone, except for the Weasley's, who managed to keep in touch via Patronus or basic letters. Both were in code, so we would spend a while trying to figure them out, but soon, we had a whole code language made up, and we would write or send Patronuses often.

The fast pace, high stakes, dangerous turn my life had taken felt like it was dragging me down. Funny how running for your life continuously gets old. Despite that, Draco and I grew closer, and I noticed Lupin trusting him a lot more when it came to sending messages, the protective spells…it made me happy, even though it was obvious he was not. He missed Tonks and their child like his heart was gone, so I bullied him into letting her stay with us. It was safer then letting her stay home all day with the doors barred. Tonks livened up our lives, even when times were tough. I would make fun of her growing bump all the time, and she'd just laugh. It was the one thing she couldn't change on her body, but that seemed to make her love it even more.

Ron

1/1/11

3:09 a.m.

The morning after I finally got back to Harry and Hermione, I filled them in on everything I had known when I left. It hadn't been much, but spending Christmas under a tree with a radio I had seriously started hunting them down. When I told them I had been staying at Bill and Fleur's with Jenny, Hermione flipped out.

"_Jenny?_ Really? How is she? Can she take potions now, has she gotten hurt?" She demanded, grabbing onto her seat and leaning forward in anticipation and anxiety. I immediately flashed back to the conversation I had had with Lupin.

"_Why is Malfoy making so many Wolfsbane Potions? I know that you'll need them, but he's working as if he actually cares." I asked Lupin in an undertone one night after Draco had immediately went upstairs after dinner to work on his potions. He reminded me too much of Snape. Lupin frowned at me._

"_In case you haven't noticed, Jenny is a werewolf, and she needs those potions. And her and Draco are together. Plus, there is the obvious." Lupin raised an eyebrow at me when I looked shocked at his suddenly cold tone._

"_The obvious? I don't understand." Lupin stared at me for a moment, then swore lightly under his breath, smiling sadly._

"_She didn't tell you, of course she wouldn't. The last night Jenny didn't use a Wolfsbane Potion, she found me. I knew I could outrun her, but she kept attacking me. I finally got away, but she gave chase and fell. I knew that if I stayed near her, even if she was down, she would try to attack me again, so all night I stayed far away, worrying. In the morning, I couldn't find her…but when I did…" Lupin shook his head, running a hand through his hair, looking pissed off._

"_When you did…?" I asked worriedly, wondering why Jenny hadn't told me about this. _

"_When I found her, she had fallen down a ravine and into a bear trap. She wasn't right for a week." Lupin said coldly._

"Jenny's been fine, as fit as ever. She's actually been able to take them because…well, ok-this is going to sound ridiculous, but they questioned Draco under Veratisereum and found out that he's been pressured into the Dark Arts all along, and he truly wanted to help the Order…so he's been making them potions ever since." I left out the part about Jenny's last night as a true werewolf. If she hadn't told me, then I would keep it a secret from Harry and Hermione; I wasn't even supposed to know.

"Sorry? Did you just say that Malfoy didn't want to use the Dark Arts? _He helped murder Dumbledore!"_ Harry said furiously.

"I know, I don't trust the git either…but Jenny does…and well…they are together. Like, _a couple._" Dead silence spread through the tent, so I pushed on. "During the…interrogations, Kingsley kind of lost it on Jenny and tried to hurt her. They kicked him out of the Order, but when they didn't modify his memory right away, he ran. They've been after him ever since."

"Good Lord," Hermione breathed, gnawing nervously on her bottom lip, looking pale. "Kingsley isn't on our side anymore…"

"Tonks is pregnant with Lupin's baby, and they got married." I informed them after a minute of their brooding.

"What? Really?" Hermione's face lit up, and I spent another two minutes filling them in on that, and then Kingsley's would be attack on Jenny and Lupin.

"So where did they transform then? They couldn't really leave the safety of the cottage." Harry asked, looking still slightly pissed off and surprised at more news of Kingsley's betrayal. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled about Jenny being with Draco too.

"Oh-you guys are going to love this-they were both safe, and when we got caught up in an argument, they ended up transforming right in front of the cottage."

"You mean you saw Jenny as a _wolf?_" Hermione asked, sitting up straighter. I nodded, picturing it in my mind. One second she had just frozen, the next second her body was disappearing under a large wolf frame, with a soft blond pelt…

"Yeah, and when Malfoy went outside, Lupin and Jenny started giving us rides—"

"_You rode a werewolf? You rode Jenny?"_ Harry asked in shock. I couldn't help but grin at their faces.

"Yeah and, _bloody hell_, she is _fast._ When they know who they are, Jenny and Lupin are pretty sweet and intimidating. She could purr and laugh and talk, but it was kind of a yipping sound…what?" I asked them as their jaws dropped.

"What was it like?" Hermione asked faintly. She was very pale.

"Kind of like the speed of a broom, but like riding a giant soft and fuzzy horse. We went over these cliff things, and when she jumped it was such a rush. And her howl sent these tingles up my spine, it was so eerie." I finished lamely; not describing it the way I wanted to, but Hermione was hanging off my every word. Compared to her coldness last night, it was more than inviting, it was treasured.

"Bloody hell, Ron." Harry chuckled, starting to grin like an idiot. "I hate to say it, but I'm jealous."

Hermione warmed up to me more as the weeks passed; we went to the Lovegood house, and learned about the Hallows. Harry started to only think of them, and he was losing track of what was important: The Horcruxes. The whole reason we were living out of a tent like we were. I kept trying every night to get the radio to work, but I couldn't remember the last password, and I could never get them right. I didn't think that my wand nor the radio could take any more beatings, when one night, I finally got it.


	28. Remember When It Rained

Remember When It Rained

_Wash away the thoughts inside_

_That keep my mind away from you_

_No more love and no more pride_

_Thoughts are all I have to do_

Jenny

3/9/11

8:12 p.m.

One night, we stopped in a tiny and thin wood, leaving a large clearing a few meters away clear for Lupin and I; it was a full moon. We considered leaving because we thought for sure we could hear voices, but Draco and Tonks would be protected, and Lupin and I, once wolves, could take care of ourselves. Night had fallen, Lupin and I had drank the potions, and since it was currently cloudy, decided to broadcast a _Potterwatch!_.

"Hello, everyone, and welcome back to _Potterwatch!_ I'm your charming host, River. We apologize from our absence from the airwaves, Romulus and I have been feeling a bit ill lately, and Death Eater attacks certainly haven't helped. We just now found ourselves another secure location, and I am sorry to tell you that Rodent, I mean, _Rapier_ is unable to join us this evening, but we'll make do with out him." I started, settling against a log under our protective spells and kept an eye on the clouds. I started reporting on the deaths we currently knew about, and then had a moment of silence.

Harry

3/9/10

8:30 p.m.

Silence fell at Jenny's request, and we didn't speak, but looked at each other wordlessly. Ron had mentioned _Potterwatch!, _and had been trying for months to get the show on the radio. Now that he had, hearing Jenny's voice after so long was refreshing, it lightened the mood considerably.

"Thank you," said Jenny's voice, "And now we turn to regular contributor Romulus for an update on how the new Wizarding order is affecting the Muggle world."

"Thanks, River." Said the unmistakable voice of Lupin. "Muggles remain ignorant of the source of their suffering as they continue to sustain heavy casualties. However, we continue to hear truly inspirational stories of wizards and witches risking their own safety to protect Muggle friends and neighbors, often without the Muggles' knowledge. I'd like to appeal to all our listeners to emulate their example, perhaps by casting a protective charm over any Muggle dwellings in your street. Many lives could be saved if such simple measures were taken." I heard someone chuckle quietly in the background at the irony of that statement, considering Jenny was running the show. They pushed the point that every human life was worth saving, then they started a new segment.

"And now, the segment we love the most: 'Pals of Potter'." Lupin said, then asked, "River, do you maintain, as you have every time, that Harry Potter is still alive?" I felt my blood freeze.

"I do," Jenny said firmly. "There is no doubt at all in my mind that his death would be proclaimed as widely as possible by the Death Eaters if it had happened, because it would strike a deadly blow at the morale of those resisting the new regime. 'The Boy Who Lived' remains a symbol of everything for which we are fighting: the triumph of good, the power of innocence, the need to keep resisting." Jenny said, and it sent shivers down my spine.

"And what would you say to Harry if you knew he was listening, River?"

"I'd tell him that we are all behind him, and we are doing everything we can to help him, no matter what he's doing. Thank you, Romulus, for 'Pals of Potter'!" Jenny said cheerfully, and after a bit more information on our friends and Voldemort, she ended the broadcast.

"Good, eh?" Ron said happily.

"Brilliant." I heard myself say. I was focusing more on what Jenny had said about rumors of Voldemort being abroad. If that was true…he may be searching for the Elder Wand.

"It's so brave of them," sighed Hermione admiringly. "If they were found…"

"Well, they keep on the move, don't they?" said Ron. "Like us."

"But did you hear what Jenny said? I asked excitedly; now the broadcast was over, and parts of it fit in with the Hallows! "He's abroad! He's still looking for the Wand, I knew it!"

"Harry—" Hermione started, but I cut her off.

"Come on, Hermione, why are you so determined not to admit it it? Vol—"

"HARRY, NO!" Ron bellowed.

"—demort's after the Elder Wand?"

"That name's Taboo!" Ron bellowed again, leaping to his feet as a loud crack sounded outside the tent. "I told you, Harry, I told you, we can't say it anymore—we've got to put the protection back around us—quickly-it's how they find—" But Ron stopped talking, and I knew why. The Sneakoscope on the table had lit up and begun to spin; and I could hear voices coming nearer and nearer; rough, excited voices. Ron pulled the Deluminator out of his pocket and clicked it, plunging the tent into darkness.

"Come out of there with your hands up!" came a rasping voice through the darkness. "We know you're in there! You've got half a dozen wands pointing at you and we don't care who we curse!"

Jenny

3/9/10

9:02 p.m.

Almost as soon as we finished the broadcast, the clouds started to thin. Lupin quickly kissed Tonks goodbye, and Draco hugged me fiercely while I kissed his cheek. Then we went outside the protective spells, went our separate ways and quickly stripped off. Halfway through the change, I heard sharp cracks that sounding like wizards Apparating. As soon as the change was complete, I slunk back to where I had left Lupin. He was standing stock still, listening.

I started to creep forward, through grape-like bushes, towards the clearing we had so wisely avoided. A gang of Snatchers had appeared, with a large circle of prisoners. They were ransacking a tent half hidden in the bushes. "Who are you, girly?" I heard a rough voice ask, then my insides froze.

"Penelope Clearwater," said the unmistakable voice of Hermione. I snarled, and the wizards stopped moving to listen as it echoed around the forest.

"What was that, Scabior?" I heard a wizard ask nervously, holding his wand up to scan the bushes as I crept closer, listening to Lupin's paws cross around to get them from the other side. Blood was pounding in my ears. If there was one scratch on her, I was going to kill every single Snatcher.

"God, you are a pussy, aren't you? It was probably just some coyote or something." Scabior scoffed, a hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"Blimey, what is wrong with you? That didn't sound anythin' like a _coyote._" The nervous wizard took a step away from his fellows and raised his wand higher. "This is the woods, you know, and who knows what could be a lurkin' out in there—"

"Shut up, Gober." Snarled Scabior, and he tightened his grip on Hermione as he reached over and dragged the other wizard back by the arm. I took a few more steps forward and jumped soundlessly over some bushes to stand right behind them. Lupin wove silently out of his bushes to stand opposite me. Gober turned as my breath fluffed his hair, and when he turned, he whimpered pathetically as I bared my teeth in his face, then slashed my paw across him, snapping his wand and leaving long scratches down his front.

"What in Merlin's name-!" shouted Scabior as Lupin growled, his deeper than mine. I could feel the sound reverberate up through the ground. Spells bounced off of me like nothing as I jumped, and caught Scabior's head, tearing him away from Hermione and flinging him across the clearing, his wand flying the opposite direction. After a 30 second fight, all the Snatchers were either bleeding or laying on the ground trembling as Lupin paced among them, snatching up wands and crushing them in his jaws. I padded over to Hermione and bowed my head to meet her gaze, feeling the purr throb through my chest as her eyes widened.

"Jenny?" She whispered, rocking on her heels. I sat up tall and howled to the moon, thrilled to see her again. She looked alright despite the obvious rough handling from the Snatchers. I walked slowly around her and delicately sliced through her bonds with one claw, not even scratching her, then padded over to the group of people.

"Blimey, Jenny," Ron said weakly as I approached. "I never thought I'd be so glad to see you!"

"Jenny?" I heard Harry ask in the knot of people as I delicately began slicing people apart, then their own individual bonds, concentrating on not hurting anyone. It was difficult, Harry's face was so swollen he couldn't see, one goblin was unconscious, and the other conscious human besides Ron looked petrified. After a moment, Ron scrambled to his feet, helped Harry up, then ran and embraced Hermione. The both of them rifled through Snatcher pockets and took back their wands; Hermione removed a curse on Harry's face, then gave him back his glasses. He turned pale as his vision finally found Lupin and I, sitting calmly side-by-side. "No way," he breathed as Ron came over and after a moment's hesitation, pet my ears, making me purr again.

"Impossible," He breathed again, coming over slowly and with a slightly shaking hand, touched my long muzzle, jerking his hand away as he felt the vibrations from my purr.

"Is anyone else traveling with you?" Hermione asked, coming over and standing a good five feet back from us. Lupin nodded his head, making her gasp. "You both are honestly all right…" she reluctantly came over and stood in Lupin's huge shadow.

"Oh, Jenny, now that we are no longer in a whole lot of danger, can we get rides again? I told them about when you let me, and well—" He broke off as I started laughing, the choking purr mixed with little yips as my muzzle broke into a huge grin. I scrawled in the dirt: _We'll take you back to where we are staying, how's that?_ Harry and Hermione stared at us open mouthed as Ron dashed back to the tent, and after a minute or two, came back with a few knapsacks and bags. "How do you guys want to divide up the load?" Ron asked, and Lupin wrote: _I'll take your supplies. I'm sure Jenny can handle all of you; she is strong._ I grinned at Lupin and he started to laugh quietly as he knelt, letting Ron secure everything to his back.

"Come on, Hermione, it's not so bad. It's just Jenny, she knows who she is." Ron said encouragingly, as Harry settled down first, awe filling his face as he lightly pet the top of my head in shock. Hermione took Harry's hand and held on to him for dear life as Ron got on behind. I stood up and she gasped. Lupin had been right, I could handle them all. Lupin darted off, and with another howl that made Hermione gasp again, I dashed off after him, my excitement and adrenaline pushing me faster.

"_Bloody hell!"_ I heard Harry shout gleefully as I howled again, weaving easily between trees, jumping over fallen logs and bounding across streams and rocks. Lupin was way ahead, but he always would be faster than me. Moonlight that filtered through the trees hit my pelt and turned it a beautiful shimmering white color, almost like pearl. In a moment more, we were back, and I was standing outside the protective barrier next to Lupin. After a moment, Draco appeared, and then Tonks, who was swearing under her breath; running over to Lupin and embraced one of his giant legs, making him purr again, the vibrations passing through my paws.

"What happened, Jenny? We heard people shouting and Apparating…" Draco trailed off as I knelt, and he seemed to notice the golden trio on my back. There was awkward silence as they slipped off of me. To end any conversations that I couldn't control, I nudged Draco's side and he sighed, rubbing my ears. The trio was greeted warmly by Tonks, distracting them. I knew _that_ was going to be a problem…


	29. Holding On

Holding On

_I'm losing what's left of my dignity_

_But I'll fight till the end for her heart_

_I'll never give up for what's possibly_

_For better for worse this love must be cursed_

Jenny

3/10/11

12:26 a.m.

Tonks ushered the trio over the protective spells and after giving Lupin a kiss on his muzzle, making him purr, she followed them, leaving Draco and I alone as Lupin lumbered off into the woods once more, probably to sleep. "There still might be Snatchers and Death Eaters around, stay close and _stay safe._" Draco stressed, hugging my muzzle, which I snorted through. I would be alright no matter what, he knew that too. He smiled and pushed my shoulder, as if to tell me to go on. I nuzzled him firmly one more time, loving his icy minty scent before I leapt back into the woods without another sound. I found my way back to my clothing and curled up next to them, closing my eyes and listening to the woods before I drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, I was sore and hoarse again, as per the usual. I dressed and took a moment to stretch before starting the long walk back to the campsite. This morning was swampy and wet, not to mention cold. Logs I had bounded over easily last night required me to jump and climb over them, or walk a long way around each one. Despite Draco's warning, the woods was only full of birds chirping and the squelch of my feet sinking into the mire. My hands and feet were filthy, so on the way back I stopped at a stream to wash off the mud and filth. A sudden snapping of twigs made me turn quickly, and scan the surrounding woods warily. At that rude interruption, I walked faster back to camp, and took no more detours, especially when I heard more snapping branches and twigs. It could easily just be an animal, but these days I had to be careful.

I was just inside the last bit of woods before the clearing where the campsite was when there was a bang from a wand, and cords were suddenly twisting all around me, making me shriek in surprise as I fell from the force of it. Two strong hands picked me up and a deep voice muttered, _"Silencio."_ as Draco suddenly appeared. He had obviously been waiting inside the barrier, watching the woods.

"Jenny?" He called uncertainly, wand out and in front of him. I viciously jerked my shoulders out of the man's grasp and purposely fell into a bush, making branches and twigs snap and clack together. I looked up and felt the blood drain from my face as Kingsley seized the rope around my torso to pick me back up again, and put his free arm around my chest, holding me to him as he stayed where he was, wand out, watching Draco with a smirk on his face as I struggled fruitlessly.

He went back under the barrier, and Kingsley whispered to me, "Hello again, Jenny. Should we stick around to let them see us leave together? Or should we wait and kill everyone who walks out?" He chuckled as I strained against the tight black cords, desperate for him to just leave with me. What if Hermione, Ron and Harry came out? What if he killed _everyone?_ Tonks was pregnant, Lupin was going to be a father, and Draco, he couldn't kill him… Fear for everyone laced through my chest, tighter than the rope. "I think I'll let them see, and maybe kill Lupin," he chuckled as my face drained further of color and I froze. There was a good chance that Lupin was still outside of the protective spells… Kingsley raised his wand and held me tighter as Lupin and Draco stepped out, wands raised. Fear caught in my chest as Kingsley raised his wand, aimed right for Lupin's forehead. I writhed fiercely to make Kingsley shift around a bit to control me, making noise.

"_Expelliarmus!"_ Draco barked suddenly, shooting right into the woods. With a pop, Kingsley's wand flew into the air as he was caught unprepared. He dove for it, the force of it making me fall, hitting the log behind us with a loud _thunk, _immediately thrashing and straining for freedom. Lupin and Draco ran forward as Kingsley thundered after his wand. Draco tripped over me and over the log as Lupin jumped over both of us, charging after Kingsley. Draco swore and snatched his wand and waved the cords into oblivion. "Jenny, are you alright?" He sounded panicked as he picked me up. I went to answer him and when I couldn't, my hands flew to my mouth. Draco raised his wand to remove the curse as I heard Kingsley roar, "_Rictumsempra!"_ The jet of light hit Draco on the shoulder and blasted him off his feet and through the bushes. _"Expelliarmus!"_ I heard Kingsley bellow, and then there was a sharp snapping noise.

I snatched up Draco's wand and pelted after him as Kingsley bellowed, _"Rictumsempra!"_, and then feet were running after me as I shoved aside branches and leapt over logs. I heard a lighter pair of feet start running our way, but ignored it as I desperately searched for Draco's blond head as my pursuer got closer. With a crash, Kingsley jumped and as he fell, caught me around the waist. We hit the ground with a splash as we hit a puddle, the jarring impact on my already sore joints making me shriek again. I instantly kicked his face and leapt up again, finally spying Draco's head. He was lying under a tree, red staining the back of his head. I went to run over, but Kingsley seized my ankle, making me fall. On the way down, I threw Draco's wand at its owner, and it hit his knee, rousing him. I looked up to see Draco's eyes flutter open.

"_Jenny!"_ I heard Lupin shout, and I turned as Kingsley seized my arm. I pulled free and bitch-slapped Kingsley as hard as I could across the face, scrambling to my feet. Lupin was pushing through the woods. He had blood on his face, and was raising his wand. I only caught the look on his face as the woods vanished; Kingsley seizing my arm. Lupin had looked desperate. Kingsley and I appeared in front of two iron gates. I elbowed him in the stomach, releasing his hold, and then decked him as hard as I could across the face, splitting my knuckle. My hand closed around his wand when with a bang, he blasted me away from him, and I landed in a hedge a good five feet away. As I struggled out of the hedge, he stood up and spat blood out of his mouth, grinning.

"_Incarcerous."_ He said lazily as I finally got out of the hedge. Cord shot at me again, making me fall onto rough gravel as it twisted firmly around me like it had Draco until I couldn't move if I wanted to. "I've missed you, Jenny. I've missed you dearly." Kingsley laughed, lifting me over his shoulder as I thrashed the whole way up the walk. "Relax, Jenny. It's like you don't want to see me." He chuckled again as a blond witch who had to be Draco's mother opened the door and raised her eyebrows.

"Could you have possibly finished your job, Kingsley?" She said sarcastically, and I suddenly knew where Draco got it from. She seized my chin and examined my face when Kingsley put me down and put his wand across my throat. "Bring her in, we've been expecting you." She said coldly after a minute of me glaring into her grey eyes.

…

Draco

3/10/10

9:30 a.m.

Kingsley's spell blasted me off my feet and sent me hurtling through the woods. My head slammed into a tree and I crumpled beneath it, unable to get up as my head spun. I could hear people shouting, and running through the woods, but I was suddenly too exhausted to get up, even though I wanted to. Jenny needed protecting, she didn't have a chance against Kingsley with a wand-

Something hit my knee as someone crashed to the ground, making my eyes slowly open. Jenny was getting up after falling onto a log, Kingsley right behind her. I heard Lupin crashing through the woods and he called out, sounding desperate, making her spin as Kingsley's hands closed around her arms. With a sudden burst of energy, I reached down and grabbed my wand, forcing my head up to kill him. But with a pop, they were gone. I stared at the space where they had disappeared in horror, before I let my ringing head fall, my wand roll out of my hand, my eyes close.

_She was gone._

…

Jenny

3/10/10

9:45 a.m.

Kingsley undid my feet and marched me through the Malfoy's extravagant house hold, passing gilded mirrors and picture frames full of snooty looking wizards. Upon passing a mirror, I made the mistake of looking at my self. My hair was up still, but full of mud and blood from Kingsley. Dirt streaked down my face with scratches and bruises from tearing through the woods. As we passed through a doorway and into a dark room, any fear I had left drained. I had known the risks of spying for the Order.

The room had a long dark table, and seated along its length were Death Eaters. Some I even recognized from spying at the Ministry. Their gazes took me in, some continued to watch me as other smirked. My line of sight found the head of the table. Seated there was the most disgusting thing that I had ever seen. His face was pale and severe, with slits for a nose and gleaming red eyes that had cat like pupils. Curled around his chair was a gigantic snake, its forked tongue flicking through the air. "You captured her, I see." His voice was high, like a child's, but colder than the needles that pierced me during a change.

"Yes, My Lord." Kingsley said, and repulsion filled me. He had joined the Death Eaters then; he must have if he was addressing Voldemort that way.

"It must have taken considerable effort, either that or she lives in a hole." He commented, and the Death Eaters roared with laughter. His eyes took in my scratches and bruises, and the dirt covering Kingsley and me. He waved his hand to silence the Death Eaters, and they obeyed him instantly. "So this is the Order's young spy, a Muggle. A werewolf." He paused dangerously and rose, putting two spidery and white hands onto the table, leaning forward to look at me better. "There was a full moon last night, wasn't there? Interesting." He said, studying me further as the Death Eaters looked from him to me. "Speaking of werewolves," his gaze turned calculating, "You managed to kill Greyback. A simple Muggle, merely a _girl_…killed a man of that size and strength." He cocked his head to one side, looking at me almost with a curiosity. "Remove her bonds, Shacklebolt." He ordered, and instantly, they vanished. I didn't move, even when Kingsley stepped away and sat down at the table, leaving me at the opposite side of Voldemort.

"You make me very curious, Jenny Quinty. Very vexed, very…interested." He said softly, pushing away from the table and coming around it. Even when he moved, I continued to look at the back wall, even when he was next to me. "I can only imagine what is in your mind," he said it so softly, I barely heard it. He withdrew a white wand from his robes and touched my pony tail holder, snapping it. My hair silently cascaded down and he lifted his wand and ran it's tip along it, then down to the collar of my jacket. "Take this off." He said. When I didn't move, he moved in front of me and rapped his wand on it. The zipper vanished, and my jacket slipped off, leaving me in my tanktop. "Ah, I thought so." He brushed my hair back to examine the three visible bites, tapping the one on my neck lightly with his wand. "You said there were four bites, Shacklebolt." He spoke suddenly after a good five minutes of looking at them, examining the deeper impressions from Greyback's canine teeth, and then the other bites and scratches from my fight with Lupin.

"One is on her left side, My Lord." I didn't stiffen when he lifted up the side of my shirt and laughed softly.

"Four bites, less than a week away from the full moon. I bet these hurt, didn't they? I'm sure the change was…excruciating. But I hear that you have a high pain tolerance, is that true, Miss Quinty?" A tiny flash of surprise sounded in me at his politeness, but I still didn't answer. "Well, we might have to test that tolerance if you stay so quiet." He lightly threatened, so I turned to look at him. His face was so white and harsh, his eyes merciless yet still so curious. That curiosity disturbed me; what was he playing at? If I had learned anything from the wizarding world about him, he killed Muggles without another thought. The prolonged exposure to him was starting to make me anxious. We looked at each other a moment. "You must forgive me, Miss Quinty. I haven't dealt with a Muggle besides killing one in a long time. Allow me to jog my memory, will you please? _Crucio."_ The shredding from my bones started again, making me silently slump over. I plastered Draco's face in my mind, his determination, and forced myself to stay silent.


	30. Forsaken

Forsaken

_Now the day has come,_

_We are forsaken,_

_There's no time anymore_

_Life will pass us by,_

_We are forsaken,_

_We're the last of our kind_

Harry

3/10/11

2:03 p.m.

"I heard a bang and her shriek, so I went outside the barrier to see if she was there. I heard what sounded like struggling, so I came back to get Lupin. When I saw something move in the woods, I only went to disarm it. When it actually worked, Lupin and I ran over. I tripped over Jenny and got her untied. I was about to remove a silencing charm on her when he blasted me away. I hit a tree," Draco mumbled, looking like something inside him had died as Tonks examined the back of his head. There was a huge cut across it, and blood was pooling down his head neck and back. Tonks was silently crying as she healed it with a trembling hand.

"I went after Kingsley. We dueled, he disarmed me then punched me. Then he blasted me off my feet and went after Jenny again. I found my wand and ran after him. I got there as he Apparated." Lupin's voice was so quiet in his fury, I could barely hear him. He was trembling and glaring at the ground. He had huge bruises under his eyes, and I could tell his nose was broken.

"Where would he take her?" I forced myself to ask. A kind of ice had sealed my skin, making me feel sluggish and dumb.

"My house. It's their headquarters now." Draco whispered, gazing at the forest floor. He looked up, and his eyes were full of fire. "Which means there is no way to get her back. That house is a fortress, and with all the Death Eaters there, it will be impossible." He put his head in his hands as his brief moment of passion died.

"They'll kill her," croaked Tonks, who had sunken down onto a log, one hand on her bump, the other over her mouth. "She's a Muggle and a spy, they'll kill her." Hermione groaned into Ron's chest and cried harder.

"They won't kill her right away. Not yet." Draco said lifelessly. "They'll get as much information from her as possible. But I couldn't count on her living past the next full moon. They wouldn't take her out to transform." Lupin swore and punched a tree angrily.

"Are you saying there is _nothing_ we can do?" Ron asked shakily, holding Hermione tightly.

"Unless you know a way into my house that I don't." Draco snapped, stood up and left, walking dejectedly back into the woods.

…

Jenny

3/10/10

2:28 p.m.

"You were right about the pain tolerance, Shacklebolt. Look at her…still standing." Voldemort laughed softly as I stood up again, my limbs trembling uncontrollably. I hadn't cried, screamed or begged yet, only taken each attack silently. He didn't ask any questions, he didn't demand any answers or secrets. He would just torture me, wait for me to stand, walk around me for a bit, and then do it again.

"It's a rather unfortunate quality, My Lord." Kingsley said calmly, watching me with deep satisfaction. Voldemort did something strange. He came over and placed both hands lightly on either side of my head, watching me intently as I gazed lifelessly into his chest region, shaking.

"Why can this," he pressed lightly on my temples, "Muggle withstand more than one of my Death Eaters with no reaction? Why is this," he put a long spidery hand on my chest, "heart able to beat more strongly, hold more bravery and courage? Why can you handle more?" He asked me softly, placing his hand back on my head again. When I didn't answer, he paced around the table, occasionally glancing at me. Finally, he spoke, "I am on a schedule. Usually, I would use Veratisereum and kill you when I was finished; you are only a filthy stupid Muggle after all. However, you are the exception to my rule, and you've made me curious. I wonder how long you can survive, how much you would tell us under…pressure. Miss Quinty, it was an enlightening experience. Lock her in the cellar." Kingsley seized me and forced me roughly along, down a hallway, to a living room, to a door, down stairs to a dark and cold room, where he shoved me with all the force he could muster.

I stayed where I fell, crumpled to the ground. I felt like I was floating, every inch of me sore and screaming from the transformation and from the day's torture. "Is someone there?" A shaky yet musical voice asked into the darkness. I went to answer and stopped up short. Kingsley had never removed the silencing charm; all of my work to stay quiet had been useless. I weakly tapped the floor as my answer and pressed my face to the cold cement, trying not to cry. Something shifted, and then someone I thought I would never see again appeared, then knelt beside me. It was Hestia Jones, the missing Auror from the Order.

"Oh, Merlin no. Jenny?" She whispered, lightly touching my shoulder. I moved my head slowly to look at her. Her face was pale and sunken, her curly brown hair limp and ragged. "How did you get here?" She asked, and I slowly sat up then touched my lips and shook my head lightly. "Jenny, you can talk down here, it's alright." She said, but I shook my head again, wearily, and tapped my throat. "You _can't_ talk? As in you physically can't?" She asked, and I nodded. "Why? A Silencing Charm?" She asked, and I nodded. She sighed and sat back on her heels.

"Oh, Jenny, I hoped so dearly that you wouldn't be caught. Kingsley got Dedalus and I and brought us both here. We were questioned, I'm sorry. They…they killed Dedalus." She choked, and I hugged her gently. She resumed her narrative with a quiet sniff. "I don't know why I'm still here. I probably won't last much longer, now that you can tell them more." She went silent for a moment, and I lay back down, wincing as I moved to my back to watch the dark space above me. "I wish you could talk. We haven't heard anything." I looked at her, and she quickly added, "We aren't alone. A lovely young woman named Luna is here with us, and so is Mr. Ollivander, the wand maker."

"It's terrible to meet you here, Jenny. I'm Luna." Spoke the musical yet shaky voice.

"Hello," croaked a feeble man's voice.

Silence descended when I obviously couldn't say anything back to them. I thought of Draco, of Tonks, Lupin and my golden trio. What would happen to them, what had happened to them? Were there more Death Eaters, was anyone else killed, hurt? "Everyone stand back." A woman's voice said coldly, and I recognized Draco's mother. No one bothered to move as the door opened and she stepped inside, her wand lit, scanning the cellar and coming over and jerking me to my feet. She took my upper arm in her hand in a strong grip and led me back up the stairs and into the living room, where another woman was waiting. Her black hair was fierce, and she had heavily hooded eyes.

"Ah, the Muggle. Thank you, Cissy." She said, and Narcissa hesitated, glancing at me.

"May I speak with her a moment?" She asked, and the woman snorted.

"Don't take too much time, I'm on a schedule." Then she strode out, closing a door behind her, leaving us alone. Narcissa moved around me to stand in front, looking at me closely as I stared lifelessly past her like I had with Voldemort. "Your name is Jenny, correct?" she started, sounding strained. I didn't respond, and she suddenly grabbed my shoulders, looking down at me. I was surprised into looking back at her. "You've seen Draco recently, he cares about you, or he did, according to Shacklebolt." She ranted, and looked at me expectantly. I hesitated, then touched my throat, making her frown. "I don't care if you are thirsty." She snapped darkly, drawing her wand. I shook my head and touched my lips moved my hand away as if I was projecting sound and she looked at me a moment. "_Finite._" She pointed her wand at me and laughed darkly. "That idiot, Shacklebolt. Now," she lead me over to a chair and sat me down.

"You've seen Draco? Recently?" She asked, and I nodded after a seconds hesitation. This was his own mother, but I felt stupid for talking with her so willingly. "How did he look? Is he still a prisoner? Is he alright?" She whispered fiercely, on her knees to look up at me imploringly, desperately. I nodded, shook my head, then nodded, looking down into my lap as she sighed, sitting back on her heels and rubbing her face briefly. "Of course you won't talk to me…does he still care for your well being?" she asked, using Kingsley's words exactly, probably. I hesitated, then closed my eyes and spoke.

"He loves me." I said softly, my voice high and hoarse, and she flinched sharply, either from my voice or from what I said, I didn't know.

"Look at me," she ordered, and when I didn't, she took my chin and moved my face. I opened my eyes slowly. She was taking me in carefully. "You are beautiful…and his judgment is usually excellent…but a Muggle…" she looked at me in surprise and shock, almost amusement, letting go of my chin. "I believe you," she added unnecessarily, stowing her wand out of sight and standing up. After a hesitation, she asked quickly, "Is he happy and safe?"

"He's free from here," I whispered, and Narcissa gasped, then knelt down again until she was directly in my face.

"How much did he tell you? _Quickly._" She looked behind her, then back to me. "Did he say we were forced—"

"Cissy, I can't let you chat anymore." The woman said casually from the doorway. Without warning, Narcissa hit me full across the face, and backed up then over to her.

"Bella, she's all yours." She said this coldly, but from behind 'Bella's' back, she gazed at me worriedly and almost hungrily before she hurried away and her friend yanked me up from the chair and across the room, following me as she drew her wand lazily. She placed it right between my brows as she spoke.

"The Dark Lord has ordered me to question you, and I'm not leaving here until I get all the answers I require." She flicked away some of my hair with her wand as she pondered me. "I've heard you're strong…this should be interesting. Now…where are Harry Potter and his friends?" She asked, taking a step back. When I didn't answer, she lazily flicked a curse at me, which I dodged, then stood straight again as she lowered her wand in surprise, then scowled and whipped a curse at me faster, which I dodged again. This continued for about a minute more until she fired two at once, clipping my shoulder. It felt like my eyes were burning out of my head; I grabbed my face and sunk onto my knees, crouching over myself in agony. "Where are they?" she asked in a deadly calm when she finally lifted the curse.

It continued on and on, until the light vanished from the windows, until I was lying on the floor, gasping and trembling as she stood over me. She had asked me everything and anything, where Harry, Ron and Hermione were, what they were after, where Aurors were, what I had found out from the Ministry, ect.

I hadn't said a word.

"You leave me no choice, Muggle. _"Sectumsempra."_ She said, and I gasped sharply as I felt cuts appear on my chest, deep burning cuts that turned my white shirt red quickly. Then she disappeared for a moment, only to return with a bottle of clear potion. She forced me up and then into a chair, waving a wand over me. "_Immobulus." _She said, and I was suddenly frozen. She uncorked the Veratisereum and forced it down my throat.

"Where is Harry Potter?"

"Last time I saw him, he was in the middle of nowhere with us."

"Be more specific."

"I was traveling with Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks and Draco Malfoy. Lupin and I were changing one night when we heard a gang of Snatchers had my friends. We scared away the Snatchers and took them in."

"What are they after?"

"A secret mission from Dumbledore. I don't understand their quest."

"You were a spy for the Order of the Phoenix?"

"Yes."

"Where did you spy, and what did you find?"

"I was sent to the Ministry under a Disillusionment Charm. I would go to different offices and either steal documents or hide and take notes of things I heard. I found an eye, a list of Undesirables, an order to Taboo the word Voldemort, a list of misbehaving children at Hogwarts, and information on what Muggle-Born families were going to be prosecuted."

"What are you doing here, Lucius?" She suddenly asked viciously, mockingly. I paused.

"Narcissa wanted me to ask some questions about Draco while she was still drugged."

"And what if I'm not finished yet?" She challenged.

"Please, Bellatrix." Was all he said, and there was a moment's pause.

"I can always ask more of her tomorrow. Filthy Muggle didn't crack under all kinds of torture." I heard her mutter and complain, and someone left the room.

"Is your name Jenny?" A new voice asked. It was smooth and slightly deep and hoarse.

"Yes."

"How much did Draco tell you about our family, and what we were forced into?" He asked this quickly and quietly, but it was too late. I blinked once, three times, and I was suddenly staring into the face of Draco's father, making me start. They looked so much alike, it hurt. He looked desperate, like Narcissa had. "Please answer me, I won't hesitate to hurt you," He tried to sound threatening, but it had no effect on me whatsoever.

"I don't remember your question." I said to my lap, and I heard him inhale sharply at the sound of my voice. He obviously hadn't expected me to answer.

"How much did Draco tell you, about the Dark Magic we were forced into?" He asked.

"When he was questioned under Veritasereum by choice, he said that if you and your family hadn't joined, you would be killed. Later he explained why." I said softly, picturing him made me want to cry. Seeing his father, extraordinary in likeness to him didn't help.

"And he loves you?" His father sounded truly curious and relieved that his burning questions had been answered.

"Enough to be willingly questioned to make Wolfsbane Potions for me. He loves me…and…I love him." I whispered the ending, stiffening and closing my eyes, remembering his icy and minty scent from only a day ago as a wolf. His firm arms, giving me safety and comfort, his sarcasm, his eyes, his smile—

Mr. Malfoy put his hands on my shoulders as tears started to streak down my face as I could hear Draco plainly, as if he was next to me, telling me to be safe. "Thank you…and I'm sorry." I could hear the anguish in his voice as he helped me up and walked me back down the steps, back to the cellar.

Once down there, I made myself a promise. I loved Draco, my friends and my second adoptive family. I didn't know what I had told Bellatrix, but in case I was physically tortured again, I had to forget everything, everything about them, to keep them safe. I inhaled silently, remembering Lupin's face, Tonks' laugh, Harry's sarcasm, Ron's smile, and Hermione's kindness. The Weasley's happiness that often inspired my own… Then as I forced everything else away, I remembered Draco's icy and minty scent from when I was a wolf for the last time before I forced myself to not think about it, to forget it for good.


	31. Somewhere

Somewhere

_Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign_

_Instead there is only silence,_

_Can't you hear my screams?_

_Never stop hoping,_

_Need to know where you are_

_But one thing's for sure,_

_You're always in my heart_

_I'll find you somewhere_

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day_

Jenny

3/20/11

1:24 a.m.

Everyday, Bellatrix beat me. It didn't matter the time, nor the day. Sometimes she would ask for information, somedays she would just beat me, curse me and scream at me when I didn't. My body slowly grew more and more emaciated, bony and battered. I was forced to shut down all my emotions and hope, and turn into a cold, uncaring shell. I didn't think of anyone who cared about me, who would be looking for me.

I became good friends with Luna and Ollivander. Their friendship and strength was what kept me going, especially when they took Hestia. It had been random. I thought they were there for me, but when they took her away, I never saw her again. I knew she was dead, we all did, but there was no time to mourn, no time to honor her memory. One night I had the strength to carve her initials into the wall and the date with the rusty nail, but that's all I could do for her.

One night, at random, at who knows what time, the door flew open, and Bellatrix came in, seized me, and walked out without a word. I dreaded her. I wouldn't submit to physical torture, so she always drugged me. My mind wasn't mine anymore, and it drove me crazy. I didn't know what I was telling them, and if I would someday be responsible for someone's death. I knew Hestia and Dedalus died for keeping me safe, and that made me hate myself more than I could say.

Bellatrix punched me hard in the face, sending me spinning onto the hearth from the force of it. I used to fight her back. The first few times, I would be winning until she Stunned me. Now I didn't try anymore. Especially when the Malfoy's came to watch. I don't know why they would. Sometimes they would come and watch, their faces and eyes full of sadness and anger, but they never did anything. Their faces had been terrible the day I nearly beat Bellatrix. Her hands tore me back into the center of the room, and shoved me down. Her feet kicked into my ribs with dull thuds that echoed through the house. She snatched a lamp and went to throw it down over my face when the door opened, and a Death Eater I didn't know ran over, looking horrified.

"Bellatrix, my love. Gringotts, Gringotts owled us." He panted, and Bellatrix dropped the lamp in shock, sending glass shards exploding everywhere, deep scratches embedding glass into my neck, face, and then hands as I picked them out silently as she turned her attention to the man.

"And? Is everything alright with the vault? _Everything is secure?_" She asked urgently, almost in a possessed fashion as her boy and her clasped hands.

"A problem, Bellatrix?" A high cold voice asked calmly enough, but anger bubbled just below the surface. I stood shakily, and saw Voldemort standing in the doorway, his snake wrapped around his shoulders. His face looked dangerously smooth. I assumed my normal position, staring at one wall stiffly, but listened for everything I was worth. I was still a spy at heart.

"No, never My Lord. Our vault is untouchable. Your possession is very well protected." The man said quickly, and Voldemort sighed, stepping into the room. Posession? Did that mean a Horcrux?

"You should hope that it is, Bellatrix, considering you have not completed what I asked of you." He said, and I felt his glittering eyes on me.

"M-My Lord? I don't understand. I gave you the memories of the questionings." Bellatrix sounded afraid now, as Voldemort stepped closer.

"I told you to see how much pain she could take before she broke. You only induced the pain until your patience wore out. I wanted to see how strong Muggles can really be. I am displeased."

"Many apologies, My Lord. I wanted you to receive the information you asked for as quickly as possible. If you want, I shall beat her longer." Bellatrix turned on the spot and slapped me across the face with her knuckles. Since I was turned sideways and looking ahead of me, I didn't see it until it was too late. A sharp crack followed her blow, and I felt something in my face break.

"Stop, Bellatrix." He said softly as I stayed where I had turned, holding onto my face, feeling the blood flow over my fingers and onto the floor. Suddenly cold and firm hands turned me, and they closed around my wrists, pulling my hands away from my bleeding face. I felt a finger tilt my chin, and when my eyes opened, Voldemort was looking down at me once more.

"I've thought about you since we last met, Miss Quinty. You are a Muggle, touching you should repulse me. But the qualities you possess, your mind set, your determination…It is all very fascinating to me. Your blood does not look any different than any other wizard's, yet what does it not possess that mine does?"

"Purity. Purity and Magic." Bellatrix said proudly beside her man, and Voldemort laughed softly.

"Allow me the pleasure," He said, and then his hands were on either side of my head, and he was gazing into my eyes intensely, their evil redness burning into my eyes. His pupils dilated slightly, then he quickly let go, but his hands hovered on either side of my head. "The Dark Magic," he said, "of a werewolf transformation is now within my understanding. But it vexes me as to why your mind and body had and has more power than mine." I said nothing, only stiffened and closed my eyes as he stroked my limp hair with his hands. He was reading my mind: What was he seeing? "Answer me this, Miss Quinty. Where does your strength come from?" His hands tightened on my head as I hesitated.

"It matters not, My Lord. You are stronger than she will ever be." The man said firmly, and Voldemort's hands tightened momentarily, then let go of me.

"I wonder if you are more willing to answer with a little dose of pain." I opened my eyes.

"P-pain is not my enemy, because I can not d-define it; therefore, it does not define me." I said firmly, speaking louder than I had in weeks, and stupidly speaking right to Voldemort's face. But I knew this would simply speed along what was already going to happen. He recoiled slightly in shock. I went back to staring at my spot on the wall, waiting for the curse to end it all.

Voldemort turned and paced quickly and furiously around the room, looking deep in thought. "Her strength comes from her wisdom. But Muggles do not have wisdom, they do not have what she has. Being a werewolf cannot possibly add that to a being, Greyback was an example enough of that." I flinched at the name before I could stop myself. I was physically drained; my mind was stretched to its limit. I was making Voldemort second-guess himself over a _Muggle._ It was dangerous territory, being the source of his fascination. I knew that fascination would die as his frustration grew, and I would be killed. I couldn't help but wonder why he was so fascinated about Muggles' anyway, he hated them. He could kill me in an instant. He _should_ have killed me two weeks ago.

"Leave us." He said to the Lestranges, and they left without another word, leaving me alone with the Darkest Wizard of all time. He flicked his wand at the fireplace, and fire erupted in it, and as the warmth passed over me, I nearly ran over there to bask in its warmth. It felt like warm soup on a cold day, my cold and broken body crying out for heat. "Sit." He said, and slowly, I turned and sat stiffly on an armchair, staring at the floor, annoyance and hatred building inside me. He should have killed me awhile ago. Tiny rays of hope started to enter my mind before I squashed them violently. _I will never see my friends and 'family' again. Lupin and Tonks and the Order and the Weasley's and the trio will move on. Draco will be alright without me._

"You display strength without your realization. You are right to prepare yourself for death, but I cannot understand why a Muggle can do such a…heinous task. I want to ask you questions, yet I know not what to ask. You have me feeling like a schoolboy. I do not like to feel this way, and I haven't for 54 years. I wish to rid myself of you, but I can't bring myself to do it, nor let one of my own do it for me…have you nothing to say?" I looked up to see him looking impatient.

"I have nothing to say that will change what you decide. I cannot tell you what you want to hear." I murmured, looking back at the floor.

"Hmmm…truthful, yet so dissatisfying. How maddening." His soft voice grated my nerves sharply as we lapsed into silence. "Disappointing. Go back down to the cellar knowing that you will be killed within the next two weeks. Know that I am giving you time in case I think of a way to express this need for knowledge." I stood and walked to the door, and I heard him follow me, even down the steps to unlock the door, then lock it again as I walked back inside my prison, mind blown.

…

Harry

3/20/10

2:54 a.m.

"_Harry!"_ someone shouted roughly, and I shot straight up, heart hammering. In my dreams, I had connected to Voldemort's mind, and from there, to Jenny's. I couldn't understand why Voldemort still cared about Muggles. His past had helped throughout their exchange, but it disturbed me, his thoughts.

And Jenny, Jenny, looking so hopeless and cold, looking so battered and dead. Through Voldemort, I had been in her mind, knew that she was so willingly able to steel herself into not showing signs of pain during interrogations, not showing pain or grief for her own fate. It sent shivers up my spine and tears down my face.

And then, in the beginning, Bellatrix had been panicking over her vault, and her husband had told Voldemort that his possession was safe. Could that possibly be a Horcrux, the Cup from Hufflepuff we were searching for? My vision focused to see Lupin standing over me, wand drawn, while everyone was sitting up in their beds, looking at me in worry and shock. Hermione, Ron and I had stayed with Tonks, Lupin and Draco, even though we had the Horcruxes to hunt down. Everyone had been silently counting down the days until the full moon, when we would give up hope for good.

"I was in his head, and Jenny was there, he went into her head and I felt it, I saw it-" Draco leapt out of bed at her name, and Hermione shrieked, Ron paled, Tonks gasped and Lupin stiffened.

"You saw her? What did she look like, is she alright?" Draco demanded, coming over and helping me up.

"I-no-well, no, she's been," I swallowed, feeling sick, "tortured. A lot." I looked around and seized a bowl off the table and my wand, then retrieved the memory. I had to get it out of my mind. "I can't h-have it in my head anymore. You can look if you want." I turned away from the bowl and grabbed my hair, thankful that the memory was gone, but unable to squash the horror and grief surging through me.

Draco viewed the memory, and when he came back out, even he had tears brimming over his eyes as he went back to his bunk and got in it without another word.


	32. Utopia

Utopia

_The burning desire_

_to live and roam free,_

_It shines in the dark_

_And it grows within me_

Jenny

4/4/11

4:36 p.m.

The days leading up to the full moon had been the hardest on my body than ever before. Voldemort had given the Death Eaters the privilege to beat me or curse me whenever they felt the need, so I was never fully resting. I knew today was my last day because I was messed with non stop, especially by Kingsley. He wasn't the first Death Eater to touch me inappropriately, but he was the last and most aggressive with his groping. He would chuckle under his breath the whole time, saying things like, "So much muscle, so little brains," or, "Not so tough now, are you, you filthy Muggle bitch?"

Finally, another Death Eater called him away, and after a moment, someone else came in to the room I had been moved to 4 days ago, so that Death Eaters could get to me easier. The room was literally made floor to ceiling of cement, with no windows and only one door. The room was freezing. "Jenny?" Mr. Malfoy's voice made my eyes open for the first time that day. He shut the door and came quickly over, crouching next to me. He reminded me so much of Draco it hurt more than the beatings and torture.

"M-Mr. Malfoy, I loved y-your son v-very much." My teeth chattered; the room was like a meat locker. I knew I had pretty much gone mad, if that's all I could say. His face twisted but he helped me stand and then sag against the wall when I couldn't stand properly. My legs were trembling from lack of use and food. The movement, even with help, made my head ring and the room waver.

"Listen to me. I've been ordered to take you to the woods and kill you. I need you to come with me and go along with whatever I do, no matter who joins us, you understand?" He said this all urgently and firmly, and I nodded, past caring anymore. If he was actually going to kill me, good for him. He gently turned me around and tied my hands, then took my arm firmly and roughly pushed me from the room and through the house, laughing with Death Eaters as we passed, sometimes kicking the backs of my legs to make me walk faster. Narcissa joined us, laughing and smirking, taking her husbands arm. They strolled down the path of their house behind me as I walked, staring around me, wondering if this was the last time I was going to see the world. It had never looked so beautiful. Once we were outside its gates, He took my arm and we Apparated to a woods, where he untied me instantly. "Jenny, we need your help. We need to know where a safe location is for us to hide us and you."

My mind tiredly flicked through possibilities and came up with nothing…until I remembered where Bill and Fleur lived…could they possibly be there?

"Sh-Shell Cottage." I gasped, starting to slump as huge black spots swarmed across my vision and my weak muscles failed. I felt Mr. Malfoy catch me and hold me up. I weakly tightened my grip on his arm, trying to clear my head and not pass out at the same time. I didn't understand why the Malfoy's wanted to hide, and why they weren't killing me. Did they actually care?

"Shell Cottage? Is that what she said?" I heard Mr. Malfoy ask. "The one by the ocean? None of the Auror's mentioned it in interrogations, and Shacklebolt doesn't know, it's a possibility…"

"We don't have time. We need to Apparate to a new spot, we will be missed already." Mrs. Malfoy sounded beside herself, and I felt us Apparate again. "Hurry, Lucius, we're losing her and time." We Apparated a third time, and I smelled sea. Mr. Malfoy picked me up in his arms like I weighed nothing, and considering I had eaten almost nothing for a month, I probably didn't weigh much.

"There is a w-white f-f-fence and gate in f-f-front of you. Then there is a c-cottage." I whispered painfully, but he somehow heard it, and then I heard the squeak of the gate, a moment of just footsteps, then voices.

"What are you doing here?" My heart soared at the sound of Lupin's voice echoing in my brain. It sounded fiercely depressed and angry. Scuffles sounded from inside the house, it sounded like someone was being held back. I didn't have the courage to lift my limp head to look, nor to even open my eyes. My head was pounding, and darkness was gathering at the edges that was probably blissfully comfortable…

"We have been trying to escape the Dark Arts for years. When we learned that Jenny knew and loved or son, we fought and finally won the right to kill her. Instead of doing so, we came here as soon as she could tell us where to go." Mr. Malfoy was saying, but his wife cut in.

"You don't have time for this, please, just let us in. Here," She reached into her husbands pocket and threw his wand aside, and then I heard hers follow. After a moment, I heard the door fly open, and then footsteps flying over.

"_Jenny!_ God, Jenny-" Draco sounded destroyed, and I felt a tender hand stroke my beat-up face, his fingers trembling over cuts, swelling and bruising- then we were moving quickly, voices were talking, and then there was softness. I was in a bed, a real, soft bed. I could barely register that I was away from that Manor, that I had survived. A hand took mine and was holding it like it was their soul, their hands trembling around mine.

"Here, a Wolfsbane and Blood-Replenishing, and here is a Healing Potion. I'll close the curtains. We can't let any bit of moonlight get in here, and she can't transform, it will kill her." Tonks sounded coldly determined. A hand gently picked up my head and neck, then the disgusting flavor of the Wolfsbane potion was passing through my lips, then two others with no flavor.

…

I knew I slept for the longest time. I would wake up on and off, but my body always felt ripped and broken. As my strength steadily increased, so did my memory, until I had enough determination and stamina to pull myself from the sleep, from the nightmares.

I recognized the room I had stayed in at Shell Cottage instantly and with a happiness that made some of the coldness melt in my heart. On a quick glance around, I noticed Draco standing by one of the windows, looking out. Just seeing the back of him melted more of the coldness, and let hope and happiness back inside. Tears started to trace down my face, which didn't feel swollen or sore anymore. "Draco," I whispered, and he whirled from the window at the sound of my voice. He froze there, seeing that I was awake. I went to sit up and gasped, it hurt terribly. I didn't see him move, but he was suddenly supporting me, lifting me up to sit comfortably, then hugged me fiercely. I shuddered and gasped around him, his touch and presence intoxicating. He pulled back to stroke and hold my face with both hands.

"I thought I'd lost you forever." He choked, his silver eyes swirling with absolute misery. I leaned forward and kissed him feebly, slowly working my arms out from under the covers, trying to ignore the pain the movement created, and then just held him as close to me as I could allow. My arms trembled as I weakly tightened my grip on his shoulders. His non-violent contact was the first in a month. His presence alerted me once more to the fact that I wasn't going to die.

"I had to tell myself that I had. I had to, I'm sorry," I whispered tearfully, his icy/minty scent stirring up a change in memories that I relished. I had locked down what I had left behind as soon as I set foot inside his house, to protect him as much as I could, to keep me from begging and crying. It had saved my life, but had turned me crazy. It felt wrong to feel safe, yet I felt guilty for what I had done.

"Harry saw you through his mind's connection to _him_, and gave us the memory. I looked at it, the night Bellatrix broke your face." His jaw clenched beside my ear as he held me protectively when I gasped softly. "I was going insane." The memory of Bellatrix opened up new ones I had hoped to forget.

"I was drugged, I was forced to tell them things, and I can't remember what I told them, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I ranted, trembling harder when I remembered all the hours I would spend trying not to picture the consequences of what I had been forced to say. Draco held me tighter as I trembled in his grasp, remembering the force feedings of Veritasereum.

"You're safe now, I won't let that ever happen again. _Ever._" He swore, pulling back and holding my hands, his smile making tears start again. "You need food, and Lupin and Tonks-" He went to get up, but my frail hands found the strength to hold on to him.

"Please-don't go, don't leave. Just hold onto me." I whispered, and he obliged, giving me the embrace I had dreamed about for the past month.


	33. Faith In The Knife

Faith In The Knife

_The past intentions,_

_They never got me by_

_I can't escape this_

_It has overcome my mind_

Jenny

4/4/11

5:09 p.m.

Draco just held me as I trembled in his arms, rememorizing his smell, his face…_him._ I hated myself more than ever before for forcing myself to forget about him. But I hadn't forgotten about Luna and Mr. Ollivander- they had been left in that cellar, I was sure of it. "Draco? …_Jenny?"_ A familiar voice said in shock, making me raise my head from Draco's shoulder and open my eyes. Tonks was standing in the doorway, one of her hands supporting her baby-bump.

"Tonks," I whispered staring at her. Her bump had grown in the month I had been gone, and all of her skin seemed to have a light glow to it. The only exception to her aura of perfection was her face; it was twisted with sadness. Draco let go just in time as Tonks flew around the bed and seized me, her bump making me have to stretch to hug her like I wanted to, even if it hurt. Stuttering unintelligibly, she broke my hold easily and cupped my face, tears falling into her lap as she ran her thumbs over my hollowed cheeks. I couldn't stop staring at her. My mind was scaring me; I couldn't remember her face from anytime before.

"What did they do to you?" She breathed finally, after swallowing hard, stopping her stutters and taking my hands lightly. Hers had warmth and strength. I felt my face and body freeze when she said that, and I looked down, closing my eyes to repress the strongest memory I could remember: Kingsley spreading me out, running his disgusting hands over my torso, smirking as his fingers ran over my prominent ribs- "Jenny, you're alright now, you'll get better, you're safe." Tonks rambled quickly, making my eyes open slowly. "Let me go get everyone, I'll be right back," Tonks rushed from the room, and Draco came back over to sit in front of me, kissing my forehead and taking my hands.

"Are you going to want to talk about it?" He asked quietly, and I felt a tiny smile come across my lips, the first in a long, _long_ time. The feeling of knowing that he was asking me first rather than pressing me for answers let me know that he was definitely the one.

"I learned some information while I was there…I'll share that for sure." I said softly, looking up at him when he made an angry noise.

"You're still in survival mode." He said, and it wasn't a question. I was going to answer him when a crowd of people screeched to a halt in the doorway, and after some pushing and shoving, Hermione bolted out of the group and flung herself at me, and I returned her affection; giving her the tightest hug I could. I knew I was trembling, and I could feel the tears on my face when she finally let go of me.

"You were so accepting of dying and keeping our secrets," she croaked finally, after staring at me for what felt like forever. It took me awhile to remember the last time I had seen her.

"I had to be." I barely said it before she was hugging me again, and then I realized that was just what I needed. When Hermione let go, I got hugs from Bill, Ron, Harry, Hermione (again), Draco (again), and Tonks (again) before Lupin came over and embraced me silently. I still remembered how angry and destroyed he had sounded when Malfoy's parents appeared at Shell Cottage on my directions. I couldn't imagine what had been going through his head when we were spotted. It sent shivers down my spine as I realized he probably had accepted that I had died.

"Damn it, Jenny," He croaked, and sat back, hastily wiping at his face with his sleeve. "I thought for sure you were dead."

"I was as good as if not for Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy. Thank you both." I said earnestly as I could. It came out softer than I wanted it to, but the silent blond couple in the corner smiled and nodded silently. "I missed you, missed you all, even if I couldn't show it or believe in it. I did." I looked at my trio. "The three of you need to steal a cup with the Hufflepuff logo on it from the Lestrange vault at Gringotts. I'm almost positive it's a Horcrux."

"Jenny, stop that. That should be the farthest from your mind right now. You need to wait and rest." Hermione said tearfully, but my cold heart ignored it.

"_He_ isn't waiting, and neither are the Death Eaters, so why should I? They were going to kill me, they were lax with their security, and I heard and saw things. I have to get it out of my head. Please." I said flatly, almost in a monotone. When no one said anything, I continued. "The cup is small and gold. The Lestranges freaked out when they thought their vault had been jeopardized, and talked about it often."

"We already know. In my dreams, I get in his head once and awhile. I saw that night, felt his fear if it had been breached. We were going to go for it already, but we wanted to stay incase you came out of this alive." Harry said almost angrily, and like from a dream, I remembered what Draco had said earlier, about already seeing Bellatrix hit me. I shivered when I remembered the rest of that night, Voldemort's sick curiosity with a Muggle that defied his usual expectations.

"So you saw the whole thing." I said finally, and his face hardened. So I hadn't been imagining Voldemort's curiosity. It was one of the main factors that kept me alive, but it was so _sick. _

"Jenny…what did they do to you? I need to know to make sure you heal correctly." Tonks said before I could say anything more, and her words made me stiffen. The memories pushed, and I knew they would release like a bullet from a gun if I wasn't careful.

Draco

4/4/10

5:45 p.m.

The Jenny I thought I knew had vanished. Her beautiful long hair was filthy and knotted still, and there was dirt and blood on her neck, arms and face. Jenny's face was hollowed and blank, yet tortured at the same time. She reminded me of the wasted faces and bodies of prisoners in Azkaban. She had the same mindset, do what you can to survive, and nothing else matters. She was putting her own condition aside to help out Harry, Ron, and Hermione for Merlin's sake. She seemed to take a deep breath, then answered Tonks' question. "It varied with each Death Eater. Some preferred the Cruciatus Curse, but when I didn't scream," I made an angry noise, but she continued, "most of them went for a more…physical approach."

Tonks hesitated, looking around at everyone and bowing her head. I knew that she had been the one to heal Jenny, what she said next rooted me to the spot. "Jenny…you had a lot of…hand shaped bruises, like you had been-been groped." Jenny looked into her lap and closed her eyes before answering.

"Towards the end…Voldemort gave the males free-reign. I wasn't raped, but some of them got close." She whispered. Hot, swooping anger filled my stomach and my head, until my pulse throbbed in my temples.

"I'll kill them. I'll kill _all_ of them." I swore, and her eyes snapped open.

"I don't want you to be a killer because of me, Draco." She said softly. "Their time will come." She insisted quietly, and I looked at her in disbelief.

"Jenny, these people were going to kill you, tortured you, and nearly raped you. I won't if you don't want me to, but think about it before-"

"I've thought about it for a month. I don't want anyone to go looking for them. I'll be fine in a few days," she stopped as Tonks spluttered, "Fine, weeks, but this isn't about getting even. Ron, Harry, Hermione-you need to move on. I don't mean to freak you all out, but everyone is depending on you." After silent hugs and promises to see her again, the 'golden trio' left, and I was glad to see them go.

After a brief moment of silence, Lupin spoke. "Jenny, since everyone thought you were going to die…Tonks and I made a decision to honor you memory, but since you didn't die, I want to make sure it's alright with you." Her brow creased slightly.

"What did you two decide?" She asked, looking curious. It made happiness ignite inside of me; I could always count on Jenny's curiosity. If she was curious, she would get to the bottom of anything. Lupin took a deep breath.

"We decided that we would adopt you. We want you as a daughter, Jenny, if you'll have us." Tonks said, both hands resting on her belly. Jenny's face lit up, and it was like sunlight coming out from behind clouds. It brightened her whole face.

"You're not serious? I'll have a little sibling?" She asked, and both Lupin and Tonks nodded. My heart nearly exploded when she started to laugh, it was slightly hoarse and cracked, but it lifted my mood considerably, and it made Lupin and Tonks grin like idiots. I already highly approved. "Of course I will! I would never see my real parents again anyways, so yes, a thousand times yes, Mum and Dad!" Tonks came over and hugged her hard, while Lupin stood there, looking like he would burst with pride and happiness, but I could see his underlying anger about what had happened, and what the Death Eaters had done to his daughter. I didn't blame him one bit.

Fleur got Jenny some food; she didn't eat much, but then again, she hadn't eaten much for the past month. Lupin got a Patronus message sent to the Weasley's, telling them that Jenny was alright, and that she was now Jenny Lupin-Quinty. She thanked my parents again, and they had a surprisingly teary conversation-I had never seen my father cry until today. It was slightly disturbing. Once everyone left us in peace, I crawled in next to her and held her close, and once she fell asleep, she was holding on to me like I would save her life.

She woke up 15 times during the night with nightmares. She kept referring to Luna Lovegood and Mr. Ollivander, so I assumed that they were imprisoned at my house. Jenny cried a lot. Rage I told her I wouldn't feel boiled strongly just under the surface. Her mind was scarred and riddled with bad memories. When the time came, hopefully soon, I was going to kill every Death Eater that touched her.

Especially Kingsley.


	34. The Only Medicine

The Only Medicine

_Oh my god there must be something_

_Something to take the pain away_

_And so there's nothing you can give me_

_It's probably better off that way_

Jenny

4/14/11

3:32 p.m.

I felt alive and free.

My days were spent in a sort of giddy and light mess. I was never alone, and as I felt better and healed faster, I was no longer restricted to just my room. With slight prodding, and great patience from Draco, I managed to convey the feelings from the month locked in the cellar of his house. How it felt wrong to be safe and not on guard. How guilty I still felt for forcing myself to feel like all of my family and friends didn't matter; that my life was unimportant.

It was night that made things difficult. Draco slept with me, but the nightmares made me feel like I was still doomed. I would wake up trembling, with a raw throat from screaming. In my dreams, I would break down every time I was tortured again, and I would scream from the pain, and then from the defeat. I would tell them everything, anything important. It made me feel destroyed. And then the dreams of being groped again would come. The sick, dirty feeling of being totally helpless would make me cry myself awake. Then Kingsley would be stroking me, touching every inch of me he could, verbally abusing me and threatening me.

However, the worst dream of all would be nothingness until I would 'wake up' to find a satisfied looking Death Eater, and a bottle of Veratisereum to my left. I would never know what they asked me, and what they found out. There were so many surprise interrogations and force-feedings that made my skin crawl when I remembered them. It changed my mood. Sometimes, I would crave solitude, to be alone, so that I could be ashamed in silence. Other times, I needed someone with me, it didn't matter who it was, just _someone_ who I knew wouldn't hurt me.

Despite my crazy moods and dreams, I could feel nothing but happiness and excitement for Tonks as she got closer and closer to having her baby. She refused to have a midwife, she insisted that Fleur, Narcissa and I could deliver her baby just fine, so no one knew the sex yet. It made me incredibly nervous, I had learned about how babies were delivered in Health Class, but I had never _done_ it before and rightly so. But Tonks, my 'Mum' (she would yell at me for calling her that, she said she was too young yet.), insisted that it would work out.

We were sitting together on the cliffs, watching the ocean when she grabbed her belly. She had done this before to freak me out, so I ignored her for a moment. When she didn't move her hands, I looked over at her. She looked paler than usual. "Tonks?" I asked, and she looked up at me, looking like her mind had just been blown by a logic puzzle or something, that strange mix of surprise and realization. She also looked scared shitless.

"It broke. The water broke." She said almost dreamily, and I swore under my breath before apologizing to the bump that would soon be my brother or sister. I had promised myself that my fiery temper wouldn't allow me to swear around my little sibling.

"Ok, stand up, nice and easy, come on..." I helped Tonks up and almost carried her to the house, despite her complaints and threats. I was feeling a lot better and stronger. They were letting me work out again, and the powerful feeling of being deadly and in control helped with the nightmares. It also made me strong again, if not stronger than before. "_Narcissa! Fleur! Her water broke, let's move!"_ I shouted at the ceiling before helping Tonks waddle into the guest room which had been converted into a nursery. Feet thundered from upstairs coming down, and Fleur and Narcissa appeared first, then a group of men behind them, Lupin in the lead, looking green.

"Hey, Lupin only please, until we kick him out too." Narcissa closed the door in the other men's faces as Lupin kind of sprinted to Tonks' side as she started to huff and puff.

"You are a strong woman, Tonks. I know you can do it." Lupin said shakily, and its level of adorableness made me 'awwww' inside as I helped Fleur get off Tonks' shoes and pants. Narcissa flicked her wand at the supplies we had sitting ready and started to heat water, boil rags, and Merlin knows what else.

"Holy _shit_, goddammit, FUCK!" Tonks screeched, and it sent us scrambling to finish getting ready. Narcissa slowly started to pry Lupin away.

"Remus, I know you are concerned, but you've seen enough of Tonks' vagina for the moment. You can come back in when she's popped that sucker out, alright?" she said patiently. It still shocked me, her easy going slightly sarcastic nature when she wasn't acting regal or like a Death Eater's wife. It made her a great person to be around, and it even made Tonks laugh before another contraction came, making her scream more obscenities at the wall opposite her. Before Lupin could object, Narcissa pushed him out the door and then came over to me.

"Since this would be really awkward for you, more awkward then it will be with just me, I'll check to see how dilated she is…oh hot dragon dung, this baby is coming fast." She said after checking Tonks.

"Drink zes. It vill help with ze pain in ze contractions." Fleur ordered, then pawed through the supplies and swore long and hard in French. "We need zome essence of dittany, and—" Tonks shrieked something behind her about how she was going to castrate Lupin for doing this to her, and it drowned out her words for a moment. "Go, Jenny, go to ze kitchen, ze bottle should be labeled…!" She ended up shouting from over by Tonks as she mopped her forehead. I took off with out another word, dashing down the steps.

The men had a bottle of firewhisky open on the table, and they all looked slightly drunk as I dashed through the door and over to the cupboard. "What is it? What's wrong? What do you need? Is Tonks alright? What are you looking for? Can I help? What—" Lupin started, leaping to his feet and addressing my back as I pawed frantically through cabinets, but Lucius grabbed his shoulder and lightly pushed him back down, and refilled his glass of firewhisky.

"Um, nothing is really wrong at the moment," I paused and winced as Tonks shouted something foul upstairs, "well, as good as it's going to go, umm-er, wait, got it!" I seized a bottle full of green stuff and bolted back out of the room, ignoring Lupin as he shouted something after me.

"How are the men taking it?" Narcissa asked as I came back into the room and had the dittany snatched by Fleur.

"They are trying to get Lupin drunk," I informed them, holding Tonks' hair back from her face. It was currently down to ear shoulder height and brunette. Seconds later, she was bald, and then she was sporting a monobrow.

"Ah, figures. What do you see, Fleur?" She asked as Tonks puffed for a moment.

"Well…ze baby has blue hair." Fleur said after a moment, sounding slightly mortified. A huge grin broke out over Tonks' face.

"REMUS, REMUS ITS A METAMORPHAGUS! FLEUR SAYS IT HAS BLUE HAIR RIGHT NOW!" She shouted at the top of her lungs.

"REALLY?" I heard Lupin bellow back, sounding slightly drunk.

"Now ze hair ees…rainbow. Wait, now ze hair ees—_sacre bleu!"_ She shrieked, and after a moment of Tonks screeching, cries entered the room, a baby's cries. "A boy." She informed Tonks, who sat back, exhausted. I got a cold cloth this time and quickly washed off her face.

"Congratulations, Tonks!" I told her cheerfully, glancing over at the baby and seeing that its nose was changing to one that resembled Dumbledore's as it shrieked loudly. "I'll be right back, ok? I'm going to go keep Lupin from getting anymore drunk, and to tell everyone else it's a boy." I glanced once more at my new little brother, a grin stretching over my face. Then I walked downstairs, stretching out my hand as I did so-Tonks had been squeezing it _really_ tightly.

"Jenny," Lupin croaked, looking relieved as I came back downstairs. He staggered across the kitchen and I steadied him when he tripped over his own feet. The men had succeeded in getting him sufficiently drunk.

"You have a daughter and a son." I said softly, but I was smiling, and excitement was bubbling just under the surface. Lupin looked at me stupidly for a moment.

"A-a son?" He stammered, then a grin flew over his face, the scared shitless look I had seen on Tonks was now on him. "Really? A little boy?"

"Congratulations, _Dad._" I emphasized, and returned his hug, then looked at the other men. All of them looked flushed, which meant they all had a bit of firewhisky. All of us trooped upstairs, and when we came in, any coldness left in my heart vanished. Tonks was sitting up, glowing with pride, holding a bundle in her arms. We all got a chance to hold him, and I was spell bound when it was my turn. I loved children, I loved them to death, and holding my little brother in my arms made gratitude and new faith at life rush into my bones.

It was perfect.


	35. Not In Blood, But In Bond

Not In Blood, But In Bond

Jenny

4/16/11

2:09 p.m.

Teddy.

My little brother, Teddy Lupin, was currently nestled comfortably in my arms as I sat on the cliffs, watching the ocean and listening to his quiet breathing. I hadn't felt the true and fierce need to protect someone in a while, but Teddy was now the top of my list. He was a Metamorphagus, and it was adorable to see him changing all the time, even though subtle hints of Tonks and Lupin still showed in his appearance.

Considering I wasn't _truly_ related to Lupin and Tonks, not technically, they made me one of the family for good; they made me Teddy's godmother. For some reason, he loved me as much as I loved him, and Teddy was only a baby. If he was fussy, I could always calm him down. That's why we were outside, I had taken him for a walk to stop his fussing, and as soon as we got away from the house he quieted down. I just didn't have the heart to go back inside. Lupin was overjoyed, almost stupefied, like he hadn't grasped it yet. He was also brooding, even though he tried not to show it. I knew why, everyone did. Lupin was so worried that his son was going to be a werewolf. Thinking about it made me shudder, picturing a little wolf puppy and knowing it was Teddy. I didn't want that for anyone, and if it were to happen to Teddy…

Speaking of, Teddy himself gurgled in my arms, and I shifted him slightly, then picked him up and held him against me facing out, so he could see the ocean. He was such a new baby, only two days old, but he would love to stare at things, like he was analyzing them. His hair turned the color of the water, and I chuckled, kissing the top of his head. It was like his little brain couldn't hold onto the color of the water, and it floated up into his hair. Teddy nestled into my stomach and kicked his little legs gleefully.

"_Jenny!" _Some shouted from the house, and they sounded panicked, desperate. I turned away from the ocean and walked off the cliff to see Draco dashing over, wand drawn. He passed through the gate, out of the protective spells to join me. He immediately took my arm and started to pull me back to the house. I shifted Teddy around and held him close, pulling out of Draco's grasp.

"Draco, what's wrong?" I asked, and power-walked when he started to, putting a hand on my back to usher me along. He didn't answer, even when we were back inside the Fidelius Charm. "Draco, _stop._" I planted my feet and with some effort, stopped us. Teddy let out a tiny whimper of distress, so I patted and rubbed his back as Draco hesitated, his face full of indecision.

"I-" He started, but Lupin dashed out the front door and came over to us.

"Jenny, thank Merlin-" he abruptly stopped and hesitated again, as Draco had. I handed him Teddy, then looked at both of them for a moment.

"What's wrong, don't tell me nothing is wrong, because both of you are freaking out, and it's really starting to worry me." I insisted, and when Draco stepped cautiously forward and put a hand on my shoulder, it sent anxiety flying through me.

"Jenny…I have some bad news…really-bad-news. I'm so sorry," He said slowly, and I shuddered, quickly closing my eyes. Ever since I had returned to Shell Cottage, I had been paranoid, along with my other problems. I couldn't help but picture all the things that had gone wrong. Why was so many bad things happening to me? "Jenny?" I heard him ask, so I looked at him, taking a deep breath.

"Just tell me," I said quietly, steeling myself as Draco seemed to take a deep breath too. "It can't be that bad, it can't be any worse than what I just went through." I tried to sound convincing, but the look on his face after I said it made my stomach twist.

"Jenny…they were having a memorial service for your death, your parents, your old friends and family, your old boyfriend." He swallowed as I looked at him, unsure of what to say. "Death Eaters showed up…and they killed everyone except for Brian…and he's missing. I'm sorry Jenny, I'm sorry." He ended painfully, and I just kept staring at him with a blank stare, my mind screeching to a halt. He had just said that…my family…was dead? _All _of my friends?

_Death Eaters killed everyone I ever loved when I was a normal Muggle._

The thought slammed into my brain, making me gasp and stumble back a step. Draco slowly stepped forward and put his hand back on my shoulder. His silver eyes were full of nothing but sympathy. "I—wha-what?" I couldn't even get the words out. Draco cautiously and slowly took me in his arms. I didn't move, just stood there, eyes closed against Draco's chest. He was trembling just a little, I could tell because I was perfectly still; like I had been petrified.

Then I started to envision what would have happened…My parents would have insisted that it would have taken place outside; they would always complain how I spent more time outside then I did indoors. It probably would have happened around my…my grave, and I could just picture a grassy hilltop, the sun beaming down strongly, a slight breeze, and everyone I had ever cared about standing around, remembering. Then they would come from nowhere, Apparating and…and-

I shoved Draco away and walked stiffly toward the ocean, then shuddered to a halt. I looked up at the sky, picturing the flashes of green light, the screams…and what about Brian? Draco said they didn't find a body…

Rage made my vision flash for a moment, harsh uncontrollable rage erupted from deep inside, all the rage and anger I had felt in my month being prisoner, and new rage, a fury that sprung from nowhere. My family: dead. My friends: dead. I had told Hermione this once before, but just in passing: my parent's weren't my own, I was adopted, handed over as a baby. I wasn't related in blood to anyone, anyone that I knew. All the bonds I had forged were broken forever.

But this was my fault. It was my fault for getting caught, for telling the Death Eaters anything they wanted to know. It was my fault for being drugged, for telling them about my past life. Now that I had escaped, of course they would go after my loved ones. I had done nothing to protect them. One thought entered my mind.

Revenge. Everyone had to be avenged. Everyone else left had to be kept safe. Without a word, I turned back around and went into the house, up to my room. Once I was there, I grabbed a bag, grabbed clothing-anything I would need, traveling around the house, ignoring questions, until a train of people followed me out of the door, and I balked, finding myself face to face with Lupin. "Jenny," he started in a low voice, but I brushed past him and back out onto the lawn. "Jenny, stop, stop and think-"

"Think about what I'm doing? Damn it, Lupin, don't you understand?" I shouted, turning sharply on my heel as his words fanned the flames of anger. "They want me, and everyone," I closed my eyes for a second, "everyone who's even heard of me is dead. He went for the easiest targets, but damn it, I'm going to hunt down every single Death Eater, and I'm going to kill every last one with my bare hands."

"Jenny, your anger I understand, but _you aren't strong enough_. It's barely been 2 weeks since you got back, you can't repeal a month's worth of damage in half the time!" Lupin handed Teddy to Fleur, who gave him to Tonks. He watched our exchange sleepily, it was about his nap-time. Just for the briefest moment, I pictured a Death Eater with his wand pointed at him, and I snapped.

"Not-not strong enough, Lupin? _Not strong enough?_ Was I not strong enough to stay in that cellar and be force fed Veritasereum and be beaten, Lupin? Was I not strong enough to completely change my life because of Death Eaters? Did I lack strength when I finally let go of my past life to agree to be your daughter, and Teddy's godmother? Sod off, Lupin, you can't tell me one bloody word about strength." I said this all softly, dangerously, taking deliberately slow steps forward, until we were right in front of each other again.

"You can't leave here alone, not without a wizard. You need magic to keep you safe in transformations, to provide for you, and to protect you." Bill spoke up bravely as Lupin just looked at me in shock. This was the first time I had sworn in his face _ever._ Usually I kept my cool, composure was my thing.

"I'll go; I wouldn't let her leave without me anyway." Draco said, putting a light hand on my shoulder when I went to step forward to punch in Bill's face. I jerked my shoulder away from him and turned around, meeting his gaze coldly. He lifted his hands, almost in surrender, even though his wand was in his hand. I realized I was in what he had called 'survival mode', I had almost kicked his ass without another thought.

"I'm going to kill them no matter who comes with." I said fiercely.

"Jenny, zat ees so…strong of you, no? Perhaps-" Fleur's tone made my sensitive temper explode again, making her take a step back, and Bill put an arm around her and glare at me.

"Strong? _Everyone I used to know is __**dead. **_Imagine, Fleur, your parents, all of your friends, from France and from here, everyone you ever loved is gone, murdered for no reason only to hurt you. Can you imagine that? I didn't think so." I snarled at her from behind Draco's arm, then turned and stalked towards the gate. After a few tense minutes of me glaring at the surrounding ocean, Draco came over, a bag over his shoulder, wand in one hand, a cauldron in the other. I raised an eyebrow as he handed me a bag, but I took it, and then let him take my arm. We Apparated, and appeared on a non-descript hill in the middle of nowhere. "I'll need to go into a Muggle town eventually." I told him coldly, and he frowned.

"What for?" He asked, and then looked like he regretted asking. I must have still looked furious.

"I'll need some weapons. You wizards have a wand, poison maybe. Muggle's have guns, knives…" Draco looked at me for a long moment. He looked torn, like he wanted to say something, but didn't have the balls.

"So you are going to be a murder now, just like that?" He asked softly after awhile. I looked at him, and for the first time, felt sadness. I closed my eyes as they smarted and tears started to fall. I hated the feeling on my face, I had cried enough.

"Not just a murderer. An assassin." I opened my eyes and stared at him fully for a minute before striding away, too emotionally damaged to convey anything more.

**Espionage is now…finite. However, there will be a sequel…so look around for it, please! Jenny will for sure get some 'Muggle Tools' and do what she currently thinks is right: go assassinate some Death Eaters to avenge the deaths of all of her Muggle friends and family. **_**Assassin**_** (what the sequel will be called) will for sure take us into the second war, and will show you all just how strong a Muggle can be.**


End file.
